Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Jokebook: Anti-Women

My wife never reads this blog, so...how about some women jokes?

Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: So they can stand closer to the sink.

Q: How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence with, "A man once told me...."

Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't. There's a clock on the oven.

Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, because at least he'll shut up after you let him in.

One golfer tells another: "I got a set of golf clubs for my wife."
The other replies: "Good trade."

Q: What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?
A: No mind and no business.

A man gets a call from his credit card company who tells him, "We've been showing some unusual purchases on your card. We think it's been stolen."

The man says, "Yeah, it was stolen three months ago."

The credit card company says, "Three months ago? Why didn't you report it?"

The man says, "Because the thief is spending less than my wife did."

A Mercedes is driving down the road over the speed limit when a police car starts flashing its lights at him.

To the police officer's surprise, the Mercedes speeds up. A high-speed chase follows for a half-hour until the Mercedes finally pulls over and stops.

The police officer comes up to the Mercedes where the driver wipes sweat from his forehead as he says,

"I'm sorry, officer. It's just that my wife left me for a cop last week."

The police officer nodded in sympathy. "Oh, that making you feel a bit hostile towards cops lately?"

"No," the driver says, "I was afraid you were him, and you were trying to give her back."

In case you ever read this, just kidding, honey! Love you. Now make me a sammich...