What's up with bagels these days? My company offers free bagels on Fridays, and invariably I have to go on the hunt through the box for the elusive plain bagel. That's all I eat - plain bagels. I like bagels. Don't get me wrong. That's why I won't eat bagels with any other crap in them. And what psychotic chef is coming up with this stuff? Even if I do get one that I think is plain, I'm still nervous. Are those seeds or flecks of cheese? Are those raisins, chocolate chips, or jalapeno peppers? Is it going to taste like onions? I'm afraid to bite into a bagel these days. I've tried going through the bagels and sniffing them, one by one, but people tend to be shy about eating bagels that've been up against my nose. So I just have to pick one and take my chances. This morning I bit into a bagel with powdered sugar and cinnamon on it. That's just disgusting. If I wanted brown sugar and cinnamon, I'd eat a cinnamon bun. If I wanted jalapeno peppers, I'd eat a burrito. I just want a plain bagel with plain cream cheese. And don't get me started on cream cheese.
Originally written 9/2/05