Friday, November 09, 2007

The Dance Re-Mix: How To Ruin A Good Song

1. Find a pleasant, mellow, soothing song with a gentle voice and a tender theme.
2. Speed the song up twice as fast.
3. Add a loud, thumping, and annoying backbeat
4. Find the hip-hop singer whose song is popular that week.
5. Add him yellng "Re-Miiiiixxx" for ten seconds at the beginning like a Mexican soccer announcer calling a goal.
6. Have him record a fifteen-second monologue that has nothing to do with the original theme of the song. Make sure he includes the word "booty."
7. Record him saying "yeah" and "uh-huh," and sprinkle at random throughout the song.
8. Distribute the re-mix to radio stations and dance clubs.
9. Make sure that radio stations never play the original song again.


Mauricem said...

True. Sometimes they're good, but most are just lame.

Monkey Migraine said...

This was particularly inspired by the re-mix for Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry." That sucks so bad they could use it for a vacuum.

Mauricem said...

Unfortunately for us it wasn't a remake. She co-wrote the song. Wikipedia had this to say:
*Song controversy*

After "Big Girls Don't Cry" was written, Fergie and her management felt that the song did not fit the theme of her album and decided not to record it. However, her management felt that the song was too strong to let go, so they decided to shop the song around to different record labels. Eventually, the song was sold to Bad Boy Records where it was handed to Jordan McCoy. McCoy's team felt they had a huge hit on their hands and quickly recorded the song, assuring Fergie and her management that they were going to release it as a single.
However, according to McCoy, after Fergie heard their finished version, she had a change of heart and recorded the song as well. Without the knowledge of Bad Boy Records, Fergie went ahead and tagged it on to her album at the last minute. Jordan and her team were upset by Fergie's decision, and scrapped the entire project and considered suing Fergie. However, because Fergie co-wrote the song, she had partial ownership and they could not sue her.