Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Why I Hate When the Cashier Leaves Out My Candy Bar

I hate it when I buy a candy bar at the grocery store and the cashier doesn't put it in the bag with the rest of my groceries, but puts it on the counter in front of me. It's like she's saying, "I know you're such a fat pig that you can't even wait to take this out of the bag. You aren't even going to wait to get to your car, but you're gonna tear into this thing before you even take two steps away from the freaking counter. You can't wait to stuff this into your gullet, so you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna leave it right here, so the second you pay, you can just tear it open and start cramming it into your gaping maw, like an animal, not a grown man with self control. You're welcome." No, give me the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I bought it for someone else. Maybe I bought it for dessert after my balanced meal. Maybe I have the discipline to wait until I get home or to my car. Maybe I'm not the glutton you clearly think I am. But mainly I hate when they take out the candy bar, because she's absolutely right.

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1 comment:

Maurice Mitchell said...

Hilarious man. I feel the same way.