Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Quit Whining: R&B Singers

What's up with R&B songs where the guy's whining about how a girl left him? I swear, ninety percent of R&B songs I hear these days are about some guy begging his girl to come back to him or whaling about how he shouldn't have let her go. Have some pride, people. What happened to the good old days? I know where this comes from -- women wanting to listen to some hot guy grovel at their feet or imagining the song is from their ex-boyfriend so they can feel a visceral revenge.
Categories: opinion

Saturday, July 15, 2006

My Goddess: Exclamations of the Future

Why is it that in movies and TV shows, people in the future don't use the expression "Oh my God" anymore? Not that we use it that much these days,but whenever something startling happens, people in the future always have some weird variation. Like "Oh my Goddess!" Or "By the Gods!" I was watching one movie last night where the future is ruled by a dictator named the Master, and everybody goes "By the Master!" They never say "holy &*!#"or "what in @*&%." I guess a more enlightened future won't have curse words. Maybe we should start working on that right now, because you wouldn't want the future to come and all the profanity to disappear, and not have a backup plan. We'd hit our thumbs with a hammer and go "Ahhh! Oh,what's that word we used to say? I wish we had some expression to use right about now!" From now on, I say "By the slippery slopes of the mighty moons of Zordlokana!" Don't laugh...in a hundred years, we'll all say it.


I hate blondes. Probably not a big surprise, given my love of blonde jokes and hatred of blonde celebrities like Paris and Britney, but I felt it needed to be said. Now let me say that I have less of a problem with women who are born blonde than those who dye their hair blonde.

Next time you're in a room full of people like the DMV or the movies, count the number of women with blonde hair. Chances are, most of those women are dying their hair blonde. The reason I hate bottle blondes is it shows a complete lack of imagination. "I wanna dye my hair. What color should I choose? Well, blondes have more fun." There are so many colors in the world. If all you can think of is blonde, then you are not even trying. Which means you're stupid. They might as well wear blue contacts, too, like Paris Hilton.

I know why women do it. Blonde gets you noticed, not because it's that beautiful, but because it's bright. It's like wearing a spotlight on your head. Not to say that blonde can't be hot, but I greatly prefer brunettes or redheads.

Bad Villain: Zsasz

One of the villains featured in Knightfall is Zsasz. I remember Zsasz. He was one of the reasons I stopped reading Batman, if not comics in general. He's a serial killer. He has that thing with carving notches in himself for every kill and wearing a mask, but he's still a serial killer. That's the problem with writers today, they have no vision. They would never come up with villains like the Joker and Two-Face today. Batman's villains should be larger-than-life, not the mundane evil we see in the real world. Maybe we've seen too much evil in our world to tolerate the kind of fun and simplistic evil of the old days.

Lincoln's Letter

I heard about this on the radio and looked it up. For perspective, Lincoln himself suffered the death of his first love and also several children...

President Abraham Lincoln wrote this touching letter of condolence to the daughter of his long-time friend, William McCullough. During Lincoln's law circuit days, McCullough was sheriff and clerk of the McLean County Circuit Court in Bloomington, Illinois. Early in the Civil War he helped organize the Fourth Illinois Cavalry, which he served as Lieutenant Colonel. On
December 5, 1862, he was killed during an night charge near Coffeeville, Mississippi.
Executive Mansion,
Washington, December 23, 1862.

Dear Fanny,

It is with deep grief that I learn of the death of your kind and brave Father; and, especially, that it is affecting your young heart beyond what is common in such cases. In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes to all; and, to the young, it comes with bitterest agony, because it takes them unawares. The older have learned to ever expect it. I am anxious to afford some alleviation of your present distress. Perfect relief is not possible, except with time. You can not now realize that you will ever feel better. Is not this so? And yet it is a mistake. You are sure to be happy again. To know this, which is certainly true, will make you some less miserable now. I have had experience enough to know what I say; and you need only to believe it, to feel better at once. The memory of your dear Father, instead of an agony, will yet be a sad sweet feeling in your heart, of a purer and holier sort than you have known before.

Please present my kind regards to your afflicted mother.

Your sincere friend
A. Lincoln

Star Wars vs Star Trek

Freddy vs Jason and Alien vs Predator opened up a whole new genre of film. Which begs the question -what would happen if Star Wars meet Star Trek? Someone found the answer...and it's on YouTube.
Categories: opinion

Jokebook: Drinking Contest

This Texan walks a bar and taps an Irishman on the shoulder. He says, "I hear tell you Irishmen are hard drinkers. Well, I'll bet you ten bucks ya'll can't do this."

The guy orders ten beers, then gulps them all down, one after the other. When he's finished, he turns to the Irishman and says, "Try that."

Instead, the Irishman gets up and runs out of the bar. The Texan laughs and considers himself the winner.

Fifteen minutes later, the Irishman walks back into the bar, taps the Texan on the shoulder, and asks, "Hey, pal, that bet o' yours still stand?"

The Texan shrugs and says, "Sure."

So the Irishman orders ten beers and immediately slams them all down.

While the Texan forks over the money, he says, "You know, I thought ya'll were runnin' out on the bet. How come you left?"

The Irishman says, "Oh, I wasn't sure I could do it, so I went to another pub to practice first."

Jokebook: Estrogen in Beer

Scientists have concluded that beer contains estrogen and turns men intowomen. How do they know? Because men who drink too much beer talk too much,get overly emotional, and can't drive.