Saturday, April 30, 2005

Hello Kitty?

Like everyone else, I've seen Hello Kitty on lunchboxes, posters, stickers, but I never really knew who or what it was. I always assumed Hello Kitty came from a cartoon show or something. In reality, the character exists solely to stick on products. Check out this retrospective at Hilary Magazine.

Digital Dieting

You ever look at an amazingly hot picture of your favorite actress and think, "Wow, she's almost too beautiful." Yeah, me either. But did you ever wonder how much was real and what was digital?

That's why I hate Cosmopolitan. That's because they always airbrush the heck out of their cover models. Even my favorite actresses like Jennifer Love Hewitt and Angelina Jolie look fake in their hands. I found an interesting website that shows before and after of an airbrushed model. When you see the magic they can do, you'll never look at any picture the same again.
Categories: misc

Movie of the Lost

It's official...Will Ferrell has signed on to play the father in the new Land of the Lost movie, which means it's now on the fast track. I'm totally looking forward to this movie, because I think Ferrell could do it right. They made a new version in 1991, but they took the concept too seriously. Even the original didn't take itself that seriously. Hopefully, Will Ferrell will give the show the wacky, campy feel it needs. Sort of a Brady Bunch Movie meets Jurassic Park. And this a week after our Flashback on Land of the Lost. Coincedence? Probably.

Friday, April 29, 2005

Even Little Vader Hates Star Wars

It turns out that not only did the fans hate the little kid in "Phantom Menace," so did the little kid. Jake Lloyd, the boy who was given such classic lines as "yippeee!!" has done his first interview in six years for Turns out he's been in seclusion all these years, trying to recover from the humiliation of that movie. And he's sixteen! Can you believe it's been that long? How time flies.

We also have an exclusive interview with the other most hated character in Star Wars, Jar Jar Binks.

Q: What drove you into hiding?
A: Oh, meesa be gettin' death threats from muy-muy fans. Meesa seen cartoon where Jar Jar get chopped up. Meesa no like it, so meesa sayin' bye-bye. Jar Jar bein' in college for few years, thinkin' on Art History major. Meesa also been doin' few independent films, plays off-Broadway, and commercials overseas.

Q: How have you coped with the criticism?
A: It'sa bein' hard on Jar Jar. So many people be hatin' Jar Jar. Meesa be seein' all dat, meesa wanna bury head in da sand. Jar Jar even get into the prescription pain medication. Dat be makin' Jar Jar all crazy up in head for long time, but Boss be doin' intervention last year. Meesa go into rehab, get cleaned up. Meesa also be goin' to therapy, makin' muy-muy progress on self-actualization. Jar Jar be knowin' it not Jar Jar people be hatin'. It be character on film. Meesa be knowin' his limits now, learn to love Jar Jar first.

Q: Did you ever take some of the criticism to heart, try to improve on your character in the second film?
A: Me be wantin' good scripts, good lines. Meesa hire writer to help out wit' Attack of the Clones. Me wanna make subplot where Jar Jar be gettin' smart, become Jedi like little Annie. But Lucas, he no listenin'. He be puttin' in more scenes of me trippin' on bantha poodoo, hittin' head, stuff like dat. So I be askin' George Lucas, "cut me outta dere." Only have few scenes in Clones, havin' no scenes in third episode. Jar Jar outta dere.

Q: What will you be appearing in next?
A: Meesa gonna do Death of a Salesman at off-Broadway playhouse in September. Meesa also be in studio, got a new album comin' out wit' best buddies Eve and 50 Cent. But meesa be really wantin' to direct.
Categories: entertainment

Friday, April 22, 2005

News Nuggets

Britney Spears confirmed that she is pregnant, thus ending the sexual fantasies of men all over the world. The unborn fetus has already signed a music contract, gotten a quickie divorce, and kissed Madonna on the mouth.

A hotel in France burned down this week, killing twenty. The French guests died when they surrendered to the smoke and flames.

Millions have flooded to Rome to visit the tomb of Pope John Paul, but one person has been barred from visiting the tomb - Sinead O'Connor. The tomb is so popular that Disney has announced plans to build a theme park around it called PopeLand.

The mother of Michael Jackson's accuser took the stand, and begged the jury not to judge her. Michael Jackson immediately tried to do the same thing, just in case it worked. The mother became so distraught that she had to be subdued with a Coke can full of Jesus Juice. But really, just because she let a suspected pedophile lick her son's head and sleep in the same bed, does that make her a bad mother? Yes.

The president signed the bankruptcy reform bill, which reduces the number of people who can file for bankruptcy. The bill also issues everyone in America a pre-approved credit card.

Two enormous bombs exploded in Baghdad today when the first showings of "Alexander" and "Gigli" aired in Iraq.

The Washington Nationals played and won the first baseball game in D.C. in decades, but the winner was cast in doubt when the opposing team demanded a recount. The president threw out the first pitch, which was helped across the plate by several players in black suits and sunglasses.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Mad Max: Beyond Blunderdome

A group of fans of the Mad Max movies were on their way to a marathon of the series, when they came up with a great idea. Why not re-create the classic battle at the end of Mad Max 2: Road Warrior, where the bad guys surrounded and tried to take down a moving oil tanker? So they got themselves some cars, a tanker truck, and some plastic machine guns and had themselves a time.

