Monday, December 24, 2012

"Dead Links" is on Goodreads [Writing]

I recently published my thriller novel, Dead Links, as an ebook on the Amazon Kindle Store. As I said on our other blog, Geek Twins, I mainly did because I wanted to bring Dead Links under control. A few years ago, I posted Dead Links on another website as a free PDF. I recently discovered it's been spread like wildfire, but not always in places and forms I wanted it to be. But one place I'm glad to see it ended up is on Goodreads.

I discovered that four different people apparently added Dead Links as an entry on Goodreads. It's been given four stars, and one of them wrote some nice comments. I'm working to edit the Goodreads entry to bring it up to date, but I have to get librarian status. Anyway, if you're on Goodreads, check it out.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Why I Hate When the Cashier Leaves Out My Candy Bar

I hate it when I buy a candy bar at the grocery store and the cashier doesn't put it in the bag with the rest of my groceries, but puts it on the counter in front of me. It's like she's saying, "I know you're such a fat pig that you can't even wait to take this out of the bag. You aren't even going to wait to get to your car, but you're gonna tear into this thing before you even take two steps away from the freaking counter. You can't wait to stuff this into your gullet, so you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna leave it right here, so the second you pay, you can just tear it open and start cramming it into your gaping maw, like an animal, not a grown man with self control. You're welcome." No, give me the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I bought it for someone else. Maybe I bought it for dessert after my balanced meal. Maybe I have the discipline to wait until I get home or to my car. Maybe I'm not the glutton you clearly think I am. But mainly I hate when they take out the candy bar, because she's absolutely right.

[Image Source: stock.xchng]

Monday, October 29, 2012

"Happy Little Clouds": Bob Ross Auto-Tuned [Video]

I loved Bob Ross. A painter on PBS, he made painting look magical. With a flick of his brush, he would create clouds, trees, mountains, and streams. More than his skill at painting, Ross also made painting look fun with his constant refrain that you were the creator, and the way he would always described his creations as "happy, little" objects. He also managed to be somewhat of a philosopher when he would explain that there were no mistakes, only happy accidents. Ross was about an affirmation of the joys of life, not just painting. I never painted, but I could watch Bob Ross for hours. That's why I loved this remix of Bob Ross by PBS Digital called "Happy Little Clouds."

Thursday, October 04, 2012

To The Lady Who Honked at Me When My Car Stalled in the Middle of an Intersection [Open Letter]

Dear Lady Who Honked at Me When My Car Stalled in the Middle of an Intersection,

What is your freaking problem?! I'm driving through the intersection after the light turns green, and my car stalls right in the middle of the street, okay? The light changes red, and I'm still stuck there trying to get my car to start, and you come up at full speed on my passenger side, glaring at me like you're on a dare, then stop and blast your horn. Did you not hear me starting and revving my engine, trying to get going again? Are you so stupid that you can't grasp the concept of a malfunctioning car? Or are you so self-centered that you think your attitude will magically make my car start again? Or do you seriously think I was just driving along and just decided to stop and sit there in an intersection for the fun of it? Like what I want is to get hit by on-coming cars? How can one human being be so unsympathetic to another person's problem? What would have happened if I'd been a pedestrian who'd been hit by a car and lay there bleeding to death in the street? Would you drive up to me, then blast your horn at me like, "Let's go! Don't just lie there! Get up! The light's green! I have things to do!" I hope your car blows all four tires in the middle of the freeway while you're going eighty like you always do, because you're an insensitive witch who thinks the world belongs to you, and your car tips over and crashes and you lie there in the smoking wreckage while all the other cars honk at you instead of calling 911.

