Monday, July 25, 2005

The Bride of Cruise

A lot has been said about the whole Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes engagement. It seems like the majority of people don't believe it's real...and with activity like this, who blames what does it all mean?

Most people said it was a publicity stunt for their movies, which never made sense to me. Katie Holmes, I could believe. She's a minor celebrity with a bit part in a popular movie, so she had a lot to gain. But Tom Cruise in a Steven Spielberg movie? The only way Tom Cruise could get more publicity is if he set himself on fire and ran naked through Times Square. He sure didn't have to cook up a fake romance for publicity. No, I believe it's something deeper.

Let's look at the facts. Tom Cruise has become an enormous shill for the Scientology Church, pretty much the only credible member they have left. I mean, would you convert for John Travolta or Lisa-Marie Presley? Not only has Tom Cruise become more visible with Katie Holmes, he's also become more outspoken about Scientology. There's his anti-psychiatry rants, his appearances at church openings, etc. Can't be a coincedence. Before this whole thing broke out, how many people even knew Cruise was into Scientology?

Then there's the fact that Cruise sought out a celebrity partner like he was shopping for a new car. We know Holmes wasn't his first choice. Scarlett Johannsen almost got sandbagged by Cruise when a "business meeting" turned into a recruitment seminar. If we assume Holmes got the same treatment, then she was totally brainwashed. There are even rumors that she might have gotten a five million dollar contract to play out the charade. So Holmes had nothing to do with it.

Here's what I think. Scientology hasn't been cool since the eighties, and I'm sure Kaballah is cutting into their share of celebrity religious kooks.

I think they decided to turn Tom Cruise into a walking billboard for Scientology. He has a new movie coming out, and lots of interviews. Perfect time to bust out. Official church policy calls for recruiting celebrities, but I haven't heard of a new recruit in a long time. They needed new blood. But Nicole Kidman didn't convert, and neither would Penelope Cruz. Scientology also has a policy of arranging marriages. I think they ordered Cruise to find a new girlfriend/wife who could be publicly converted, then paraded around to show how great the church is. Holmes was the last resort. Now the two of them are parading around the world, drawing attention back to the church. But it won't work, because Cruise is a nutcase, and Holmes is a zombie, and everyone knows it.

Anyway, that's what I think. The amazing thing about researching Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes is that the more you read, the more bizarre it becomes.

On the topic of how sick Katie Holmes is:
* She has a Scientology "minder" who follows her everywhere, even into the bathroom, and openly tells her what to say.
* She disappeared for sixteen days when even her own family didn't know where she was, and when she re-appeared she was suddenly in love with Tom Cruise and Scientology.
* In interviews, Holmes appears vacant and repeats the same phrases over and over again, regardless of the question.

Some good editorials on the topic:
* Eyes Wide Nut
* Is Tom Cruise Nuts Or What
* Hard For Me To Say I'm Sorry

Some interviews that show how Cruise has gone off the tracks:
* Rolling Stone
* Sixty Minutes

And then there's my favorite link: Tom Cruise is

But seriously, try typing Tom Cruise or Katie Holmes into Google News. It could almost be a full-time job charting this.


Mauricem said...

Creepy stuff. It's amazing to hear the same words come out of two different peoples mouths over and over again. When Tom was being interviewed on Oprah, he kept sweating whenever he was asked a question that couldn't be answered by "she's wonderful" and "we just want to celebrate our love".
By the way, what's with giving couples nicknames that combine their names?
Bennifer? TomKat

Monkey Migraine said...

I blame Lopez for that Bennifer thing. And I thought it was amazing how Cruise couldn't remember their first date.

My favorite Cruise quote:
"Some people, well, if they don't like Scientology, well, then, f---you." He rises from the table. "Really." He points an angry finger at the imaginary enemy. "F--- you." His face reddens. "Period."

golfwidow said...

You reminded me of something: Katie disappeared for sixteen days at the beginning of this. I had forgotten about that. Now, it turns out that she appeared exactly sixteen days after the birth, AND SHE HAS ALREADY LOST ALL THE BABY WEIGHT.