Destroy Humanity: Pandemic Game

Ever have one of those days where you wanted to just wipe out ninety percent of Mankind, and leave the survivors bleeding from every orifice and facing the prospect of survival in a nightmarish post-Apocalyptic world where they wished they could join the dead? Well, now you can with the Flash game Pandemic. It's sort of a strategy game where you have to evolve (upgrade) your virus to spread as quickly as possible while killing as many as possible before Mankind manages to contain the spread. Some helpful hints:

• The first few turns, it will look like nothing is happening. Don't worry about it. Just keep clicking to the next turn until people start dying.
• In the beginning, focus on buying traits that will spread the disease quickly like waterborne contamination.
• Remember, the quicker people notice your plague, the faster they'll start trying to contain it. So hold off on buying internal hemmoraging until it's already too late.
• Once the infection has spread to all continents, crank up the lethality.
• Germany is almost impossible to infiltrate if the pandemic didn't start there. I suspect the programmers are German.
• This game will leave you feeling like scum. Enjoy it.

Geektalk: Revenge of the Phantom Clone

Remember the big fuss over what the new Star Wars movies would be called? Remember the cries of disappointment over the name The Phantom Menace? Remember the scorn and ridicule over the name Attack of the Clones? Remember the cheers over the name Revenge of the Sith? It seems kind of silly now, since I don't actually use those names when talking about the movies. Usually I say "Episode One" or "Episode Three." I never go "I loved that scene in 'Attack of the Clones' where Mace Windu comes into the arena." It's just easier. Yet I rarely say "I loved in 'Episode Six' where the Emperor blasted Luke Skywalker." I spell out the full names. Maybe it's because Lucas put so much emphasis on the episide numbers. In the logo for the first movie, the letter "I" is bigger than the actual title. I always felt Lucas was worried about how confusing the whole prequel thing is. "So it's the next movie in the series?" "Yes." "And it takes place after the last one?" "No, it takes place before the first one." Lucas wanted the episode numbers to be emphasized to help clarify it.

Related:
Geektalk: The Current State of Comics
Geektalk: Bane Lite
Geektalk: Scarred and Deformed

Geektalk: The Current State of Comics

The experience of reading Knightfall also reminded me how out-of-touch I am with comics these days. Would you believe it came out in 1993, almost thirteen years ago? And I was falling out of synch with comics even back then. As for everything else, I was lost. I walked into the comic shop and realized I had to buy graphic novels to catch up quickly, but I didn't even know where to begin. When did Iron Man become an alcoholic again? A year ago? When did Green Lantern turn evil? Four years ago? When did the Hulk end up on the run again? Eight years ago? How many graphic novels would I need to buy just to understand the issue on the shelf right now? When I looked at it that way, there was no point. I wanted to read the latest issue of Spiderman, Fantastic Four, Hulk, and the Flash - all my favorites - but I realized I wouldn't understand them. I would have to read ten years worth of comics before I could enjoy the latest issue.
Categories: entertainment

Related:
My Review of Knightfall
Batman Vs Osama: Holy Terror

Geektalk: Scarred and Deformed

I always thought the reason the Emperor looked the way he did because he was so old, living for centuries, sustained by the Dark Side of the Force. Then when he looked normal in Phantom Menace, I heard that he got disfigured by the Dark Side of the Force. It was as if he was being consumed by the Dark Side. Then came Revenge of the Sith, where we learned the Emperor basically disfigured himself with his force lightning reflected back on him by Mace Windu. Once his face started getting melted, why didn't the Emperor just stop throwing his lightning? That disappointed me.

Previous:
Geektalk: Bane Lite
Geektalk: Arm Chopping in Star Wars
Geektalk: Why Does the Enterprise Have Running Lights?
Geektalk: Anakin!

Categories: entertainment

Geektalk: Bane Lite

Of all the sins of the Batman movies, the greatest has to be the portrayal of Bane in Batman Forever. In the comics, the only thing that keeps Bane from being Batman's greatest villain is the Joker. The Joker is Batman's equal. But Bane is Batman's superior, both physically and mentally. He's the only villain who ever truly beat Batman, breaking his back and causing him to quit for a period of time. But in Batman Forever, Bane is just a brainless sidekick for Poison Ivy. I'm so happy that the Batman movie series has been rebooted with Batman Begins. Maybe one day, we'll see Bane in all his glory.

As always, you can brush up on the history of Bane in Wikipedia.

Related:
Geektalk: Arm Chopping in Star Wars
Geektalk: Why Does the Enterprise Have Running Lights?
Geektalk: Anakin!

Categories: entertainment

Geektalk: Arm Chopping in "Star Wars"

I remember when Darth Vader chopped off Luke Skywalker's hand in Empire Strikes Back, it was shocking. But it seems Vader was only following tradition. After seeing the new movies, it seems that there are only two ways to end a lightsaber fight. One, of course, is to kill your opponent. Obi-Wan vs Maul. Qui-Gon vs Maul. The other is to chop off their hand.

Think about it. Vader vs Luke. Anakin vs Dooku. Dooku vs Anakin. Obi-Wan vs Grievous. All ended by chopping off the loser's hand. Or hands in the case of General Grievous and Count Dooku. I guess Dooku was ambidextrous. It makes sense. If they have no hand, they can't fight. But every time? They must have a class on that in Jedi school. "Okay, if you can't kill your opponent, chop off their hand. Right there. Below the elbow." You'd think after centuries of battle, the Jedi or Sith would have developed some sort of wrist armor to keep that from happening.

