Monday, April 27, 2009

Movie Rules: Going Nuclear

Movie Rule #245: Nuclear bombs fix everything

Examples: The Core, Armageddon

You ever notice how, in movies, nuclear bombs are the solution to every disaster? There’s an asteroid heading towards Earth? Throw a nuclear bomb on it. The Earth’s core stopped spinning? Stick a nuclear bomb in it. Aliens invading Earth? Fire a nuclear bomb at them. Somehow, a well-placed nuclear bomb will cure whatever ails you.

If only that were the case in real life. If life were a movie, we could solve all our problems. Hole in the ozone layer? A nuclear bomb throws up enough dirt to plug the hole. Rainforest disappearing? A nuclear bomb spreads seeds and puts nutrients back into the soil so the trees grow back. Species going extinct? A nuclear bomb will cause more of them to spontaneously appear.

Imagine if the movies were like our world. A scientist tells government officials, “Gentlemen, a meteor is headed towards Earth that will destroy us all. We must act quickly. Set up an international conference to discuss the situation. Once the presentation has been made, we'll need to pass a resolution to create an international task force to come up with possible solutions. Then the United Nations will need to approve an international treaty to provide funding and manpower to implement the solution. Of course, the United States won’t agree to it, but maybe we can get them to agree to a similar resolution. Our hope is that we'll be able to put a project into place to stop the meteor in roughly ten years. What? No, actually, the meteor is scheduled to hit tomorrow. We're all doomed.” I’d like to see that.

Movie Rules: Speaking in Tongues
Movie Rules: Men and Diapers
Movie Rules: Mob Rule


Mauricem said...

There was a movie on the sci-fi channel where the earth was going to be destroyed by solar flares igniting the upper atmosphere. Amazingly enough the solution was to fire nuclear bombs in the north pole to launch enough water and cold air into the atmosphere to put out the flames around the worked.

Monkey Migraine said...

That's hysterical. So the solution to a solar flare is more fire. It really is the lazy writer's method solving any disaster.