Sunday, August 14, 2005


So I'm at an office party...okay, it was more like a potluck lunch...okay, it was more like a potluck lunch from another team that had leftovers, and no one was around. Anyway, so I'm at the table and I see a little plastic carton labeled "grapple." It's got apple slices in it or so I thought. I read the label and it basically praises the contents, which are a combination of apples and grapes. "They're apples that taste like grapes!" Well, with a pitch like that, I had to try one. And indeed, there was truth in advertising. It was indeed an apple that tasted like a grape.

Now, I can't speak for everyone. I know that. I don't know what goes on in your mind anymore than you know what goes on in mine. But I'm willing to bet that no one out there today, let alone throughout human history, has ever been eating an apple and said to themselves, "Mmm, this sure is good. But, you know, I could go for a grape right now. But I'm already eating this apple. If only this apple could taste like a grape." Likewise, I'm doubting anyone has ever munched on a handful of grapes and said, "You know, these grapes are really good. But if only I could push these grapes together into the shape and texture of an apple, then my life would be complete." No, I'm guessing someone who wanted an apple and a grape was capable of getting both. You could even eat them both at the same time to get the full effect. And yet, here it is. Behold, the grapple.

Now I can't say for sure if genetic engineering led to this miracle, but I'm willing to bet it did. And I think this is probably right up there with the glow-in-the-dark mouse as one of the most useless creations in biotech. I literally can't understand why anyone would devote time and energy to create a grapple. It's not like it even tastes that great. It tastes exactly like a grape, except it's in the shape of an apple. Once you had one, the novelty is gone, and I can't imagine buying it again, especially since apples and grapes are cheaper than "grapples." Maybe somebody out there can explain this to me, but I am baffled and somewhat annoyed by the grapple. If this is where the grand dream of genetic engineering is leading us to, I don't want it. Now if someone could come up with a way to combine all the major fruits into a single fruit with all the vitamins and great taste, then I'm all for it. I want an apple-grape-banana-orange-cherry-strawberry. Call it a strappananagerry or something.


Monkey Migraine said...

Dear Sir,

I certainly don't think biotechnology is useless.


The Mouse with a Human Ear Growing on its Back

Mauricem said...

Wierd but funny letter. I had heard something about that, but it seemed so Terry Gilliamish.
That is so useless.
"With childhood obesity increasing at alarming rates, Grāpple™ brand apples could go a long way to improving the eating habits of children and introducing them to more produce." says Grapple. Apples are already the third most popular fruit eaten today, what's the point of making it taste like a less popular fruit?
They would have been smarter to make them taste like bananas.