The Rose Zone: The Red Zone for Women

SNL created this perfect parody of the Red Zone. My wife would totally watch this.

"Call Me Maybe" on Chatroulette

MemeWatch: What the Fox Says

Have you heard the phrase "what the fox says" and didn't know what it meant? Want to be ahead of the curve on what the young people are doing? Then let's learn together with MemeWatch. Today's lesson is on "What the Fox Says."

You've probably heard about the phrase "what the fox says." It's from this music video: "The Fox," more popularly known as "What Does the Fox Say."



Trivia: The video wasn't actually intended to be a real song. Ylvis is a Norwegian comedy duo with a TV show, and "The Fox" was just intended to be a commercial for the new season of their show. "The Fox" is meant to be a parody of pretentious pop music with an intentionally silly and stupid premise. As one member of Ylvis said, it was just supposed to amuse Norway for a few minutes. In the process, they accidentally created a genuinely good song. No one is more surprised than Ylvis that "The Fox" has taken off.

I Don't Have Time To Work Out...

Jim Gaffigan hit the nail on the head...

What English Sounds Like to Non English Speakers

This short film "Skwirl" is a trip. It has a couple talking to each other in what sounds like English, even to English speakers, but it's only when you listen closely that you figure out it's complete gibberish. Kind of like what Russian and Japanese sound like to me.

The Worst Martial Arts Demonstration Ever

We've all seen those demonstrations of kung fu warriors breaking boards with their fists or feet. Turns out it's harder than it looks. This just gets funnier every time I watch it.

It's Finally Ironic

Someone finally fixed Alanis Morrisette's song. It always bugged me.

"Duck and Cover" Gets MST3K'd

Those old duck-and-cover videos are available on line, and I thought they were begging for the MST3K treatment. That's why I created Skeevy-D Commentary for them. Here are parts one and two

When School Kids Name Animals

This is what happens when you let primary school kids vote on an animal's name...

Brought to you by the Havenview Primary School in Tazmania

[Via Reddit]

If Law Enforcement Treated Car Theft Like Identity Theft

Recently, we became aware of the frustrating response law enforcement gives to identity theft. It made me wonder what would happen if the police treated other crimes the way they treated identity theft. I think it would go something...like this.

POLICE: 911, what is your emergency?
VICTIM: My car! Someone just stole my car! I had my wife and kids in the car, and some guy just ran up with a gun and forced us all out and stole my car!
POLICE: All right, calm down.
VICTIM: But he's got my car! I can see him driving away!
POLICE: It's okay. We see this a lot these days. Frankly, you shouldn't have been driving around in public with your car. That's just asking for somebody to steal it. What you should do is keep your car in your garage so no one takes it.
VICTIM: But-but I need to drive my car around! That's why I have a car! Anyway, forget how it happened! The guy's turning the corner! I need someone out here! He's driving west on Elm Street--
POLICE: Okay, sir, please calm down. Here's what you need to do. I'm going to give you a website. It has a live feed of street cameras. What you need to do is watch those feeds until you spot your car. Then you can find out where the car thief is going, and tell whoever is at that location when he gets there not to let him park his car there. Then when he goes somewhere else, do the same thing--
VICTIM: What? Wait a minute, you mean I have to find this guy? Why can't you do it? You're the police.
POLICE: Securing your car is your responsibility, sir, not mine. We don't have the manpower to track down every stolen car.
VICTIM: But I can't spend the rest of my life watching a computer for my car!
POLICE: Well, there are many companies that will monitor the streets and notify you when they spot your car. The point is, you'll need to find wherever the thief tries to park your car and get the parking lot to deny him access. That way, you won't get any tickets or parking fees that he might get you charged with.
VICTIM: But he'll still have my car!
POLICE: Well, I mean, the reality is that he has your car. There's not much we can do about that. You just need to minimize the damage. If you want your car back, here's what you need to do. Go find a flashlight and start going around, inspecting every car. When you find your car, let us know, and we'll arrest the driver. If we can get there in time. Good luck!

Reality vs. Fantasy in "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood"

When I was a kid, I used to watch Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. I used to wonder why he would talk about the Neighborhood of Make Believe where he would have his puppets and the trolley. Why not just have the puppets and trolley, instead of making a big deal about how he used his imagination to do it? No other show did.

