Top 10 Monkey Migraine Posts for May 2009

I have a counter for this blog, and I thought it was interesting to see what the top ten posts are and what they mean. Let’s break it down.

1. Yellow Fever: Guys Who Like Asian Women: This is the most popular post on the blog, and has been for a few months now. I guess a lot of guys and gals are interested in the “Yellow Fever” phenomenon. I still think guys with yellow fever get a bad rap. Asian women are beautiful. What’s wrong with that? Although I thought the Onion’s article, “Asian Teen Has Sweaty, Middle-Aged Man Fetish” puts a nice spin on it.
2. Fat Old Man: Darth Vader Unleashed - Although I pride myself on my writing, there’s no denying from the statistics that the vast majority of my blog’s traffic comes from Google Images. For example, this one image of Darth Vader gets me tons of traffic. I think that is a pretty good post. And a good action figure.
3. Pussycat Dolls Are Strippers - From the keyword descriptions, it seems a lot of people stumble onto this post looking for information on whether the Pussycat Dolls were really strippers. I think that’s a sad sign of how far the fraud of the Pussycat Dolls has come. Let me spell it out. The Pussycat Dolls were literally a bunch of strippers (oh, sorry, “burlesque dancers”) that somebody decided to turn into a musical group. Only one (later two) of them could actually sing, but that was enough to get things started. They “remade” (I call it borderline theft) a song that was already a hit from another musician, stole their Girl Power attitude from the Spice Girls, shook their booties in cameras’ faces, and made it big. Anything else is just window dressing. To me, the Pussycat Dolls are the essence of everything that’s wrong with today’s image-obsessed MTV pop music culture. And right now, somewhere in the United States, a truly gifted group of singers and musicians who are only mildly attractive can’t even get a record executive to look twice at them.
4. Destroy Humanity: Pandemic Game - Honestly, I want to delete this post, because it’s the kind of post I hate – a post that just points somewhere else. People looking for the “Pandemic” game go here. And then they go to the link. Maybe I should see if I can embed the game on that post.
5. Heart Attack: Jarvik's Lipitor Ads - I still feel pretty strongly that that Lipitor ad is wrong. Using Jarvik to promote a medication when he’s not a doctor is like false advertising. I need to research and find out whatever happened to the investigation on the ethics of those ads.
6. Muscle Top: New Carrot Top - I’m glad this gets a lot of traffic, because this post is one of my favorites. It still freaks me out to see Carrot Top with muscles. The link has one of my favorite lines ever…but the website is gone! And so is the line. So I’ll re-create it.
7. The Problem With McDonald's - This post is not one of my favorites, to be honest. It ends my long-running feud with McDonald’s, but the sad part is that it’s as true four years later as it was then. And McDonald’s has become more health-conscious, but without following my advice. A lot of people stumble across the post with the keywords “Mcdonald’s problem.” Makes me wonder what problem they’re looking for.
8. Top Ten Alien Myths - Again, I don’t like my posts that just link somewhere else. But this is a good link that takes a lot of information and packs into a small space – why all the UFO enthusiasts are wrong.
9. Sexy Women vs. WNBA - Would it kill the WNBA to put their players in spandex? Seriously? Maybe loosen up the sports bras to add some jiggle? I know women are crying “sexist pig” to this post, but come on. If you’re marketing solely to women who like sports, you’ve got an inherently narrow market. If you market to guys who will watch women play sports, it gets even narrower. You got the lesbian market all sewn up already. If you get some eye candy on the court, you wouldn’t be able to sell tickets fast enough. Maybe some of those guys will actually get hooked. They come for the wiggle, but they stay for the sports. Besides, men’s football has gay and female followers who watch it for the tight pants. You don’t see the NFL putting their players in potato sacks to maintain their integrity. Or beach volleyball - very popular and very sexy.
10. Bear Riding a Unicycle: Circus vs. Wild - Still believe this. Circuses are fun, but they are not humane. Don’t say otherwise.
    

Runners-up: The following don’t fall into the top ten this month, but have in the past and deserve an honorable mention.

• A Beautiful Lie: The Truth Behind a Beautiful Mind - This is one of the blog posts that I worked hardest on, and I wish I could promote it more widely. I liked “A Beautiful Mind” and still do, but the more I saw what they changed, the more annoyed I got. Why can’t Hollywood just leave well-enough alone? Still a good movie, though.
• Flashback Friday: Herb - I like this one because it’s more informative. There’ s not a lot on the web about Herb. This is my homage.
• Every Episode of House in a Nutshell - Most of my more popular posts were written years ago. I’m glad this one is getting some traffic. I like it.