Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Todd McFarlane's He-Man

Well, not really...but close. At a concept art forum, an artist re-designed He-Man characters to make them darker and more realistic. Some of them are awesome, some of them are lame, some of them are freaky. But it is interesting to see someone take it more seriously.

Warning: Contains nudity and adult themes.

Categories: entertainment

Evil Orko

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Jokebook: The Honest Drunk

A cop sees this car weaving down the road, so he pulls it over. The cop goes to the driver and asks, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

The driver says, "Sure have. I've had six beers, four shots of tequila, three margaritas, and a whole bottle of vodka."

The cop says, "Sir, I'll need to give you a breathalyzer test."

And the driver yells, "What, you don't believe me?"
Categories: comedy

Monday, May 29, 2006

Something Old: Madonna's "New" Image

I read an article in US Weekly that Madonna wants to go back to her more shocking persona because she misses the attention (translation: she needs more publicity [translation: she needs more money]). I can understand that. Somehow, the idea of Madonna writing children's books never really fit. One of her ideas is to come out on stage wearing a nude body stocking with whipped cream over her private parts. This, to me, is sad. In an age where celebrities appear on nationally-televised events in see-through gowns, the idea of a naked woman with whipped cream on her is not that big a deal. And she's not even naked - she's wearing a body stocking. Given that ten years ago, Madonna had no problem appearing naked in a book of homemade porno, I think this is an admission that her body isn't what it used to be. Someone needs to tell Madonna to give it up.
Categories: entertainment

Sunday, May 28, 2006

They Shoot Horses, Don't They: Barbaro's Leg

You may have heard the stories about Barbaro, the horse expected to win the Triple Crown, which broke its leg instead. The question immediately became "will the horse need to be put down?" To me, who knows nothing about horse racing, the next question became "why does it need to be put down?" I always thought the whole "horse broke its leg so we shoot it" thing was kind of cruel. After all, humans break legs, and go on to live healthy lives. Turns out that a horse breaking its leg really is life-threatening. Check out the mare facts (get it?) at Slate on why a broken leg is bad news for a horse. For a simpler explanation, try the FAQ at
Categories: sports

Thursday, May 25, 2006

My Ultimate LOST Theory

I've been a huge fan of LOST for a long time, and have developed a grand unifying theory as to what's going on. Unfortunately, the season finale pretty much blew that whole theory out of the water. So I might as well share what could have been the answer.

Here's my theory. I read an Entertainment Weekly article that pitched the idea that the island is a psychological experiment designed to unleash psychic powers. That's based on two things - one is that one of the scientists the Orientation film listed as the inspiration for Dharma was Skinner, who was a psychologist who experimented on animals to condition them to behave in certain ways. Like training a mouse to step on a lever to get a food pellet. EW theorized that the island is a giant psychological experiment in fear - to condition the survivors into a perpetual state of terror. The other thing EW mentioned is that Dharma's research involves parapsychology - which is the "science" of psychic powers. So EW thinks that Dharma created the island and put the guy in the hatch to experiment on him, hoping to induce psychic powers. But I think EW was wrong because their final conclusion was that the "incident" mentioned in the orientation film was that the French Woman's son Alex was the original person in the hatch, who had a psychic break and became a powerful force controlling the island. I don't agree with that for a bunch of reasons, one of which is that they've already shown that the French Woman's daughter (not son) Alex is working for the Others. My theory is that Dharma originally wanted the guys in the hatch to develop psychic powers, but it didn't work. So they planned the plane crash to get more people on the island, hoping one of them would be the ones to get powers. That's why they're interested in kids (that can be raised and trained) and especially Walt (who already has powers). All the polar bears and the monster in the woods and the button and the Others living in the woods are all part of an environment designed to be scary, conditioning them. And the fact that Walt said "They're pretending" and Kate saw the fake beard confirms it for me. I think the reality is that the Others are living quite comfortably with regular clothes and regular food in another hatch, and every now and then they put on rags and fake beards and run around in the jungle to scare the survivors.

That's my theory. Can you find all the reasons why the season finale blew it to pieces?

