Monday, June 26, 2006
A few seconds later, the guy comes floating back into the bar.
The old man asks, "How'd you do that?"
The guy says "Oh, there's a draft outside the window. If you jump out, it catches you and blows you back in."
The old man says "I've gotta try that" and jumps out the window. He doesn't come back.
The guy sits down and orders another beer.
When the bartender sets the beer down in front of the guy, the bartender says, "You sure are a mean drunk, Superman."
Saturday, June 24, 2006
My Review of Knightfall
Batman Vs Osama: Holy Terror
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
The United States continued to clash with the international community over how to deal with Iran's nuclear weapons ambitions. Some say that a military option should be employed. Others say that a diplomatic solution would be best. Others believe that economic sanctions should be employed. Still others believe that the new X-Men movie rocks.
The president announced a new treasury secretary, Henry Paulson, to replace the former treasury secretary, Tony Snow. In response to the new appointment, the American people were quoted as saying "What's a treasury secretary?"
Jason Grimsley was released from the Diamondbacks after the federal government raided his house in a steroid investigation. The Diamondbacks confirmed that it was Grimsley who requested to be released, and the team oblidged, adding that they hoped the door didn't hit him on the way out.
The Diamondbacks also made history when they released Russ Ortiz in the middle of his contract. The team will owe Ortiz twenty-two million dollars making this the most expensive buyout in major league baseball history. Sources inside the team blame the disastrous decision on the fact that their general manager is on steroids.
The new movie The Da Vinci Code was released to strong ticket sales. The movie involves a mystery behind a museum curator's death that unfolds a conspiracy behind Jesus Christ's death. The biggest mystery? How anyone could stay awake during the movie.
The Omen was released on the sixth day of the sixth month of the sixth year of the new century. The movie opened to big box office, right up until every theater showing the movie was struck by lightning.
Monday, June 19, 2006
In order to help friends and family understand mental illness better, a drug manufacturer created a multimedia presentation that simulates what it's like to have schizophrenia. NPR has a slideshow with sound and graphics from the presentation. Be warned...it's truly disturbing, if not terrifying. After viewing it, I think we all come to a better understanding of the horrors of mental illness.
UPDATE: I've added the actual ad to this blog post, in case Adrants takes it down.
Booty Double: Jessica Simpson's Body Double
Modern Booty Technology: Beyonce's Wax Double
J-Low: The Fall of Jennifer Lopez
Saturday, June 17, 2006
1. Toilet paper - Use your imagination. It's the difference between touching a feather and sandpaper.
2. Spam - I think Spam is actually pretty good. Imitation Spam is what people think of when they think of Spam; ugly meat with an unfamiliar and creepy taste. As bad as you think real spam might taste, imitation spam tastes worse.
3. Pop-Tarts - There are imitation Pop-Tarts that are okay, but the kind they sell at 99-cent stores are downright nasty.
4. Pens - Even if you do manage to find that pack of two hundred pens for ninety-nine cents, one hundred and ninety-nine of them will run out of ink and stop working within ten seconds.
This list could be longer, but I'm tired.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
E! Network Plans All Brad and Angelina Channel
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Australians held a contest to find the country's ugliest sheep. The winner will be flown to the United States to become the new First Lady of Arkansas.
The president of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez, applauded high oil prices and called on OPEC to cut production to raise prices even higher. The rest of the world called on Hugo Chavez to be beaten to death with fuel pump hoses.
The United States managed to assassinate the number one al-Qaeda operative in Iraq, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. Osama bin Laden was quoted as saying, "Glad they spent all that time looking for him instead of me."
A new survey of college students found that iPods are more popular than beer. But the results have been questioned because the students taking the survey were drunk.
Fox crowned the nation's new American Idol, Taylor Hicks. At the same time, they crowned the nation's ugliest pop singer.
Brad and Angelina had their baby this week. The baby has already been named as People's Most Beautiful Person for 2007.
Brad and Angelina sold their baby's first photos to People Magazine for 4.5 million dollars. They've already announced what they plan to do with it - pay for Angelina Jolie's yearly supply of lip balm.
