Tuesday, October 14, 2003

Nazi dogs and the danger of navigation systems

Have you heard about the German man who taught his dog to hold up its right paw in a Hitler salute? That's right, at his command, the dog would hold out its paw while he yelled "Seig Heil!" Apparently (and thankfully) that sort of thing is illegal in Germany. He was charged with "using symbols of unconstitutional organisations" and could get three years. At least he didn't shave the dog's head or teach the dog to goose-step. The dog will be sent to a pet shelter, which I think is a shame. It was only following orders. Maybe in prison, someone will teach the owner some tricks...

And for those who look forward to the day when we all have computer-controlled cars that drive us around, talk to the Bavarian tourist whose car had an onboard navigation system. He decided to follow his system exclusively because he didn't know the city. Seemed like a good idea until it malfunctioned and sent him straight into a supermarket, and I mean that literally. He was so focused on the machine that he didn't notice until he plowed through the front doors and hit a rack of shelves. I'll bet just before the crash, he was yelling, "Jane, stop this crazy thing!" This is why I'm glad Microsoft doesn't build cars.
Categories: [news]

Saturday, October 11, 2003

Charity Case

On October 10, a man in Chattanooga was caught on video stealing a donation jar for the St. Jude Children's Research Hospital from a convenience store. I don't know if it gets any lower than that...oh yes, it does. The jar only contained ten dollars. Fortunately, this guy was not only scummy, but also stupid. He was a regular customer, so they just waited for him to come in again and arrested him.

And also check out this link to hear the gripping account of two neighbors, an extension cord, and a saw. I love police blotters.


Giving Monkeys Migraines

Welcome to the home of Monkey Migraine. We've been giving monkeys migraines for 200 years and now you can, too! To make your official Monkey Migraine Migrainizer, all you need is the following:

1 live monkey (preferably pygmy marmoset)
10 feet of rope
1 wooden hammer
2 feet of tin foil
4 thumbtacks
1 tube of glue

First, tie up the monkey in a cage or chair with the rope. Then, take your wooden hammer and wrap it in the tinfoil. Glue the foil on firmly. Place the thumbtacks on the head of the hammer and glue them down. Wait two hours until the glue is dry. Take the hammer firmly in your right hand and hit the monkey's head with the hammer fifteen times. This should give him a really bad headache. Continue this every day until the monkey has a full-blown migraine. Simple and easy! If you can't find a monkey, then a rodeo clown can be substituted.
Categories: misc