Pariswatch 2005: Blackberry Juice

My continuing love/hate relationship with Paris Hilton continues with this story that truly takes the cake. Last week, someone hacked into Paris' cellphone/Blackberry and uploaded the contents onto the Internet. Not only did it have some compromising images Paris had taken (no surprise there) and embarassingly lame emails, but hundreds of celebrities had their personal phone numbers made public. Almost all of them were changed the day after, but not before some celebrities had to fight off hundreds of prank calls. Now we can't really blame Paris for this one...I mean, it's not her fault she got hacked...but I'm going to, anyway. Dumb blonde.

And in case you haven't seen it, here is the still-functioning copy (for now) of the hacker website and a whole website dedicated to the fiasco.

What's the Hand Signal For Pervert?

Sweet lovable Koko, the gorilla whose handlers claim can communicate with hand gestures. Koko, so loveable that they put her in the movie Congo. Guess what? She's a pervert.

In a lawsuit filed on Tuesday, former female employees of the Gorilla Foundation claim Koko's trainer demanded that they bare their breasts to Koko because she has a "nipple fetish." The lawsuit also claims they were forced to work unpaid overtime and kept gorilla urine in the refrigerator next to their lunches.

This story is guaranteed to make you feel better about your job. Imagine having a job that required you to keep your grub next to a jar of gorilla urine and show your boobs to a monkey. Makes that eight hours in a cubicle with a chatty neighbor and a broken chair sound like heaven.

Making Your Family Look Normal

How would you like to find out that your sister was really your mother and your mother was really your grandmother? And how would you like to find that out after they both died? Welcome the true-life nightmare and truly twisted tale of the young Jack Nicholson. That's right, the actor.

Scientologists Are Stupid

If you want a good laugh, check out what Scientologists have to pay thousands of dollars and spend years to learn at Wikipedia.com - the true origin of all those bad feelings we all have. Here's a gigantic hint - it involves a space alien named Xenu.

Hockey Strikes Out

As you've probably already heard, the National Hockey League has cancelled the rest of the season for 2004-2005. And as you probably already know, few people really care. Sure, some people care; the die-hard hockey fans. But how many of them are living in America, eh?

What most people really care about is the fact that a sports strike has come to this. Even during the dreaded baseball strike in 1994, they never cancelled the season. I personally never followed or liked hockey, so I don't care if they do save the season. I just think it's stupid that a bunch of millionares (players or owners) are bickering over a couple million dollars here and there. When Wal-Mart workers strike, it's because they want more money to feed their families. When hockey players strike, it's because they won't take less than forty-two million dollars. How many of us will ever see even half that money in our lives, let alone in a year?

There's serious talk of the NHL shutting down for good as a result of the hostility generated among fans because of the shut-down. I personally hope it does. Then let all the baseball, football, and baseketball players see that it's not the players or owners that run their sports - it's the fans. Without fans, you guys are nothing. Besides, I never liked hockey.

Randomlynx: I Work With Fools

That pretty much says it all doesn't it? I Work With Fools.com is a website where you can submit your nightmare stories about your co-workers. Some of them are kind of petty, but others are funny.