Fun With Photos: Mel Gibson Movies

I'd like to give credit for this idea to another blog which added funny captions to Mel Gibson stills. Unfortunately, I can't find it. So if you know who it was, let me know. And everyone else, be aware this is not my idea.

Jokebook: Plenty More

A Cuban, a Russian, a white American, and an Apache Indian are sitting on a train.

The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar and throws it out the window, saying "There's plenty more of those where I come from."

The Russian takes a sip of his vodka and throws the rest of the bottle out the window, saying "There's plenty more of that where I come from."

So the Apache Indian gets up and throws the white American out the window.

Related:
Jokebook: Seeing Eye
Jokebook: Drinking Contest
Jokebook: Estrogen in Beer

Smudgegate: Kenny Rogers and Pine Tar

Okay, let's get this whole controversy with Kenny Rogers over with. Did pitcher Kenny Rogers have pine tar on his pitching hand in game 2 of the World Series? He says it was dirt. I don't believe that for a minute. First of all, if it was dirt which isn't illegal, why did the coaches need to ask him to wash it off? And if it was dirt, why did he need to wash it off instead of just rubbing it off? And if it was dirt, why did he have an identical patch of "dirt" in the same exact spot on his hand earlier in the season? The list goes on and on. But I don't need to answer that, because I'm not an expert on baseball and cheating. Sports Illustrated talked to someone who is, a bullpen coach, who broke down why it was pine tar, why Rogers used pine tar, and why the pitchers on both teams are probably using pine tar.

Phantom Menace 2.0

We all know that Phantom Menace sucked. The question is, could I have done any better? It started as a simple mental exercise - come up with a new story treatment that a) does the basic job of introducing the Star Wars trilogy, b) fits into the later movies, c) retains all the good stuff of Phantom Menace like the pod race and Darth Maul, and d) takes out all the crap. Here's the result: I call it Star Wars Episode One: Phantom Menace 2.0.

The movie begins with Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn congratulates his apprentice Obi-Wan Kenobi for completing his training to become a Padawan. On Obi-Wan's first assignment, he is sent by the Jedi Council to the planet of Naboo, a powerful member of the Republic, to monitor the election of Queen Amidala. But on Naboo, the first signs of the separatist moment take shape as the newly-elected Queen Amidala is overthrown by a violent military coup. The coup is led by a mysterious alien named Admiral Syn who kidnaps Queen Amidala and takes her into orbit on Tatooine. He plans to secede Naboo from the Republic, aided by the robotic Trade Federation in exchange for shipping rights.

At first, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon are advised by the Jedi Council not to interfere. But Naboo's Senator Palpatine begs them to rescue Queen Amidala, warning them that Admiral Syn is really a Sith lord named Darth Maul. The Jedi Council agrees to sneak aboard Admiral Syn's ship to rescue Queen Amidala. There, they discover a young man named Anakin Skywalker, a slave who knows nothing of life beyond toiling in the bowels of Syn's ship. Qui-Gon notices the power of the Force in young Anakin. Anakin helps them escape from the ship in exchange for his freedom by organizing a jailbreak and crashing the spaceship into the sands of Tattooine. They construct a pod racer and are chased across the sands of Tatooine by Darth Maul and his men. They finally crash into a power plant, where Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan battle Darth Maul to the death. With the death of Darth Maul, they regain control of the planet of Naboo, begin the first attack against the Separatist movement, and gain ownership of Anakin Skywalker. Obi-Wan decides to raise and train Anakin in the ways of the Force, but still wonders who is the dark force behind Darth Maul...

Jokebook: Seeing Eye

This blind guy walks into a bar, picks up his seeing-eye dog by its leash, and starts swinging
the dog in circles over his head.

The bartender yells, "Hey, what're you doing?"

The blind guy says, "Just takin’ a look around."

YouTube Strikes Gold

I admit, I didn't believe it. I didn't believe YouTube would ever make money. I had read numerous stories about how YouTube was hemmoraging money, how it had copyright issues, how it was struggling with bandwidth. Sure, it was popular and everybody was excited about it, but what was it? I figured it was a throwback to the dot-com failures of yesteryear - all hype, no profit. In a year or two, the start-up money would run out and it would collapse. And then, Google bought it for over a billion dollars. And now I wish I had thought of it. The three founding members get to split a billion dollars. I guess it's true what they say; if you build it, they will come. Will YouTube continue to be successful in the long run? Who cares, they got paid.
Categories: news

Flashback Friday: Shanghai McNuggets

Once upon a time, in a McDonald's boardroom, a group of executives said "Hey, let's sell Chinese food." And someone else said, "Hey, good idea. Chinese food is popular. But it'll be expensive to develop a new product." And the other one said, "Nah, just sell Chinese-flavored sauces for the Chicken McNuggets." Thus, Shanghai McNuggets were born. Essentially, they were Chicken McNuggets sold with sweet and sour sauce, hot mustard, and teriyaki sauce. I remember liking these, but then I was a kid. It was actually okay, but then, you can't mess up Chicken McNuggets too much. Unless you ask where they came from.

Looking back, what strikes me most about this campaign was the incredible racism. I mean, it's barely Chinese food to begin with, but then they had the asian music and Ronald McDonald doing a karate chop. If they sold McNuggets with salsa, would they call it the Tijuana McNuggets? And having Ronald McDonald running across the border or riding in the back of a pickup truck? Actually, I can see that. I better not give McDonald's any ideas.

Links:
I couldn't find much information on these at all. I almost started to think I made it up until I found an entry at Wikipedia. And even that didn't have much. But there was much informal discussion on them on a thread at X-Entertainment. There was also a thread on rec.games.trivia about them.

Fun Facts:
* Shanghai McNuggets came in Chinese take-out boxes and came with a fortune cookie and chopsticks.
* The box included instructions on how to use chopsticks.
* McDonald's employees had to wear a bamboo Coolie hat to promote the Shanghai McNuggets.
* The Shanghai McNuggets were discontinued pretty quickly, but I don't know the exact year.
* In China, McDonald's sells Shrimp McNuggets.

Lunch Hunter

Someone stole my wife's lunch last week. That is so irritating. I can't believe somebody would just take someone else's lunch. I wish I could understand the psychology of that. You walk into the lunchroom, sift through all the lunches, find one that looks good, and just walk away with it. And you sit down and eat it, knowing someone else could be going hungry because of you, and don't care. Unbelievable that there are people like that. That's something that a homeless person would do wandering in off the street, not an employed adult working in an office. I can't understand how you can live with yourself doing something that low.
Categories: opinion

Zune vs. iPod

Apparently, Microsoft is going to launch a competitor to iPod. Just the thought of Microsoft competing with Apple in an area of creativity like music players made me laugh. But after reading this article about the advantages of Zune versus the iPod, I have to admit it's daunting. I actually found myself thinking that if I had the chance and the money, I would go with a Zune player instead of an iPod. That's scary. The evil empire is not dead.
Categories: entertainment

Mario Bros Live

A student project re-creates the videogame Mario Bros in real-life. It's awesome.

BOR Radio meets Couch Potato

Well, it's been a long time coming, but it's finally ready...BOR Public Radio is on the air. It's still a little buggy, but it'll get better as I get this whole podcasting thing.

And speaking of comedy, check out the latest release by Platypi Publishing, The Adventures of Couch Potato.

UPDATE: My Platypuspublishing website is gone. The new website for BOR Public Radio is http://borpublicradio.bravehost.com and my e-books are available at http://nigelgmitchell.bravehost.com

Update from the New Yuk Times

The latest breaking story from the New Yuk Times:
Nuclear War Destroys Europe, Two Americans Killed