Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Mouth Bomber

Sgt. Jeffry Leon Lewis Jr., a former soldier, walked into a bank with duct tape over his mouth. When he got to the teller, he handed her a note that said he had a bomb. In his mouth. The bank called the police, who rushed in and grabbed the guy.

Here's the funniest part, to me. They used a robot to peel off the tape. Imagine that decision-making process. "Well, we got him. Go check his mouth." "Wait, I don't wanna do that. He could blow any second!" "You're right. Billy, get the robot." Thankfully, they included a picture of that scene. The guy's handcuffed to a fence, watching a robot roll up to him, stick out its arm, and rip off his tape. And of course, it can't rip it off quick, because it's a robot. It had to do it real slow, like peeling off a bandage. The guy's probably sittin' there goin', "Faster! Rip it off faster!" There's hair sticking to the tape and stuff...

Anyway, it turns out when they finally checked the guy's mouth, that he didn't have a bomb in his mouth, after all. That's gotta be one of the stupidest bank robberies ever. He's sittin' in his apartment thinking "I gotta rob a bank. But I don't have a gun or anything. I could use a bomb. But I don't have a bomb. Hey, what if I put tape over my mouth and just said I had a bomb. That would work." He could've at least pretended he had the bomb in his pocket, done that trick with his fingers pushed up against the side and stuff. That would've been easier. The whole mouth thing is something you need to back up.

And imagine being on line and the guy in front of you has tape on his mouth. Think anybody dared to ask him "Hey, buddy, why's your mouth taped shut?"

But I guess this proves there's one thing duct tape can't do, and that's rob a bank. He should've run in, stuck the tape to somebody's arm hair and yelled, "Nobody move! Or the arm hair gets it! I'll rip it off, I swear I will!"
Categories: news

3 comments:

Monkey Migraine said...

Dear Sir,

What kind of idiot hides a bomb in their mouth?

Signed,
The Shoebomber

Mauricem said...

That's hysterically stupid. He probably never counted on a robot tape remover. Good analysis too. Ha!

Monkey Migraine said...

If you look close at the picture, it looks like the robot hand is actually inside his mouth. It looks like it's fishing around in there.