Sunday, June 13, 2004

Olsen Twins: Barely Legal

At last, the day has arrived. D-Day of the Olsen Twins Countdown has come and they officially turn eighteen. Yesterday, I would've been arrested for saying this, but now I can say it. I think the Olsen Twins are freakin' sexy. They are the hottest kind of hot there is, that "I don't know I'm hot" hotness that Britney used to have until she went the Madonna route. And twins...say no more. So here's that Rolling Stone photo spread that we can now legally enjoy, brought to us by the same people who put Britney in hot pants before she was eighteen. That's disgusting...they should've waited until she was legal, like the rest of us. Or maybe they perform a valuable service outing unspeakable male desire.

In a serious note, I think the Olsen Twins are doomed to failure. Their current popularity comes from their preteen wholesomeness which won't translate into adulthood. As long as they have that "Full House" innocence, they'll be a punchline not taken seriously. Most likely, one or both will try to go the Dirty Girl route, which (while enjoyable) will send them down the Elizabeth Berkley path of becoming a slut (one word: "Showgirls").

Besides that, they want to be taken seriously as individuals, which can't work. They've built their entire career around being twins. It's ninety percent of their fame. They can't just flip a switch and turn that off. Either they go through every twin-movie script in Hollywood or one will inevitably become more famous than the other, which will tear them apart or they'll both fail. I'm voting for the latter myself. But who thought they could have a career beyond "Full House" in the first place? They have had incredible success so far. If they succeed, it would be a miracle. I wonder who their agent is?

Here are some good articles on this topic:
CBS News piece on how they became megastars, also asking them the "are you sexy" question
"When Aren't They Hot" - Beldarblog
Olsen Twins.org
Olsen Twins Grace Cover of Rolling Stone - Adrants
Jaboobie's Olsen Twins Countdown
Olsen Twins Coming of Age - This one makes the point that, in some states, the legal age is 16, so this is all a moot point. Fun while it lasted, though.

2 comments:

Mauricem said...

Ah, the joys of the internet.
Your comments are right on the money I think. Britney was really popular in her core market segment, when she tried to leave it she failed, so it all depends on how skilled they really are. At this point, that's hard to prove because even though their first main-stream film "New York Minute" failed miserably that doesn't mean they can't succeed...yet.
Now, the real challenge begins.

Mauricem said...

Top Ten Signs that the Olsen Twins turned 18
==
10. Mary-Kate's reserved a room at the Betty Ford Center
9. They change the name of "New York Minute" to "Twins Gone Wild"
8. The number of Olsen twin websites have dropped to 68,0000
7. Ashley changes her name to "Tha Hottie" Olsen
6. Ratings of "Full House" have shot up in the "dirty old men" bracket
5. "Teen Beat" magazine does a full issue photo spread and centerfold
4. At the party, instead of "Happy Birthday", everybody sings "The Thong Song"
3. Paparazzis can take off the 50x telephoto lens now
2. The birthday cake is filled with gin
1. Michael Jackson stops hanging around