Monday, November 29, 2010

R.I.P. Leslie Nielsen

"I just wanted to say good luck. We're all counting on you." 
-Leslie Nielsen in Airplane (1980)

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Calvin Minus Hobbes 2.0

The beloved comic strip Calvin and Hobbes portrayed the relationship between a young boy and a tiger. Readers hailed the love of their magical friendship But what if Hobbes really was just a stuffed tiger? What if his relationship was all in his imagination? What if Calvin was on the edge of madness? The original controversial series Calvin Minus Hobbes showed us by simply replacing Hobbes in every cartoon with the stuffed version of Hobbes. The creator eventually found it too depressing to continue, so I've taken up the torch. I'll be updating the page with new cartoons approximately whenever I feel like it.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Fun in a Call Center: Worker's Con

I think I would like to work in the worker's comp department. I find those insurance claims so interesting, especially when you get into questions about the authenticity of the claim. Sometimes I go back and read the follow-up notes on claims I've entered. I read one claim where the driver claims he was robbed in Texas and hit in the neck, but his movement shows he wasn't in Texas on the day he claims. He also claimed someone had to help him out of bed this morning, to which the adjuster wrote in her notes "How??? He's a solo driver and would have had to get out of bed to get someone to help him out of his bed."

There was another one where a janitor claimed he hurt his back. First of all, he claimed he hurt himself on Sunday, but when his supervisor pointed out that he didn't work on weekends, he claims the injury occurred on Friday but he didn't feel it until Sunday. Then he claimed he hurt himself working the floor polisher when it tipped over and he tried to straighten it. Well, it turns out that the only time they use the floor cleaner is at night and he works during the day, plus the ladies' room is being remodeled, so the floor cleaner wasn't being used that day. Idiots. We're not stupid.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Fun in a Call Center: You Might Be a Redneck

One time, I took an insurance claim from a trucker who had driven off the road. The trucker said the last thing he remembered before the crash had been listening to a Jeff Foxworthy CD. Well, after talking to the doctors about what had happened, the doctors think that he laughed so hard that he blacked out. If you're driving a truck and listening to a Jeff Foxworthy CD and laugh so hard that you black out and drive off the road…you might be a redneck.

Thursday, July 01, 2010

The Best of the Worst Reviews for Microsoft's Kin Phone

If the HTC DROID Incredible is the biggest hit of the year for Verizon, then the Microsoft Kin is definitely its biggest flop. The decision to stop production for the Kin a mere forty-eight days after it was launched allows us the chance to look back at its failure. The failure of the Kin isn't really a surprise to everyone. Here are the top ten best lines from the worst reviews:

  1. "...the idea of choosing this severely limited device which doesn't do a single thing better than even the most basic Android device is kind of crazy." -Engadget
  2. "I'm skeptical that young consumers will be thrilled with this first effort."-Associated Press
  3. "What was Microsoft thinking when it launched this ill-begotten device?"-Computerworld
  4. "Fun software, clunky design...the hardware is middle-of-the-road and the phone can sometimes be sluggish."-PC World
  5. "Quite frankly, I haven't been this disappointed in a phone in a long time." -Phonescoop
  6. "Verizon and Microsoft seem to be relying on consumer ignorance to sell the Kin, because only someone ignorant of their other options would get a Kin."-Windows Phone Thoughts
  7. "...the Kins are misbegotten, crippled creatures compared to pretty much every smartphone on the market."- PC Mag
  8. "...I have yet to see any compelling reason for someone to buy a Kin."- ZD Net
  9. "The impression you get using the Kins isn’t that they’re based on a flawed concept, really, but that they just aren’t quite done." -
  10. "If the Kin sells at all, it’ll be to a narrow slice of the population."-Gizmodo

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Quote of the Week: Holy Crap

Dru of Cream of the Comics commenting on Marvel Adventures: The Avengers #9:
"Holy. Crap. Look at that cover, man."

Monday, April 12, 2010

Uncrustables: The Longest Distance Between You and PB&J

I thought the idea behind it is that some people (kids, mostly) don't like crusts on their PB&J sandwiches. They hate it so much that they can't even stand the thought of crust ever existing on their sandwich. For them, they created Uncrustables, which have no crust whatsoever. In fact, they don't really have edges. They're sort of pouches made from white bread with peanut butter and jelly sealed inside. The bread is sealed on the edges like apple pie. And what do you do when you want one? Well, you have to keep them in the freezer until you want one. Then you take it out and leave it on the table for thirty minutes to an hour to defrost. Then you can eat the tiny little pouch.