Signed,
Nigel

Wednesday, October 03, 2012

Rihanna and Chris Brown Are NOT a Cute Couple! [Celebrity]

Okay, so the rumors have been pretty much confirmed that Rihanna and Chris Brown are at least hanging out again, if not an outright couple. I'm not surprised, given the flood of appearances and comments the two have about and for each other. But I am surprised by articles like this one at Hollywoodlife entitled "Chris Brown & Rihanna Dating Again - Going Public With Their Love." I was disgusted to read something like this:
And you two need to be mature about having a far better, more mature and safe relationship than you had before. You really should be in counseling together to ensure that you have a healthy and completely non-violent relationship from now on. You need to learn to not push each other’s hot buttons and to resolve your differences when you argue, in a mature way...We’ve heard at Hollywoodlife.com that you, Rihanna, have been in regular therapy. That’s terrific, and I’m sure very helpful, but we don’t know about Chris.
The comments in the article are similarly oblivious with comments like:
My thought is that she almost destroyed chris brown and his career and i think that he nees to take it slow with her. Now that he is back in business and doing good she want him back.
RIHANNA almost destroyed Chris Brown?! CHRIS BROWN almost destroyed Chris Brown by beating up Rihanna...unbelievable. But it gets worse with:
Rihanna and Chris Brown need to get back togther becuase they where good couple together because it semms like when they brake up something is not right they know that they love each other Rihanna still loves Chris Brown and Chris Brown still loves Rihanna so they need to go ahead and get back together and go ahead and get married!!!!!!!
What is wrong with you people?! Do you all have amnesia? Why is everyone talking about their relationship, including the author of this article, like they're just another cute celebrity couple who had a lover's tiff? Chris Brown and Rihanna broke up, because he beat and left her for dead on the side of the road. Just to jog your memory, here's a description from the police report:

Remember this?
A verbal argument ensued and Brown pulled the vehicle over on an unknown street, reached over Robyn F. [Rihanna] with his right hand, opened the car door and attempted to force her out. Brown was unable to force Robyn F. out of the vehicle because she was wearing a seat belt. When he could not force her to exit, he took his right hand and shoved her head against the passenger window of the vehicle causing an approximate one inch raised circular contusion. Robyn F. turned to face Brown and he punched her in the left eye with his right hand. He then drove away in the vehicle and continued to punch her in the face with his right hand while steering the vehicle with his left hand. The assault caused Robyn F.'s mouth to fill with blood and splatter all over her clothing and the interior of the vehicle. Brown looked at Robyn F. and stated, "I'm going to beat the *** out of you when we get home! You wait and see!" Robyn F. picked up her cellular telephone and called her personal assistant, Jennifer Rosales...After Robyn F. faked the call, Brown looked at her and stated, "You just did the stupidest thing ever! Now I'm really going to kill you!" Brown resumed punching Robyn F. and she interlocked her fingers behind her head and brought her elbows forward to protect her face. She then bent over at the waist, placing her elbows and face near her lap in attempt to protect her face and head from the barrage of punches being levied upon her by Brown. Brown continued to punch Robyn F. on her left arm and hand causing her to suffer a contusion on her left tricep that was approximately two inches in diameter and numerous contusions on her left hand. Robyn then attempted to send a text message to her other personal assistant, Melissa Ford. Brown snatched the cellular telephone out of her hand and threw it out of the window onto an unknown street... Brown continued driving and Robyn F. observed the cellular telephone sitting in his lap. She picked up the cellular telephone with her left hand and before she could make a call he placed her in a head lock with his right hand and continued to drive the vehicle with his left hand. Brown pulled Robyn F. close to him and bit her on the left ear...Brown [began] punching her in the face and arms. He then placed her in a head lock positioning the front of her throat between his bicep and forearm. Brown began applying pressure to Robyn F.'s left and right carotid arteries causing her to be unable to breathe and she began to lose consciousness. She reached up with her left hand and began attempting to gouge his eyes in an attempt to free herself. Brown bit her left ring and middle fingers and then released her. While Brown continued to punch her, she turned and a [sic] placed her back against the passenger door. She brought her knees to her chest, placed her feet against Brown's body and began pushing him away. Brown continued to punch her on the legs and feet causing several contusions. Robyn F. began screaming for help and Brown exited the vehicle and walked away.
Not exactly a lover's quarrel. And Rihanna has already admitted it wasn't an isolated incident.