Categories: entertainment

Breastfeeding in a Bathroom

Sometimes when women are asked to breastfeed in the ladies' room, they say, "Would you want to eat your lunch in the bathroom?" It sounds funny, but it doesn't hold up. I'm an adult. That's a baby. Technically, babies live in their bathroom; it's called a diaper. You can't tell me a baby cares if it's breastfeeding in a bathroom or not. Now, if the mother doesn't want to sit in a bathroom while she breast-feeds, that's another argument.
Categories: misc

The Bad Samaritans: David Sharp Dies On Everest

So this is where the world has come to...David Sharp, doing a solo climb on Mount Everest, collapsed because of lack of oxygen. Forty people passed the dying man, including double amputee New Zealand climber Mark Inglis, but none of them did anything to help him. Even Sir Hillary, the first man to climb Mount Everest, calls it a crime that no one helped this poor soul. These days, people care more about fame and themselves than a fellow human being. The saddest part is that the dying man told his mother being leaving that he would be okay. He said, "You are never on your own. There are climbers everywhere." He forgot to add, "But they won't care about me."
Categories: news

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Paris Hilton Returns

Paris Hilton's made some new entries in her diary...check out Paris Hilton's Secret Diary

SayWhat: Condi's Hands

Check out this creation, thanks to SayWhat:

Don't Call It A Comeback: Streetfighter God Daigo

This is amazing. You know the panic that sets in when you're playing Streetfighter II and you're down to the last shred of health, and you start flailing around and you know you're gonna die...and then it's over. Well, this guy doesn't feel that. And remember when you saw somebody gear up to do a super-mega finishing move and you realized there was nothing you could do to stop it? Well, this guy doesn't feel that. Behold the greatest feat of skills ever seen in a Streetfighter II tournament.

You can download the video at Look At Entertainment or see it streaming at YouTube.

Jokebook: Firing Squad

A blonde guy, a redheaded guy, and a brunette guy are about to be executed by firing squad. But the brunette guy says, "Hey, I've got a plan. Follow my lead."

When he gets dragged up in front of the firing squad, just before they pull the trigger, he yells, "Earthquake!" The firing squad panics and runs away, and the brunette escapes.

Well, the squad gets themselves back together and drags the redheaded guy in front of the firing squad. But he figured out the brunette's plan and tries it too, yelling, "Flood!" The firing squad panics again and he escapes in the confusion.

The blonde guy gets it, too, so when he's dragged in front of the firing squad, just before they pull the trigger, the blonde guy yells, "Fire!"

Nightmare in Katrina

Last year, a local radio DJ nicknamed Kid was kicked off the air for criticising the survivors of Hurricane Katrina. He had the nerve to say they deserved what was happening to them because they should have left when they had the chance. If Kid still believes he did the right thing by criticizing the Hurricane Katrina survivors, he should watch this video. A famous Louisiana singer literally walked into a news station, sat down, and told her story. Anyone who isn't moved by her telling this story of rape, murder, and alligator attacks should check themselves for a pulse.
Categories: news

Fat Overload

Here's the real reason why Americans are fatter than everyone else...studies showed that U.S. fast-food is deliberately made fattier and more unhealthy than in other countries. The reason? They use hydrogenated oils in this country, which is cheaper. The fast-food companies claim it's because of local preferances. The real reason? Americans are more tolerant of fat and want to pay less for food. But countries like Denmark or Britain wouldn't tolerate that kind of thing. And then they wonder why Americans are gaining weight. This is why I saw Supersize Me again. It was a real wakeup call into the fast-food industry. And the new movie, Fast Food Nation, looks poised to do the same thing.

Categories: food

Monday, May 22, 2006

Noooooo: Paris Hilton on the Simpsons

There's a rumor that Paris Hilton is going to do a guest voice on The Simpsons. And if it goes well, then she'll be voicing a recurring character. This would be my absolute nightmare. My favorite show with my least favorite makes me want to become a terrorist and send a letter threatening to blow up the studio if Paris walks into it. Maybe this is a sign of how far Simpsons has fallen - they need to bring in Paris Hilton. Here's my suggestion - bring back Maude Flanders!
Categories: entertainment

Oldie But Goodie: Madonna and Gorillaz

File this under "you're not a spring chicken anymore." I was very impressed with Madonna's performance at the Grammy awards. I hate Madonna, but she looked great and was dancing like the old days. I thought to myself, "I guess she's still got it." Unfortunately, appearances can be deceiving. She actually gave herself a hernia during her dance number and was taken to the hospital afterwards. I also stumbled across this old article from 2001 where Madonna's reps vigorously denied that had a hernia operation. I'm guessing that was true, and this Grammy incident was only an aggravation of an old injury. Which once again proves my theory, gossip is true until proven false.

