Tuesday, November 08, 2005

E! Network Plans All Brad and Angelina Channel (Fake)




E!Entertainment Television announced plans to start a twenty-four hour news network called the Brad-Jelina News Network, devoted entirely to the love triangle between Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, and Jennifer Aniston.

During the press conference, E! Entertainment spokesman Gary Nelson said, “We've spent so much time devoted to this topic that we found we were running out of space. It seems like every tabloid has Brad, Angelina, and Jennifer on the cover every week with new twists and turns. Our audience seems to have an insatiable desire for information on these two. We literally can’t cover it enough, so we’ve decided to deliver the goods.”

The Brad-Jelina News Network will premiere later this month, hosted by Joan Rivers and Ted Casablanca. Programming will include:

* Family Ties – A show about Angelina Jolie’s children and how Brad Pitt is caring for them. There will also be a segment on whether Brad wants to start a family, and if Angelina Jolie is pregnant with his child.

* It’s Official – A daily news show that reviews photos, film clips, interviews, and press appearances dedicated to proving, once and for all, that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are romantically involved.

* That Slutty Whore – a roundtable discussion about what a scheming whore Angelina Jolie is to steal Brad Pitt from Aniston, and tips on how women can imitate her success with the men in their own lives.

* JenWatch – A round-the-clock program that will monitor Jennifer Aniston’s mental and physical health in coping with the loss of Brad Pitt.

When asked about the new channel, Pitt and Jolie’s press agents released statements insisting that they are not dating, and Aniston’s friends reported that she is grief-stricken but remains strong.

4 comments:

Mauricem said...

The funniest part of this is how close it is to the real thing. Every tabloid has a bunch of articles aboout the breakup. WHy do people care so much!

Monkey Migraine said...

I dunno...what I find most amazing is that they manage to find something new every week.

Candice Gilmer said...

My theory is its all fake, all promotional stuff... Did you happen to notice that Aniston is now "conviently" dating Vince Vaugn now that she has a new movie coming out?

(I swear I don't suscribe to conspiracy theories, but in the world of Hollywood, I think they're alive and well)

Monkey Migraine said...

I agree, as well as the theory that Aniston is desperate to show she's "moved on." And I also think actors have a problem distinguishing fictional romance from real romance. Someone needs to explain to them how to pretend to be in love with someone without actually falling in love.