Thursday, April 14, 2005

Unlike a Virgin

How far we've come...five years after Britney was wearing schoolgirl outfits and preaching abstinence before marriage, Britney's lived with a guy, gotten tattoos, started using profanity, smoking, and drinking, written a song about masturbating, gotten married twice, divorced once, and now she's pregnant.

That last one only confirms my belief about gossip, which is to consider it true until proven false. Britney's been saying for months that she's not pregnant, even while tabloids were writing stories and showing photos proving she was. Oh no, she just gained weight. She's buying maternity clothes. Oh no, she's buying them for her cousin. She's wearing a maternity dress. Oh no, she was just wearing it for a costume party. She's admitted to the hospital for a possible miscarriage. Yeah, okay, she's pregnant.

The most interesting wrinkle in this story is that her marriage to Loser McDo-Nothing, also known as Kevin Federline, is rumored to be on the rocks. They're "allegedly" sleeping in separate rooms and calling on Kabbalah priests to try to save their marriage. That leaves the possibility that Britney might end up divorced twice and a single mother before she's twenty-five. Now all she needs to do is die in a flaming car wreck caused by an overdose of drugs, and the train wreck that was the life of Britney Spears will be complete. I'll bet Behind the Music is prepping the cameras as we speak.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Sir,

Even we can't save this marriage.

Signed,
Moses, Joseph, and Abraham

Mauricem said...

I feel the same way. Shes nothing but a train wreck. This is inevitable I suppose. After the bad career advice from her producers, the record company, Madonna and her mother(?!) in the end she was left with nothing but a gaping hole for a career.
Incidentally, this totally invalidates awfulplasticsurgery.com because they've been speculating that she had another boob job.