Right. Or you can just use regular bread, spread peanut butter on one side and jelly on the other, then cut off the crusts. Just saying.

Apparently, these things are hugely popular, mainly because mothers can just toss one or two into their kids' lunchboxes and they'll be defrosted by lunchtime. So apparently, Uncrustables are really for mothers who are too lazy...uh, I mean busy to spend five minutes making sandwiches themselves. The next logical step is Unpackables, sandwiches that can crawl out of the refrigerator in the morning and climb into the lunchboxes on their own, for mothers too lazy...uh, I mean busy to take them out of the freezer and pack their kids' lunches themselves.

Monday, March 29, 2010

KidsTalk: Miss Rosa is Sexy

This is the start of what may turn out to be a series. Here's the deal: I have two toddlers, so I watch a lot of kids' TV. Some of it just flies right over my head. Others actually trigger thoughts and analysis that I know are way too deep for childrens' television. I feel compelled to share. Today, let's talk about Miss Rosa.

I make my kids watch a lot of TV on PBS, because it's educational. Over time, I began to notice Miss Rosa. Miss Rosa has a very small role on PBS - she just does little bumpers between shows, introducing the next program. She always has a little educational thing to do, like teach how to count in Spanish or safety. I found her disturbing for reasons I didn't understand, and eventually I was forced to admit what I didn't want to accept: I think Miss Rosa is freakin' hot. And I mean HOT. I don't know if it's the pretty eyes or the curvaceous lips or her accent or just the fact that she looks so sweet and innocent, but I can't take my eyes off her when she comes on. And every time she says something in Spanish, it gets me going. If she was my kids' preschool teacher, I'd be there to drop them off and pick them up every day. She teaches kids the alphabet, but I'd love to teach her a few things...well, you get the idea. Check out some of her clips and tell me if you don't feel the same way.

In real life, she's played by actress Jennifer Peña, who is also a certified teacher. It was hard to find information about her, because there's apparently a Latina singer with the same name who's more popular. She has a website, which is a little sparse. I did a search to see if I was the only one who felt this way about Miss Rosa, and it seems a lot of guys are in the closet about it. But I did find one article that listed her among the five hottest children's television personalities. I feel better knowing I'm not alone. If you feel the same way, let me know. We can form a club.

UPDATE: So this is my most popular post on this blog, I'm guessing we have a consensus: Miss Rosa is hot. Leave a comment below to join the club.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Quote of the Week: Why Rihanna is the Best Girlfriend Ever

R&B singer Rihanna on why she took naked pictures with her cell phone that were later leaked onto the Internet:
"If you don't send your boyfriend naked pictures, then I feel bad for him."

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Lindsay Lohan: Unemployable

The child star whose career collapses once he or she reaches childhood is so common that it's become a Hollywood stereotype. However, one person has taken that failure to a whole new level: Lindsay Lohan. Sure, she's strung out on drugs and alcohol, but we've seen that before. Sure, she's known more for partying in clubs than acting, but we've also seen that before. Even the fact that she hasn't had a movie or TV role in years isn't news. What is news is that she is now literally unemployable.

Let's say you want to make a movie with Lindsay Lohan...for some reason. In order to make a movie, you need to get insurance. That will kill any hope of Lohan being in your movie, because her multiple car crashes and DUI arrests mean that no insurance company will cover her. The last person who took a chance on Lohan was Rick Schwartz, the producer of the movie Labor Pains, and he had to beg every insurance company in Hollywood before he found one who would insure Lohan. And Labor Pains ended up going straight to cable (ABC Family, for some reason) and home video, so it's unlikely another producer will go to that much trouble. At this rate, the best thing she could do for her career would be suicide. She should be taking notes on Robert Downey Jr. to see how to revive her career.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Quote of the Week: Good Luck, Nolan

John Del Signore on the promotion for The Dark Knight -
Unfortunately for them, The Dark Knight opens the same weekend as the hotly anticipated Space Chimps, so, you know, good luck, Nolan!