Now I have toddlers, and they watch shows like "Lunar Jim" and "Dora the Explorer," and are always asking, "Is that real?" "Is this real?" And I have to explain what is real (yes, porcupines are real), and what's not (no, people can't breathe on the Moon).

I realized that Mister Rogers knew that children struggled to understand the difference between fantasy and reality, and that TV shows could blur the line. That's why, on his show, he always made it clear what was make-believe and what was real.

Thank you, Mister Rogers.

The Best Marriage Proposal Ever [Video]

Seriously...if I saw this in a romantic comedy, I would have thought it was too over-the-top.

  

News Nuggets 2/25/2013

Seth MacFarlane hosted the Academy Awards. Some in the audience were put off by the fact that he performed most of the show dressed as Matt Groening, and kept interrupting the show with random skits from Saturday Night Live.

Former Surgeon General C. Everett Koop died at 96. Shortly afterward, President Obama announced his promotion to Undertaker General.

Secretary of State John Kerry defends liberties, saying Americans have a "right to be stupid." The American people would have responded with outrage, but were too busy watching American Idol.

HP sold its webOS operating system to LG Electronics. Many consumers responded with, "What's webOS?"

See you next Tuesday.

If You Fold a Five-Dollar Bill Right, You Get Pancakes [Image]

Sports Illustrated Almost Killed Kate Upton

I enjoy Sports Illustrated swimsuit issues. I have no problem with women in skimpy outfits. But this time, Sports Illustrated has gone too far. They had the bright idea of taking pictures of the girls in every continent, and one of those continents happened to be Antarctica. How do you take swimsuit photos in Antarctica? There were ways to do it - use a backdrop of Antarctica or use a more substantial swimsuit or have the girl in a swimsuit and a parka over it. Or at least, have a heater off-camera to keep the girl warm. I mean, surely you wouldn't put a girl out in the ice and snow with nothing but a skimpy bikini? Or even put her out there topless? I mean, people die in those sub-zero temperatures all the time.

Well, that's exactly what they did to Kate Upton for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit 2013 issue. Kate Upton has described how they would put her out there and she almost died. For real. She lost her vision and hearing, which is the first stage of hypothermia. All so we could get some nice pictures of her. As much as I enjoy the photos, it's not worth it. It really makes me wonder what kind of safety protocols they had for her or if this was just a stupid idea that no one had the guts to shoot down or think of the consequences.

Of course, the counter-argument is that she didn't have to do it. It's not like she was a prisoner. She could have just said "no." But we all know the pressure she's under. I mean, Sports Illustrated made her career. If she turned them down, she probably would never do SI again. And maybe she gets a reputation of being difficult. She also probably figured they would have ways to protect her, which they apparently didn't have. Also, she's only 20 years old. The point is, while Kate has a lot of responsibility for this, it's all SI to blame.

Happy Demolition Day 2013!

Happy Demolition Day! BOOM!

If you're not a follower, then here's the deal on Demolition Day. In the aftermath of Valentine's Day 2007, I proposed a new holiday for men only. February 22 became Demolition Day, a day that celebrates destruction. What do you do on Demolition Day?

1) When you greet someone, instead of saying "Hello," yell "Boom!" To get the full effect, lunge at them and throw up your hands.

2) Throw a party with the traditional Demolition Day meal of beer and pizza while you watch action movies where stuff blows up. Any Rambo or Terminator movie will do.

3) Build a gingerbread house and decorate it all fancy and beautiful. Then at midnight, you and all your friends smash it to pieces with sticks or bare hands. If you really want to get fancy, use a bomb.

4) This would only happen if Demolition Day took off...but wouldn't it be great if there was a building somewhere that needs to be demolished, and they broadcast the demolition live on Demolition Day? And we all counted down like on New Years' Eve and the detonation occurred at midnight? And what if there were four or five buildings being demolished at the same time all around the world at midnight, and they showed them all simultaneously, picture-in-picture? Awesome.

So join me in celebrating Demolition Day on February 22. And tell your friends. Boom!

