Tuesday, June 21, 2005

News Nuggets

Tom Cruise proposed to Katie Holmes on the Eiffel Tower. Instead of an engagement ring, Cruise gave her a Tickle-Me Elmo doll, then took Holmes home so she could meet her curfew. Some pundits have found Cruise's unusually public romance to Holmes a little queer.

Two America West pilots were convicted of attempting to fly drunk. The two pilots were denied bail, because they are considered a flight risk.

Terri Schiavo's autopsy showed that before her death, she suffered extensive brain damage and was blind. These results were not unexpected. The first clue came when Schiavo was seen enjoying episodes of "Britney and Kevin: Chaotic."

The trial of Michael Jackson ended with a "not guilty" verdict on all charges. When asked what he would do next, Jackson said, "I'm going to Disneyland."

A hundred-and-five year-old man died days after his eightieth wedding anniversary. The man's final statement was "Finally."

The search continues for a missing high school honor student in Aruba. A videocamera caught footage of her getting into a car with a group of strange men right before she disappeared. Many were shocked that a drunken blonde would do something so stupid.

A constitution for the European Union was rejected by the French public. One concern was the clause requiring France to contribute soldiers to an EU army. French president Jacques Chirac said, "Couldn't we just surrender now and get it over with?"

A young boy died after visiting a ride at Epcot Center. The boy's death has raised concerns that the ride is too dangerous, which has drawn attention to the Sulphuric Acid Teacups, the Buzzsaw Ride, and California Killer Bee Adventure rides.

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger's popularity has been plummeting in recent polls. Gary Coleman issued a statement saying, "I'm looking pretty good now, aren't I?"

A new leaner, more athletic Ronald McDonald was launched by McDonald's in a new ad campaign. When children asked what happened to the old Ronald McDonald, the company said he died of a massive heart attack.


glomgold said...

Haha! These news nuggets of yours crack me up.

Mauricem said...

Man these just keep getting better!