A plane crashed in Canada, but all three hundred passengers and crew survived with only minor injuries. Afterwards, the survivors went home to find a card on their car windshield that asked "Have you ever been sick" with the address for the Limited Edition comic book store.
The Olympics dropped softball and baseball as sports in the upcoming games.
Some have accused the Olympics of anti-Americanism, particularly because the Olympics are also banning Mom and apple pie.
After his fight, a professional boxer was discovered to be HIV-positive. The incident caused an uproar over safety standards in the boxing industry. It's okay for two men to beat each other into unconsciousness and cause serious long-term brain damage, but heaven forbid they catch AIDS.
The US women's lacrosse team caused an uproar when they wore flip-flops to a meeting with President Bush. The incident led to many questions about etiquette and formal dress in America. But an even bigger question asked was, "What's lacrosse?"
Roman Polanski won a libel suit against a tabloid that claimed he flirted with a model on the way to his wife's funeral. Polanski said the story cast him as an unloving husband. Now he'll only be thought of as a fugitive convicted pedophile.
James Doohan, the actor who played Scottie the engineer on the TV series Star Trek, died. In honor of the Scottish heritage of his character, Star Trek fans all got drunk and cheap.
Lindsay Lohan collapsed during a workout at a gym. She's expected to recover. Apparently, a piece of food got into her mouth.
NASA crashed an object into a comet to judge the effects. NASA insisted there was no danger, despite naming it Operation Deep Impact, the title of a movie about a comet crashing into Earth and destroying all life.
Studies showed that long-term use of Viagra may cause blindness, but this news did not affect sales. Apparently, old men would rather be blind and happy.
See you next Tuesday.