Alicia Keys Sings the Theme Song For "Gummi Bears"

I always thought this show was underrated...finally, it gets its due.

[Via MTV]

Monkey Migraine is Dead, Long Live Nigel G. Mitchell

Last week, when I replaced my profile picture on Blogger and Disqus with my profile photo, it was kind of emotional for me. In doing so, I erased the last vestiges of my alternate persona, Monkey Migraine. I feel like I need to memorialize him.

Monkey Migraine started out back in the days when anonymity was the watchword online. I wanted to start blogging, but I didn't want to use my real name. I was sitting around trying to think of a name, and "monkey migraine" popped into my head. I'll be honest...I don't know where it came from or why I liked it so much. Maybe because my mother had crippling migraines for most of her life. I also liked the alliteration: "monkey migraine" seemed to have an odd symmetry. Also, I hate monkeys...for real. So the idea of a monkey in pain pleased me. I also imagined the logo, a monkey with little lightning bolts. And so, Monkey Migraine was born.

Over time, Monkey Migraine became more than just a user name. It became a personality. I found myself writing as "him"; wild, crazy, off-beat, obsessive, and goofy. If you look back at my early blog posts, you'll see what I mean.

But when I started writing for Geek Twins, my brother encouraged me to use my real name. I resisted it for years, but at the same time, I could see how Maurice's name seemed to make him more accessible. Also, it became harder and harder to interact with people in things like Disqus with the nickname and monkey logo. It's just not a name to be taken seriously. More importantly, I feel like anonymity is no longer the watchword on the Internet. With Facebook and other social media, being yourself is the norm.

The turning point came when I decided to self-publish my novel, Dead Links. I never even considered putting "Monkey Migraine" as the author of my novel, and it got confusing and silly to be talking about the book which clearly has my name on it while under the name "Monkey Migraine." I couldn't pretend to be someone else while promoting a book as Nigel G. Mitchell. It just all became counter-productive.

And so, by removing my Monkey Migraine logo, you can see the real me. You'll probably notice a resemblance to my brother Maurice.

Monkey Migraine Mountain will still be the place I put my more personal and bizarre stuff, but I'll be creating a new blog. We have a lot of writers who visit Geek Twins, and Maurice has been encouraging me to become a part of the online writing community. That's why my new blog is "Nigel G. Mitchell-Author, Blogger, Geek." You can follow my new blog at: http://nigelgmitchell.blogspot.com/. Hope to see you there.

I have to admit that I'll miss Monkey Migraine. But I don't think he'll miss me.

Six Sentence Sunday: "Dead Links"

I'm joining the Six Sentence Sunday movement with this excerpt from my technothriller, Dead Links. If you're not familiar with it, the idea is to post six sentences from a work in progress or published novel.

The waiter's gun poured bullets into the cushions of the booth. Tufts of foam burst out of the holes to dance in the air like snow. The chatter of the Spectre ignited screams all through the restaurant, as well as the thunder of chairs toppling over and footsteps pounding from others trying to escape.

Amanda ran along the wall of booths, zigzagging to keep from giving their attacker a clear shot. A framed lithograph of an ocean scene shattered as bullets traced a ragged line across it. Glass rained down onto a screaming man sitting at the table.

If you'd like to read the rest of it, you can get the full novel at the Amazon Kindle Store.

Machine of Death: 'Alien Abduction' [Story]

The following short story was written for the second volume of the sci-fi anthology, Machine of Death: A Collection of Stories About People Who Know How They Will Die. The story was rejected, so I'm presenting it here for free. If you're not familiar with it, Machine of Death is a collection of short stories about a machine that takes a drop of blood, and prints out a card with a phrase that tells you exactly how you will die. It doesn't say where or when, and sometimes the card is so vague that you don't even know what it means, but it's never wrong. The title of every story is taken from a machine of death card. So here's my take on it:

UPDATE: I've moved this story to my new writing-only blog. You can read it here.

TwitWars: Steve Martin vs. Gweneth Paltrow [Pics]

Steve Martin wins. He's still got it.

 Posted by Gweneth Paltrow on 2/29/12 at 1:43 PM 

Posted by Steve Martin at 2/29/12 at 1:46 PM

[Via Crushable]