BONUS: They took down the link at Yahoo Music, so watch the video at Devil Ducky instead.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Resident Lesbo: Michelle Rodriguez

You ever look back about some celebrity that you've seen and known for years and went "Wait a minute...he/she was gay!" And yet it seems so obvious. For me, that happened with Paul Lynne. And Vincent Price. And Mario Cantone. And now Michelle Rodriguez. Right, the chick from Lost and Fast and the Furious. I stumbled across the rumors when I was reading about her drunk driving arrest. Out of curiosity, I did my usual methods (aka Google) and confirmed it to my satisfaction within seconds. Not only are there stories of her in lesbian nightclubs, but also photos of her making out with women, and even naming one of her supposed lovers (Blu Cantrell). But to me, the biggest proof that Michelle Rodriguez is gay is Michelle Rodriguez. I mean, come on. From Girlfight to Lost, she's played really butch, masculine roles. She wears jeans, talks tough, and is bad-axe. I guess I just thought she was typecast. Good grief. Next thing you know, they'll say that Ellen Degeneres is gay.
Categories: news

Jokebook: Sobriety Test

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. He drinks the whole beer, looks in his shirt pocket, then orders another beer. He drinks the whole beer, looks in his shirt pocket again, and orders another beer.

When he drinks the beer and looks in his pocket for a third time, the bartender has to ask, "Hey, what's in your pocket?"

The guy says, "A picture of my wife."

The bartender nods and says, "Oh, that's sweet. Is that to remind you she's waiting at home for you?"

The guy says, "No. When she starts to look good, that's when I know I've had enough."

Superman's Helicopter

What's the deal with superhero vehicles? You know what I'm talking about. Where they have superhero action figures that come with vehicles. Now some of these aren't so bad. Spiderman's car? Not so bad. True, he normally swings from buildings but if he was somewhere without buildings, Spidey might need a motorcycle. But Superman's helicopter? Superman can fly. Why would he need a helicopter? That's like the Flash driving a car. And the Hulk's car? Yeah, I'm sure he'll be going "Hulk want get there fast. Me get in SUV. Maybe trade in. Poor gas mileage, but provides extra protection."

Categories: misc

Sunday, May 14, 2006

How To Keep Me From Reading Your Blog: Lesson 5

If you don't see what's wrong with this blog posting or this is what your blog looks like, then you are the problem.

I have good news. This morning, I took 50 milligrams of Flexoma and that made me vomit for only three hours. It's getting better. I managed to get enough strength to move my left pinky twice. Since I started this blog to support others with carmalephalomagiatis, I've met so many wonderful people. Of course, most of them die within two weeks of contacting me, but they're my best friends. This disease is horrible, but it hasn't crushed my spirit. One day, I'll be able to swallow again. Since this disease has ravaged my digestive system, tune in tomorrow for my detailed description of how I excrete waste products.

Lesson 4
Lesson 3
Lesson 2
Lesson 1

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Ionic Tease: Homemade Smog Machines

I used to use air purifiers with ionizers all the time. I loved them. The idea was that the ions would stick to any dirt in the air and drag it down so you wouldn't breathe it in. Now they come out with this study that shows that's sort of like making your own smog in your home. It's toxic. I'll bet Ionic Breeze isn't happy about that study.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Supersize Myself

I saw Supersize Me again. Well worth watching for anyone concerned about their weight, their health, or just want to know more about the fast-food industry. Also a very funny movie. One point that stuck with me was how they don't publicize the nutritional info of their products. Just out of curiosity, I decided to check the calorie count of my favorite fast-food meal, a medium Ultimate Cheeseburger combo at Jack-in-the-Box. Good lord. I'm never eating an Ultimate Cheeseburger again. It's over a thousand calories alone. That's almost half the entire recommended caloric intake for a single day (2,500). If I ate two of those, from a caloric standpoint, I wouldn't need to eat again for the whole day. Not to mention the complete meal, which adds up to about 1940 calories. That's almost the total recommended calories for a single day in one meal. No wonder the fast food industry doesn't print this info on the packaging. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

The LOST Experience: Hanso Foundation

If you're a fan of the TV show LOST, then you hopefully noticed the commercial that aired last episode for the Hanso Foundation. It's a really interesting website, a nice window into the mysterious organization behind the DHARMA Initiative. If you're not a fan, then you have no idea what I'm talking about. My tip when you visit? Sign up for the newsletter.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

The Whopperettes

Once again, Burger King has done it again. I first noticed it when I went to a Burger King and they had placemats and posters for the Whopperettes. It's basically a dance number with women dressed as the different parts of the Whopper, even the ketchup. I liked the costume designs. Clever. I mean, how do you design a costume for a slice of tomato? Nice job. I never thought I'd say that a slice of onion looked hot, but it does. Then I went to the website, and it's...interesting. You can make a show where the parts of the Whopper jump into place, and even watch the commercial which apparently inspired it. It's nice and showy, very retro. I like it. Not nearly as weird as the Subservient Chicken. I especially like how they made dance numbers out of washing lettuce and grilling the hamburgers. I can't help thinking this isn't the cast members' finest moment, though: "What was your last dancing job?" "I was in the Whopperettes commercial. I played the ketchup."