In her divorce papers, Denise Richards accused her ex-husband Charlie Sheen of looking at a gay porn website. In response, the website's legal department released a statement that reads, "We prefer the term 'adult entertainment' to describe Mister Cruise's website."
Fox announced that it's planning a big-screen version of the hit TV series 24. There have been concerns about the success of the movie, since it'll be twenty-four hours long. Fox suggests packing a lunch.
Professional racing horse Barbaro broke its leg in the second race towards a Triple Crown win. Many fans worried about whether the horse would be shot, like other popular horses such as Horatio Nelson, Charismatic, and conservative commentator Ann Coulter.
The NHL playoffs went into full swing. And nobody cares.
See you next Tuesday.
Friday, June 09, 2006
It's hard to believe, but there was once a time when laser tag was a bold and futuristic idea. In the eighties, there were two competing systems - Photon and Laser Tag. The fact that the game of shooting your friends with lasers is now known universally as Laser Tag shows who won. Both of them made TV shows, and just like the games, one was better than the other.
Photon was about a modern-day (well, eighties, anyway) teenager Bhodi Lee who was secretly a member of an intergalactic police force. When he was summoned, he would go off on adventures to faraway planets to do battle with an elite team of aliens. They filmed some segments in blue-screen with alien planets projected onto the backgrounds. This idea was horrible. It gave the show a look that screamed "fake."
* The show was Japanese dubbed into English. Amazingly enough, I never noticed this when I was a kid. Shows how long ago it was.
* Every episode, the good and evil teams would race to charge a crystal with good energy or evil energy.
* The aliens were truly freaky. No bumpy foreheads on this show. One of Bhodi's partners wore a miner's helmet.
X-Entertainment Episode Review
Vikki's Photon Page
Internet Movie Database
Chilandra's Photon Links
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
We all know that working at McDonald's is a glamorous job, but few people get to experience it in life. Until now. Artist Garnet Hertz has created the McDonald's Employee Simulator, a shockingly intricate and engaging website that accurately simulates what it's like to work at the Big Mac counter in a real McDonald's restaurant. If you can't work at McDonald's in real-life, this is the next best thing.
A popular psychologist is shot to death by a jealous husband. A millionaire dives into a bonfire of his own creation. A woman starves to death in front of her computer next to a kitchen full of food.Check it out at Nigelgmitchell.bravehost.com
The owners of popular websites are dying, and freelance journalist Amanda Katt wants to know why. Could it have something to do with Arachne, one of the most popular sites on the Internet? When Amanda Katt sets out to answer that question, she gets more than just another story. Someone has found a way to make a website more addictive than any drug. It will make people go anywhere, do anything, and kill anyone to protect it. As Amanda races to unravel the mystery of Arachne's power, she finds herself plunged into a world of death and deception. She soon discovers that Arachne is everywhere and so are its followers, and that she's the only one who can stop it before it's too late.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
more subtle version of the marketing ploy of killing Superman. Batman was killed psychologically and reborn. I want to read the next two volumes in the series.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
I thought X3 was a good movie, way better than I thought it would be. But I remember being worried because I had heard Serena Williams was up for a role as a bisexual prostitute who uses pheremones to seduce her enemies. After I saw the movie, I was like "Where was she?" Turns out that role never got off the ground - the idea ended about the same time the director Brett Ratner broke up with her. Turns out the only reason that idea ever materialized is because Ratner was dating Serena Williams at the time. That's a relief.
Top Five Reasons I'm Worried About X-Men 3
Friday, June 02, 2006
They're trying to create a new American Idol with So You Think You Can Dance. Singing competition, dancing competition - two sides of the same coin, right? Here's the problem. When you win a singing competition, that opens a lotta doors. You release a record, it becomes a hit, you make another hit record, maybe parlay that into a movie or TV career. There's no brass ring for dancing. What do you do, become a back-up dancer for Britney Spears? Show up in a music video for Jay-Z? With American Idol, you have the dream of going from a nobody to a household name. Doesn't work that way for dancing. How many people even know who won last year's competition? And that name's too long, doesn't roll off the tongue. Why didn't they call it American Dancer or something like that?
Thursday, June 01, 2006