News Nuggets

WORLD

Newsweek published an article claiming that US interrogators in military prisons flushed a copy of the Koran down the toilet. The US Army argued that the act was justified, because the Koran is two-ply.

ENTERTAINMENT

The movie Batman Begins was released to good success, and reviving the comic book franchise. They're already planning the spin-off Fatman Begins, about the career of Ruben Studdard.

The movie Fantastic Four was released to record-breaking ticket sales. The movie is about Angelina Jolie and Halle Berry's boobs.

Through interviews and editorials, Tom Cruise got into a heated argument with actress Brooke Shields over the use of drugs to treat post-natal depression. Man, you know Tom Cruise is in trouble when he's losing an argument with Brooke Shields.

Dozens of singers and performers participated in Live-8, a worldwide concert to promote debt relief in Africa. When asked to comment, Africa said, "Couldn't they just send us some money?"

SPORTS

The Olympics announced that it would award the 2012 Olympics to the city of Lodon, rejecting the predicted favorite, Paris. Paris has been rejected for all three of its bids in the last twenty years, proving once and for all that everyone hates the French.

Nike has decided to go back to using Kobe Bryant in its advertising. Their new slogan? "Just Do It, Then Settle Out of Court."

See you next Tuesday.