Ask-A-Ninja

I recently discovered Ask-a-Ninja. It's a videocast of a ninja answering questions. It's consistently funny and goofy. Check it out at YouTube or Ask-a-Ninja.com. Oddly enough, the official site has fewer videos than YouTube. I look forward to killing you soon!

Jokebook: Windy City

A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to an old man. The guy orders a beer and drinks it, then gets up and jumps out the window.

A few seconds later, the guy comes floating back into the bar.

The old man asks, "How'd you do that?"

The guy says "Oh, there's a draft outside the window. If you jump out, it catches you and blows you back in."

The old man says "I've gotta try that" and jumps out the window. He doesn't come back.

The guy sits down and orders another beer.

When the bartender sets the beer down in front of the guy, the bartender says, "You sure are a mean drunk, Superman."

Geektalk: The Current State of Comics

The experience of reading Knightfall also reminded me how out-of-touch I am with comics these days. Would you believe it came out in 1993, almost thirteen years ago? And I was falling out of synch with comics even back then. As for everything else, I was lost. I walked into the comic shop and realized I had to buy graphic novels to catch up quickly, but I didn't even know where to begin. When did Iron Man become an alcoholic again? A year ago? When did Green Lantern turn evil? Four years ago? When did the Hulk end up on the run again? Eight years ago? How many graphic novels would I need to buy just to understand the issue on the shelf right now? When I looked at it that way, there was no point. I wanted to read the latest issue of Spiderman, Fantastic Four, Hulk, and the Flash - all my favorites - but I realized I wouldn't understand them. I would have to read ten years worth of comics before I could enjoy the latest issue.
Categories: entertainment

Related:
My Review of Knightfall
Batman Vs Osama: Holy Terror

My Humps Sucks

To me, the song My Humps represents everything that's wrong with urban music. Let's start with the chorus. To refer to body parts on a woman as "lady lumps?" If that chorus had been sung by a man, he would have been accused of the lowest form of misogyny. Then there's the fact that she's bragging about how she can get things from men without giving anything in return, just by moving her "humps." Too many R&B songs by women are about that. Isn't that exactly what Kanye West immortalized in Gold Digger? But don't take my word for it. Slate agrees.
Categories: entertainment

The 11th Dimension: Extradimensional Theory

I won't pretend to understand this story, but it's fascinating to read nonetheless - the fact that the universe doesn't make sense with only four dimensions. Gravity, time, space, all of them point to other dimensions beyond what we can see and experience. I personally am a big fan of interdimensional mumbo-jumbo, the kind of stuff that blows your mind. So this article at MSN is right up my alley. May have to read it a few times to understand it, though.
Categories: science

News Nuggets

INTERNATIONAL
The United States continued to clash with the international community over how to deal with Iran's nuclear weapons ambitions. Some say that a military option should be employed. Others say that a diplomatic solution would be best. Others believe that economic sanctions should be employed. Still others believe that the new X-Men movie rocks.

U.S.
The president announced a new treasury secretary, Henry Paulson, to replace the former treasury secretary, Tony Snow. In response to the new appointment, the American people were quoted as saying "What's a treasury secretary?"

SPORTS
Jason Grimsley was released from the Diamondbacks after the federal government raided his house in a steroid investigation. The Diamondbacks confirmed that it was Grimsley who requested to be released, and the team oblidged, adding that they hoped the door didn't hit him on the way out.

The Diamondbacks also made history when they released Russ Ortiz in the middle of his contract. The team will owe Ortiz twenty-two million dollars making this the most expensive buyout in major league baseball history. Sources inside the team blame the disastrous decision on the fact that their general manager is on steroids.

ENTERTAINMENT
The new movie The Da Vinci Code was released to strong ticket sales. The movie involves a mystery behind a museum curator's death that unfolds a conspiracy behind Jesus Christ's death. The biggest mystery? How anyone could stay awake during the movie.

The Omen was released on the sixth day of the sixth month of the sixth year of the new century. The movie opened to big box office, right up until every theater showing the movie was struck by lightning.

New Yuk Times Update

The latest updates from The New Yuk Times:

• Local Man Says World-Famous Millionaire Just A Regular Guy
• Study Shows Most Americans Can't Find A Map

Joketime: The Perfect World

"Heaven is where the police are English, the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by the Swiss. Hell is where the police are German, the cooks are English, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Italians."

Caption This: Emperor Squirrelpatine

This is what I thought of when I saw that picture...

Virtual Psycho: Schizophrenia Simulation

In order to help friends and family understand mental illness better, a drug manufacturer created a multimedia presentation that simulates what it's like to have schizophrenia. NPR has a slideshow with sound and graphics from the presentation. Be warned...it's truly disturbing, if not terrifying. After viewing it, I think we all come to a better understanding of the horrors of mental illness.
Categories: science

Adwatch: Nike' Likes Big Butts

Nike has created a new ad campaign which praises big butts and thighs. It's supposed to show that there are a wide variety of body types, not just the lean stereotypes in commercials. You can view the ad at Adrants. To me, this ad is quite clearly aimed at black women. I've never heard a white woman say these things, but have heard plenty of black women say them. Oddly enough, even this commercial is controversial on both sides. Some people say it's offensive to portray an unhealthy lifestyle as positive, but others say it doesn't go far enough because it portrays an athletic big butt, not a regular big butt. Boy, those big-butted women are never satisfied.

