These Butts Are Made For Watching

Speaking of slutty Simpson, we're not too far off. Have you seen the video for These Boots Are Made For Walking? Amazing. Her butt looks good, I'll say that. It's just not the kind that fills out short-shorts. That's why I wish Jessica wouldn't pretend she didn't use a double. Your butt is good, Jessica, but not that good. You still got a nice rack, and guys still want you, so don't worry about it.

Star magazine had an exhaustive study of Jessica's butt in the latest issue, which I need to examine in greater detail. I think this is the most attention ever given to a white girl's butt. Anyway, they concluded that the only photo Jessica has that has a round butt is the Dukes of Hazzard promo photo. They decided that she used a pair of spandex shorts that can pull it up. I don't think that's true, since she could've worn it in her Boots video and didn't. I think an even more likely scenario is that the photo is touched up or doctored.

Some Christian group called the Resistance wants Simpson to re-shoot the video, on the grounds that she's a minister's daughter and shouldn't be doing that sort of thing. Earth to Resistance - she's what's known as a hypocrite. She used her Christian upbringing to further her career, and dumped it as soon as she hit the big time. Good luck getting that genie back in the bottle.

And what kind of a name is the Resistance for a Christian group? That's more like a revolutionary group plotting to overthrow the government. Resisting what? The American government? 'Cause the Christians already own that.