Great idea...except they forgot to warn the people who lived alongside the highway in San Antonio where the re-enactment took place. The police were flooded with calls that a "militia" was attacking an oil tanker. Eleven people were arrested - nine for obstruction of a highway, and two for possession of knives. Worst of all, the movie marathon was cancelled.

I know what you're thinking, and I'm thinking it, too; that was a really stupid thing to do, and man, that sounds awesome. I wish I had a video of that. One of the guys arrested said he couldn't understand why people couldn't figure out it was a prank. I guess the guy with the leather strap over his eyes and mouth, peacock feathers on his head, and pants with the butts cut out weren't enough clues for them.

We don't have the video (yet), but you can check out some homemade Mad Max costumes...I think they might have looked something like this.

Flashback: Land of the Lost

This week, we journey back to the Land of the Lost, the classic 70's TV show. I think this show succeeded at tapping into the love of dinosaurs we all had before science got in the way. Okay, so the T-Rex and the caveman never really co-existed. All right, so there's no way to go back in time. But what if the fantasy world of dinosaurs and cavemen really existed, and anyone could get there if they took the wrong step? That's what this show was. Plus, you had a little Swiss Family Robinson thrown in. There's a fantastic article in Wikipedia on this show.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Unlike a Virgin

How far we've come...five years after Britney was wearing schoolgirl outfits and preaching abstinence before marriage, Britney's lived with a guy, gotten tattoos, started using profanity, smoking, and drinking, written a song about masturbating, gotten married twice, divorced once, and now she's pregnant.

That last one only confirms my belief about gossip, which is to consider it true until proven false. Britney's been saying for months that she's not pregnant, even while tabloids were writing stories and showing photos proving she was. Oh no, she just gained weight. She's buying maternity clothes. Oh no, she's buying them for her cousin. She's wearing a maternity dress. Oh no, she was just wearing it for a costume party. She's admitted to the hospital for a possible miscarriage. Yeah, okay, she's pregnant.

The most interesting wrinkle in this story is that her marriage to Loser McDo-Nothing, also known as Kevin Federline, is rumored to be on the rocks. They're "allegedly" sleeping in separate rooms and calling on Kabbalah priests to try to save their marriage. That leaves the possibility that Britney might end up divorced twice and a single mother before she's twenty-five. Now all she needs to do is die in a flaming car wreck caused by an overdose of drugs, and the train wreck that was the life of Britney Spears will be complete. I'll bet Behind the Music is prepping the cameras as we speak.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

C is for Celery

Brace yourself...the Cookie Monster will be eating vegetables. That's right, Sesame Street will be introducing a storyline where the Cookie Monster is taught that cookies are a "sometimes" food, and that it would be better to eat fruits and vegetables. I'm not usually one to cry "politically-incorrect" or Thought Police, but even this smacks of going a little too far. Leave me my Muppets, that's all I ask.

Come On Baby, Work Them Daisies...

When they first announced that Britney Spears was aiming for the role of Daisy Duke in the new Dukes of Hazzard movie, I was horrified. Britney just doesn't have the sexy innocence of the original Daisy. I heaved a sigh of relief when I found out Jessica Simpson got the role. Finally, new pics of Jessica Simpson in her Daisy Dukes have arrived and I have inspected them for accuracy.

You know what? Jessica's cute, but she has almost no butt. I know the original Daisy Duke wasn't exactly Jennifer Lopez, but the character whose name is synonymous with short-shorts needs to have something to fill them out. On the other hand, Britney has a reasonably-sized trunk. They could at least have padded Jessica up a little.

While we're on the subject, since when is Daisy Duke blonde? They couldn't get Jessica to dye her hair brown?

Friday, April 01, 2005

Gay Who

Only days after the enormously successful launch of the brand-new Doctor Who series on the BBC, it's all come crashing down again. The celebrated actor Christopher Eccleston who plays the new Doctor has refused to sign up for a second season, leaving the BBC with a mountain of toys and other merchandising that will be obsolete by the time it hits the shelves.

What's even more interesting than the departure is the reason. It seems Eccleston finds his character too gay. I haven't personally seen the show, but this photo doesn't exactly screen macho, does it? And the fact that the new Who writer used to write the gay series Queer as Folk isn't exactly a plus, either. There's a rumor that Orlando Bloom will be the next Doctor Who. All I'll say about that is I don't think he'll mind the gay-oriented approach (cough cough).

O.J. 2.0

And so it's begun again. Robert Blake, famed actor and murder suspect, was acquittedof all charges. The uproar was immediate - rightous indignation, questioning of thelegal system, vows to never forgive him. Very familiar, isn't it? Almost like thetrial of a former football player a few years back. Blake and O.J. both need money -they should go on tour. Call it the Injustice Tour, where they go around the country,stand on stage, and let people throw vegetables and abuse at them for two hours.

To be honest, I had the same reaction when I heard Blake was acquitted. "Howcould this happen? He's guilty, isn't he? Jay Leno said so." So unlike most people, I actually went to CourtTV and did some reading up on the trial. I'm not saying Blake is innocent, but just like O.J., the case wasn't as open-and-shut as everyone led me to believe. There wasn't a shred of direct evidence tying him to the murder. No fingerprints, no murder weapon, no witnesses, nothing. So I suggest all those who are quick to judge Blake do the research.

Bottom line - it's not society's job to judge and execute punishment. That's what courts are for. The court found Blake innocent. Move on, people. Like there's a chance of that happening.