Monday, October 31, 2005

Maybelline is Made Out of People

There's a truly horrifying story coming out of China. In a nutshell, a British newspaper has discovered that a popular Chinese cosmetics company is using human skin in its products. By itself, that's not as unusual as you might think. But this company is using skin from executed prisoners.

Apparently, they use collagen in makeup to smooth out wrinkles, and collagen can be found in skin. The newspaper hasn't identified the product, but did say it most likely has been shipped and offered for sale in the UK. Obviously, this is sickening. Rubbing a cream on my face, then discovering it contains ground-up skin from a Chinese political prisoner would be enough to put me in therapy. But let's put it in context.

One of the most heinous crimes Nazi Germany ever did during the Holocaust was try to profit off the execution of Jewish prisoners. They figured they had all these dead bodies lying around, why not do something useful with them? So they famously tried to make lampshades out of human skin. I thought that was as bad as it got, but the Nazis never got away with it. This makeup thing is on-going, and the Chinese refuse to admit it's even happening, let alone stop it.

Truly, evil is all around us.

P.S. The reference to Maybelline in the title was intended as parody and in no way indicates that Maybelline is, indeed, using Chinese prisoner skin. Nor is it meant to imply that Maybelline uses Vietnamese children as slave-labor in its factories. And at no time was it intended to suggest that Maybelline executives are a group of slimy, filthy, money-grubbing suits who care more about their bottom line than the welfare of their customers. Nor was it suggested that Maybelline is a cruel and diabolical company that imports cocaine into inner cities to fuel gang warfare, grinds up puppies to serve as lunchmeat in its cafeterias, and is secretly developing a mind-control formula in order to conquer the world. We are sorry if this impression has come across.
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Conversation of the Future:
JOE: Hey, Bob, what're you doin' in the makeup aisle?
BOB: Oh, I'm just trying to pick up some makeup for my wife. But it's so confusing.
JOE: Well, my wife prefers Maybelline. They only use the finest skin from executed Chinese political prisoners.
BOB: Yeah, that's what I heard, but my wife read an article on how it's wrong to use executed Chinese political prisoner skin, blah, blah, blah. This one says "Now executed Chinese political prisoner skin-free," but it costs a hundred dollars more.
JOE: Sometimes you have to pay for your principles. But you could go for Cover Girl. Theirs says "forty percent less executed Chinese political prisoner skin than the leading brand."
BOB: Maybe I will. But Mary Kay says they only make products from the skin of executed American Democrats. Ever since the Republicans took over, the prices have gone way down. Heck, they got fifteen bottles out of Michael Moore alone.

1 comment:

Monkey Migraine said...

Dear Sir,

See you in court.

Signed,
Maybelline