UPDATE: I've added the actual ad to this blog post, in case Adrants takes it down.

Related Posts
Booty Double: Jessica Simpson's Body Double
Modern Booty Technology: Beyonce's Wax Double
J-Low: The Fall of Jennifer Lopez

Don't Go Cheap On...

Since going broke a few years ago, I've discovered there are some things you just can't buy on the cheap. You just have to pay full price.

1. Toilet paper - Use your imagination. It's the difference between touching a feather and sandpaper.

2. Spam - I think Spam is actually pretty good. Imitation Spam is what people think of when they think of Spam; ugly meat with an unfamiliar and creepy taste. As bad as you think real spam might taste, imitation spam tastes worse.

3. Pop-Tarts - There are imitation Pop-Tarts that are okay, but the kind they sell at 99-cent stores are downright nasty.

4. Pens - Even if you do manage to find that pack of two hundred pens for ninety-nine cents, one hundred and ninety-nine of them will run out of ink and stop working within ten seconds.

This list could be longer, but I'm tired.

Caption This: Squirrel Fight

It's Not Brad's Baby: Shiloh Jolie-Pitt

I was flipping through the tabloids and the National Enquirer's claiming that Angelina's baby isn't Brad Pitt's. The headline was "It's NOT Brad's Baby!" and took up half the page. Turns out she was involved with her ex-husband at the time, and an "insider" claims that Angelina did the math and thinks she might have gotten pregnant with him. If I were Brad Pitt, I'd do a paternity test. Now I really hate Angelina Jolie. What a ho. She's got the most desirable man in the world (according to some people) in the bag, and that's not enough - she's gotta sleep with some other guy. I don't really like Jennifer Aniston, but now I hope the two of them get back together, just to spite Angelina. The same article said that Angelina is trying to convince Brad to live outside the US because she's afraid he'll go back to Jennifer and wants to keep the two of them apart. Whoof, what a complicated love triangle this turned out to be. It would make a great soap opera.
Categories: entertainment

Related:
E! Network Plans All Brad and Angelina Channel

Jason the Rat: Jason Grimsley's Drug Bust

The big story in sports these days is Jason Grimsley, a Diamondbacks pitcher who was raided for using human growth hormone, steroids, and amphetamines. According to reports, he was caught receiving a shipment of the drugs and not only confessed, but gave up the names of ten other baseball players who he says he gave drugs to. I find it interesting to compare the reaction to him to Barry Bonds. Surprisingly, people seem to be more upset about him squealing on other teammates than the fact that he cheated. They call him a rat and say he should honor the code of the clubhouse, not give other names. I find this perspective amazing. Look, he's a cheater and a drug trafficker. They talk like he has some sort of integrity to hold true to. The fact that he's a snitch is the least unpleasant thing about him. At least that has some defense - he was trying to protect his family and so forth. There's no defense for dishonoring the integrity of the game, and getting an unfair advantage over other players. And let's face it, we all want to know the names of the players who are using drugs in the major leagues. Who cares how we get them?
Categories: sports

News Nuggets

INTERNATIONAL

Australians held a contest to find the country's ugliest sheep. The winner will be flown to the United States to become the new First Lady of Arkansas.

The president of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez, applauded high oil prices and called on OPEC to cut production to raise prices even higher. The rest of the world called on Hugo Chavez to be beaten to death with fuel pump hoses.

The United States managed to assassinate the number one al-Qaeda operative in Iraq, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. Osama bin Laden was quoted as saying, "Glad they spent all that time looking for him instead of me."

U.S.
A new survey of college students found that iPods are more popular than beer. But the results have been questioned because the students taking the survey were drunk.

Fox crowned the nation's new American Idol, Taylor Hicks. At the same time, they crowned the nation's ugliest pop singer.

ENTERTAINMENT
Brad and Angelina had their baby this week. The baby has already been named as People's Most Beautiful Person for 2007.

Brad and Angelina sold their baby's first photos to People Magazine for 4.5 million dollars. They've already announced what they plan to do with it - pay for Angelina Jolie's yearly supply of lip balm.

In her divorce papers, Denise Richards accused her ex-husband Charlie Sheen of looking at a gay porn website. In response, the website's legal department released a statement that reads, "We prefer the term 'adult entertainment' to describe Mister Cruise's website."

Fox announced that it's planning a big-screen version of the hit TV series 24. There have been concerns about the success of the movie, since it'll be twenty-four hours long. Fox suggests packing a lunch.

SPORTS
Professional racing horse Barbaro broke its leg in the second race towards a Triple Crown win. Many fans worried about whether the horse would be shot, like other popular horses such as Horatio Nelson, Charismatic, and conservative commentator Ann Coulter.