Rihanna getting back together with Chris is not because they're in love, it's a classic case of an insecure and emotionally manipulated woman who returns to her abuser. As for Brown, he's the one who needs therapy. Serious therapy. And Rihanna needs to be publicly called out as setting a bad example to other women and young girls in abusive relationships who can now point to the two of them as "proof" that an abuser can change. I'm not going to blame the victim, but we as a society need to set the tone that what Rihanna is doing is unhealthy and dangerous.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Steve Carrell is the People's Choice...that's what she said [Video]

The Office has pushed the phrase "that's what she said" into the mainstream, and no one has embraced it more than Steve Carrell. Check out his acceptance speech for the People's Choice Awards. The best part is that everything he says is something I've heard someone say in a genuine acceptance speech.

He missed a few, though.

"This moment is so much bigger than me."

"Without my wife/husband, none of this would be possible."

[When the music starts playing] "Wait, can you give me just one more minute? I'm not done yet."

[Via YouTube]

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Epic Rap Battle of Manliness

Two guys channel Chuck Norris in an epic rap battle for masculinity... 

[Via YouTube

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Peewee's Big Adventure: The Movie Poster

I love Peewee's Big Adventure. And I love this movie poster, made to look like the poster for the movie within the movie, Peewee's Big Adventure.

[Via Casey Weldon via Reddit]

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

MemeWatch: Gangnam style [Meme]

Have you heard the phrase "gangnam style" and didn't know what it meant? Want to be ahead of the curve on what the young people are doing? Then let's learn together with MemeWatch. Today's lesson is on "gungnam style."

From Know Your Meme, here's an explanation:

Gangnam Style is a 2012 dance pop single written and performed by Korean pop singer Park Jae Sung, better known by his stage name PSY. Since the release of the song and its highly entertaining music video in mid-July 2012, the video has gained more than 8 million views in the span of two weeks and spawned numerous parodies and copycat dance videos on YouTube.

The mass appeal of the music video has been attributed to its signature dance move known as "the horse-riding dance," which combines the stylistic elements of shuffle dancing and hand movements resembling the posture of a horseback rider. “Gangnam Style” is a Korean neologism referring to the upscale fashion and lavish lifestyle associated with trendsetters in Seoul’s Gangnam district, which is considered the most affluent part of the metropolitan area. In colloquial usage, it is comparable to the English slang terms "swag" or "yolo."

Here's the video:

Personally, I think that dance is awesome.

[Via YouTube]

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Jimmy Kimmel Proves iPhone Users Are Sheep [Video]

With the announcement of the "new" iPhone 5 with the usual incremental and inconsequential improvements that iPhone users are desperate to have, Jimmy Kimmel decided to have some fun. He went out on the street with an iPhone 4S (the only iPhone currently available) and claimed it was an iPhone 5. Let's see if people (specifically owners of the iPhone 4S) could tell the difference.


iPhone users, take control! Take control of your cell phones! Behold, the instrument of your liberation!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Jokebook: Cat's on the Roof

A woman’s on vacation and calls home to her husband. She asks, "How’s my cat doing?"

The husband says, "The cat’s dead."

The woman’s upset and says, "Well, you could have broken the news to me when I got home. I can’t enjoy my vacation now. You could’ve just said a little white lie, like the cat’s on the roof and you can’t get her down."

"Okay, I’m sorry," says the husband, "I’ll remember that."

The woman says, "Anyway, how’s my mother doing?"

The husband says, "Your mother’s up on the roof and we can’t get her down."

Friday, August 31, 2012

Fast Food Mafia [Pics]

What if the fast food industry was like the Mafia? What if it already is? Silentsketch created this mock-up of the fast food chains as Mafioso. See if you can match the character with the fast-food chain: McDonald's, Burger King, Jack-in-the-Box, Wendy's, KFC, Papa John, Little Ceasar's, Taco Bell, Panda Express, Sonic's, Quizno's, Subway, Dairy Queen.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Why Kristen Stewart Has Crashed, And Why She Deserves It [Entertainment]

The Hollywood Reporter posted an article defending Kristen Stewart and asking why she's being raked over the coals. Here's what everyone including the author of this article is missing. Kristen is getting worked over, not because of what she did, but because of who she is.