The only two exceptions were Darth Sidious vs Maul and Obi-Wan vs Dooku. It always struck me as odd when Dooku cut Obi-Wan's arm and leg without slicing them off. He just nicked Obi-Wan. Maybe he didn't have the heart because they were old friends, but that seems unlikely. A few seconds later, Dooku was getting ready to chop Obi-Wan's head off. And Obi-Wan didn't hesitate to slice off his "brother" Anakin's arms and legs. The real reason Dooku didn't hack them off, of course, is that Obi-Wan had to have his hands for the rest of the series. Lucas kind of backed himself into a corner with that duel, and the paper-cuts were his way out.

As for Darth Sidious, he is the only person in the entire series who ever lost a duel without getting his hand cut off. He just dropped his lightsaber. Either that's because he is the worst lightsaber fighter in the history of the Force or he was the smartest. He knew he couldn't beat Windu and wanted to keep his life and his hands, and knew if he held onto the saber, he would lose one or the other. Besides, he knew he could fall back on the lightning.

Note: Turns out there really is Jedi training on chopping off someone's hand. It's called cho mai as in "You cho' off mai hand!" Just kidding.

See Also:
Geektalk: Arm Chopping in Star Wars
Geektalk: Why Does the Enterprise Have Running Lights?
Geektalk: Anakin!
Geektalk: Jabba the Joke
Geektalk: A New New Hope

GeekTalk: Space Signals

Why does the starship Enterprise have running lights? I know the answer is "Because that way other ships can see it. It's dark out there." That makes sense on airplanes, but are spaceships really navigating by looking out the window?

They have all those fancy sensors, scanners, holograms, and starmaps. They always go "I'm picking up a Klingon warship on our sensors." I've never seen Data pointing out the window and going, "Does that look like a spaceship to you?" I've never seen them come out of warp and suddenly Captain Picard yells, "Look out, lights! Hard right!"

Why don't they just put turn signals on the Enterprise while they're at it? And when the ship backs up, make it go "beep, beep, beep?" Seems like a waste of power to me. If you can't tell a spaceship is heading towards you at a thousand miles an hour, little lights on its nose aren't gonna help.

GeekTalk: Anakin!

I don't think they did a good job on the progress of Anakin Skywalker to Darth Vader. In Episode I, Anakin was a cute little kid with an attitude. In Episode II, Anakin was an angry, arrogant teenager. I could see where Darth Vader could come from that. But in Episode III, Darth Vader was actually a pretty nice guy. He cared about Padme, whereas he looked like a stalker in Episode II. He didn't lose his temper much in III, where he always looked mad in II. He only complained a little bit about not being made a Master in the Jedi Council in II, and that seemed justified. He was even on the verge of arresting Palpatine for being a Sith Lord. Then suddenly, he's kneeling at the feet of Palpatine and killing little children. But he still sheds a tear.

And even that wasn't like Darth Vader in the old movies. Darth Vader in Episodes IV, V, and VI was an arrogant, confident, powerful warrior who was in complete control. He never said he embraced evil or had any kind of philosophy. He was just doing what had to be done. He was on the Dark Side, but he said it was because of the power, not because he wanted to save anyone's life or defend the Empire. Man, I wish we could get a do-over on the new movies. Maybe in 20 years, they'll do a remake of the whole Star Wars series, like they did a remake of The Longest Yard and Bad News Bears.

GeekTalk: Jabba the Joke

The one thing I didn't like about the new movies is they totally screwed up one of my favorite characters - Jabba the Hutt. Bad enough they put in that scene in Episode IV where Jabba goes to see Han Solo, and Solo walks on Jabba's tail. First of all, the Jabba in Return of the Jedi wouldn't get off his dais to get away from Leia choking him, much less haul himself out to see Solo in
person. He would've just sent someone to kill him. Second, Jabba killed a dancing girl just for pulling away from him. The minute Solo stepped on his tail, Solo would've been dead. That whole scene just made Jabba into a big joke. Just like Episode I made him a joke with him sleeping during the pod race and stuff.

I loved Jabba in the original because he was the ultimate thug. He was so powerful that he didn't even need to move. His every whim was satisfied to the point where he did nothing but party. He would kill anyone he felt like for any reason, and there was nowhere in the galaxy you could get away from. And best of all, even though he was a fat, slimy slug, he still got hot babes.

The original Jabba was scary. People trembled in his presence. But after seeing him in the new movies and the re-done versions, Jabba doesn't seem quite so scary. I mean, he's still a bad-axe in Return of the Jedi, but it's just not the same. Oh, well. If you'll excuse me, I need to eat some frogs, order a bounty on that guy who cut me off on the freeway Sunday night, and make my slave girl dance for me in a metal bikini...until she displeases me and I dump her for a new one. Life is good for MonkeyMigraine the Hutt.

GeekTalk: A New New Hope

I never thought I would say this, but I'm now in favor of George Lucas re-doing the original movies. If you watch the original versions, they just can't hold a candle to the new movies. If you watch them in sequence, there's a massive drop in quality and special effects around Episode IV. The new scenes and effects in the Special Edition DVDs do a lot to improve them.

In fact, I think they need to do more, especially to IV: A New Hope. Specifically, I wish they would re-do the battle between Darth vader and Obi-Wan Kenobi. When I was a kid, it was dazzling, but try watching it again. By any standard, especially compared to the new lightsaber battles in the series, it's terrible. They just bang their lightsabers at each other really slowly, and Obi-Wan spins around once for no reason. That's about it. Considering this is the culmination of their rivalry over decades, it's very anti-climactic. It has to be longer with better fighting. They could re-shoot the scene using doubles and the face-replacement technology they used for Count Dooku. That would be awesome.

They could also stand to re-shoot the X-Wing battle with the Death Star. In the current version, the ships just move from left to right across the screen. That wouldn't be hard at all. Just re-create it with pure CGI and have them zipping around, doing twists and stunts like in the opening of Episode III. I'm sure he's already working on it.