The NHL playoffs went into full swing. And nobody cares.

See you next Tuesday.

Flashback Friday: Photon

It's hard to believe, but there was once a time when laser tag was a bold and futuristic idea. In the eighties, there were two competing systems - Photon and Laser Tag. The fact that the game of shooting your friends with lasers is now known universally as Laser Tag shows who won. Both of them made TV shows, and just like the games, one was better than the other.

Photon was about a modern-day (well, eighties, anyway) teenager Bhodi Lee who was secretly a member of an intergalactic police force. When he was summoned, he would go off on adventures to faraway planets to do battle with an elite team of aliens. They filmed some segments in blue-screen with alien planets projected onto the backgrounds. This idea was horrible. It gave the show a look that screamed "fake."

Fun Facts:
* The show was Japanese dubbed into English. Amazingly enough, I never noticed this when I was a kid. Shows how long ago it was.
* Every episode, the good and evil teams would race to charge a crystal with good energy or evil energy.
* The aliens were truly freaky. No bumpy foreheads on this show. One of Bhodi's partners wore a miner's helmet.

Links
X-Entertainment Episode Review
Vikki's Photon Page
Internet Movie Database
Chilandra's Photon Links

The McDonald's Employee Simulator

We all know that working at McDonald's is a glamorous job, but few people get to experience it in life. Until now. Artist Garnet Hertz has created the McDonald's Employee Simulator, a shockingly intricate and engaging website that accurately simulates what it's like to work at the Big Mac counter in a real McDonald's restaurant. If you can't work at McDonald's in real-life, this is the next best thing.
Categories: random-lynx

Dead Links: Free thriller novel ebook

It has begun...check out this free ebook, a thriller novel called Dead Links about the Internet, addiction, and mind control. Here's the summary:

A popular psychologist is shot to death by a jealous husband. A millionaire dives into a bonfire of his own creation. A woman starves to death in front of her computer next to a kitchen full of food.

The owners of popular websites are dying, and freelance journalist Amanda Katt wants to know why. Could it have something to do with Arachne, one of the most popular sites on the Internet? When Amanda Katt sets out to answer that question, she gets more than just another story. Someone has found a way to make a website more addictive than any drug. It will make people go anywhere, do anything, and kill anyone to protect it. As Amanda races to unravel the mystery of Arachne's power, she finds herself plunged into a world of death and deception. She soon discovers that Arachne is everywhere and so are its followers, and that she's the only one who can stop it before it's too late.

Check it out at Nigelgmitchell.bravehost.com

Better Late Than Never: My Review of Knightfall

Knightfall is an amazing story. It's almost painful to read, so hard to see Batman weak and suffering like that. And knowing that in the end, he'll fail makes it worse. But it was cool seeing all Batman's old favorites in one story, especially with the looming menace of Bane. They actually spent more time on the peripheral villains like Firefly and the Ventriloquist than I thought. I guess because those villains haven't been done to death. I read an article that suggested Knightfall was a
more subtle version of the marketing ploy of killing Superman. Batman was killed psychologically and reborn. I want to read the next two volumes in the series.

Ex Gets Exed From X: Serena Williams

I thought X3 was a good movie, way better than I thought it would be. But I remember being worried because I had heard Serena Williams was up for a role as a bisexual prostitute who uses pheremones to seduce her enemies. After I saw the movie, I was like "Where was she?" Turns out that role never got off the ground - the idea ended about the same time the director Brett Ratner broke up with her. Turns out the only reason that idea ever materialized is because Ratner was dating Serena Williams at the time. That's a relief.

Related:
Top Five Reasons I'm Worried About X-Men 3

Categories: entertainment

So You Think You Can Make A Hit Dance Show

They're trying to create a new American Idol with So You Think You Can Dance. Singing competition, dancing competition - two sides of the same coin, right? Here's the problem. When you win a singing competition, that opens a lotta doors. You release a record, it becomes a hit, you make another hit record, maybe parlay that into a movie or TV career. There's no brass ring for dancing. What do you do, become a back-up dancer for Britney Spears? Show up in a music video for Jay-Z? With American Idol, you have the dream of going from a nobody to a household name. Doesn't work that way for dancing. How many people even know who won last year's competition? And that name's too long, doesn't roll off the tongue. Why didn't they call it American Dancer or something like that?
Categories: entertainment

New Coke 2007: The Healthier Lays Potato Chip

Frito-Lay's has shocked the snack industry by announcing that next year it's going to change the formula of its most successful product - the Lay's potato chip. It's going to start frying their chips in sunflower oil instead of cottonseed oil. Sounds like a small change, but it will reduce the fat content from 3 grams to 1 gram per serving. That will eliminate sixty million pounds of saturated fat from the diets of its consumers. Of course, this is great news for health advocates, but not so much for fans of the chips - like my wife. I applaud the move, but have to wonder about the taste. Is this a new age of health or the New Coke of the 21st century?
Categories: food