Yes, she cheated on her boyfriend with a married man. She's not the first and won't be the last. The reality is that Kristen became famous because of one thing - her relationship, both on and off screen, with Robert Pattinson. She could have kept the relationship on screen and pursured other guys, but she chose to take it into real-life, and in the process created a fairy-tale romance that her fans clung to. By betraying him and exposing herself as a cheater, she pretty much killed the only thing she had going. Let's face it - Kristen is not that good an actress, so it's not like she had her acting career to fall back on. She's pretty, but not abundantly so. In interviews and public appearances, Kristen has varied between indifference and surliness, so she doesn't have her sunny personality to win her fans over with. In the end, RPat was her career.And she blew it. Losing her teenage girl fanbase left no one to support her.

Oh, and I noticed the THR article was written by an "anonymous insider." I'm guessing that translates into "Kristen Stewart's publicist."

EDIT: Turns out her name is spelled "Kristen" not "Kirsten." Durrr...

Thursday, August 09, 2012

Thursday, July 05, 2012

One Page: The Pennyworth Bauble

This entry is inspired by Chip Zdarsky's One Page series, where he posts a single page from a work in progress. This one is from a Victorian romance novel I'm working on called The Pennyworth Bauble. The flavor of the period's language is the hardest part, but I think it's coming along well.

Saturday, April 07, 2012

3 "CSI: Miami" One-Liners

One of my favorite memes out there is the CSI: Miami comic (link: some of the gags are NSFW). It's based on the tendency for David Caruso's tendency to give a pun about the murder before the opening sequence. Here's a compilation of real-life examples.

I love it so much, I made three of my own versions. Yo:

Monday, March 19, 2012

10 Best of the Jealous Girl Meme

Courtesy of Meme Generator...the 10 best of the Jealous Girl image meme...

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Jokebook: Anti-Women

My wife never reads this blog, so...how about some women jokes?

Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: So they can stand closer to the sink.

Q: How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence with, "A man once told me...."

Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't. There's a clock on the oven.

Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, because at least he'll shut up after you let him in.

One golfer tells another: "I got a set of golf clubs for my wife."
The other replies: "Good trade."

Q: What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?
A: No mind and no business.


A man gets a call from his credit card company who tells him, "We've been showing some unusual purchases on your card. We think it's been stolen."

The man says, "Yeah, it was stolen three months ago."

The credit card company says, "Three months ago? Why didn't you report it?"

The man says, "Because the thief is spending less than my wife did."


A Mercedes is driving down the road over the speed limit when a police car starts flashing its lights at him.

To the police officer's surprise, the Mercedes speeds up. A high-speed chase follows for a half-hour until the Mercedes finally pulls over and stops.

The police officer comes up to the Mercedes where the driver wipes sweat from his forehead as he says,

"I'm sorry, officer. It's just that my wife left me for a cop last week."

The police officer nodded in sympathy. "Oh, that making you feel a bit hostile towards cops lately?"

"No," the driver says, "I was afraid you were him, and you were trying to give her back."

In case you ever read this, just kidding, honey! Love you. Now make me a sammich...

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

A Simple Explanation of SOPA's Dangers [Video]

The Wikipedia/Internet Blackout of 2011 was one of the most effective grassroots PR campaigns I've seen in recent memory. A lot of people have been complaining and trying to raise awareness of the looming danger of the SOPA and ProtectIP bills, but it was mainly an issue among nerds and public watchdog groups. But when Wikipedia and Google blacked out their sites, that reached the mainstream. When my wife asked me what SOPA was, I knew a historic moment had been reached. But then came a new problem; explaining what all the fuss was about. It's easy to get into a lot of Internet jargon and tech crap, but this video does an awesome job of explaining the problem and it's implications. It does more in minutes than I could ever do in an hour.

UPDATE: Included the actual video so you can actually watch it

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The Motivations of Movie Serial Killers vs. Real Serial Killers

UPDATE: Okay, here's the deal. In movies and television, serial killers always have some complex and detailed explanation for why they do what they do. The detectives will study the crimes and say, "Okay, so the killer kidnaps women, blindfolds them, and ties scales onto their hands, because he's a lawyer and the women he kills represent the figure of Justice, a figure he used to see every day outside his window when he was three years old. And he's killing women who have escaped justice in his mind, so he's trying to balance the scales." In real life, there's only one reason serial killers do what they do: they get off on it. That goes for every serial killer they've ever caught from the Son of Sam to Ed Gein.