Just Blaine Boring: Drowned Alive

David Blaine did a new special Drowned Alive where he tried to break the world record for holding your breath. Not sure how entertaining that little episode was be. "It's five minutes and thirty-four seconds. He sitting completely still, not breathing. Now this is edge-of-your-seat excitement." David Blaine - didn't he used to be a magician? Since when is holding your breath a magic trick? Unless he does some sort of trick, disappears, and reappears underwater. This is at least more of a trick than living on water in a bubble over the Thames River. But Harry Houdini he's not. His latest commercial describes him as a stuntman. That seems more accurate than "magician," but I don't even know if holding your breath can be considered a stunt. When I think stunt, I think jumping a motorcycle over school buses or leaping off a cliff. I don't think that "stunt" will be showing up in the next Mission: Impossible. How about we just call him "weirdo" and be done with it?

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Geektalk: Scarred and Deformed

I always thought the reason the Emperor looked the way he did because he was so old, living for centuries, sustained by the Dark Side of the Force. Then when he looked normal in Phantom Menace, I heard that he got disfigured by the Dark Side of the Force. It was as if he was being consumed by the Dark Side. Then came Revenge of the Sith, where we learned the Emperor basically disfigured himself with his force lightning reflected back on him by Mace Windu. Once his face started getting melted, why didn't the Emperor just stop throwing his lightning? That disappointed me.

Geektalk: Bane Lite
Geektalk: Arm Chopping in Star Wars
Geektalk: Why Does the Enterprise Have Running Lights?
Geektalk: Anakin!

Categories: entertainment

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Jokebook: Silent Treatment

A guy walks into a bar, slumps into a chair, and orders a beer. The bartender says, "What's wrong, pal? You look down."

The guy sighs and says, "I am down. My wife is mad at me, and said she wouldn't talk to me for a whole month."

The bartender says, "Gee, that's too bad. When does that start?"

"Start? Today's the last day."

HSHE: Matrix Revolution

There's a website called How it Should Have Ended that presents flash cartoons depicting alternate endings for movies. Pretty funny. My favorite? How Matrix Revolutions should have ended. This is how the Matrix Revolutions should have ended.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Resurrection: Prey

When I stumbled across an article about the pending release of the videogame Prey, I was stunned. I'd completely forgotten that game. I remember visiting the website back in the late 90's, when it was just a list of features without even screenshots. It was supposed to be a revolutionary game featuring a Native American hero forced into gladitorial combat with features that sounded cool way back then (no loading screens, ooo!). I'd assumed it had gone the way of vaporware, but it turns out another game company re-vamped the entire thing and brought it back. And it looks awesome. Shifting gravity, portals that open into new worlds and monsters, a death system that puts you in the underworld then brings you back to life...the Native American thing is a bit overdone, but what the heck. Download and watch the E3 trailer at the official site. I don't plan to play it, but it's hard not to be impressed.
Categories: entertainment

Monday, May 01, 2006

No F**king Way

There's a town in Austria that has the biggest problem keeping its street signs. One might wonder why these street signs are so popular until you hear the name of the town. Well, we can't actually print the name in this blog, but you can figure it out: it's called F**king. Now before you get offended, you should know that in their language, it's pronounced "fooking" like "looking." And the town was named by a man named Focko. In German, the "ing" suffix means "people" as in "people of Focko."The town never knew the English connotation until 1945 when large numbers of British soldiers came by. Word spread until the townspeople had to base the signs in huge concrete blocks to keep people from taking it.

No matter how straight-laced you may be, tell me you can resist sniggering at this quote from the local police chief: "We will not stand for the F**king signs being removed. It may be very amusing for you British, but F**king is simply F**king to us. What is this big F**king joke? It is puerile."

If you want your own F**king souvenir, you can get it at the town's official F**king website.
Categories: news