What's up with R&B songs where the guy's whining about how a girl left him? I swear, ninety percent of R&B songs I hear these days are about some guy begging his girl to come back to him or whaling about how he shouldn't have let her go. Have some pride, people. What happened to the good old days? I know where this comes from -- women wanting to listen to some hot guy grovel at their feet or imagining the song is from their ex-boyfriend so they can feel a visceral revenge.
Categories: opinion
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Saturday, July 15, 2006
My Goddess: Exclamations of the Future
Why is it that in movies and TV shows, people in the future don't use the expression "Oh my God" anymore? Not that we use it that much these days,but whenever something startling happens, people in the future always have some weird variation. Like "Oh my Goddess!" Or "By the Gods!" I was watching one movie last night where the future is ruled by a dictator named the Master, and everybody goes "By the Master!" They never say "holy &*!#"or "what in @*&%." I guess a more enlightened future won't have curse words. Maybe we should start working on that right now, because you wouldn't want the future to come and all the profanity to disappear, and not have a backup plan. We'd hit our thumbs with a hammer and go "Ahhh! Oh,what's that word we used to say? I wish we had some expression to use right about now!" From now on, I say "By the slippery slopes of the mighty moons of Zordlokana!" Don't laugh...in a hundred years, we'll all say it.
IH8 BLNDZ
I hate blondes. Probably not a big surprise, given my love of blonde jokes and hatred of blonde celebrities like Paris and Britney, but I felt it needed to be said. Now let me say that I have less of a problem with women who are born blonde than those who dye their hair blonde.
Next time you're in a room full of people like the DMV or the movies, count the number of women with blonde hair. Chances are, most of those women are dying their hair blonde. The reason I hate bottle blondes is it shows a complete lack of imagination. "I wanna dye my hair. What color should I choose? Well, blondes have more fun." There are so many colors in the world. If all you can think of is blonde, then you are not even trying. Which means you're stupid. They might as well wear blue contacts, too, like Paris Hilton.
I know why women do it. Blonde gets you noticed, not because it's that beautiful, but because it's bright. It's like wearing a spotlight on your head. Not to say that blonde can't be hot, but I greatly prefer brunettes or redheads.
Next time you're in a room full of people like the DMV or the movies, count the number of women with blonde hair. Chances are, most of those women are dying their hair blonde. The reason I hate bottle blondes is it shows a complete lack of imagination. "I wanna dye my hair. What color should I choose? Well, blondes have more fun." There are so many colors in the world. If all you can think of is blonde, then you are not even trying. Which means you're stupid. They might as well wear blue contacts, too, like Paris Hilton.
I know why women do it. Blonde gets you noticed, not because it's that beautiful, but because it's bright. It's like wearing a spotlight on your head. Not to say that blonde can't be hot, but I greatly prefer brunettes or redheads.
Bad Villain: Zsasz
One of the villains featured in Knightfall is Zsasz. I remember Zsasz. He was one of the reasons I stopped reading Batman, if not comics in general. He's a serial killer. He has that thing with carving notches in himself for every kill and wearing a mask, but he's still a serial killer. That's the problem with writers today, they have no vision. They would never come up with villains like the Joker and Two-Face today. Batman's villains should be larger-than-life, not the mundane evil we see in the real world. Maybe we've seen too much evil in our world to tolerate the kind of fun and simplistic evil of the old days.
Lincoln's Letter
I heard about this on the radio and looked it up. For perspective, Lincoln himself suffered the death of his first love and also several children...
President Abraham Lincoln wrote this touching letter of condolence to the daughter of his long-time friend, William McCullough. During Lincoln's law circuit days, McCullough was sheriff and clerk of the McLean County Circuit Court in Bloomington, Illinois. Early in the Civil War he helped organize the Fourth Illinois Cavalry, which he served as Lieutenant Colonel. On
December 5, 1862, he was killed during an night charge near Coffeeville, Mississippi.
--
Executive Mansion,
Washington, December 23, 1862.
Dear Fanny,
It is with deep grief that I learn of the death of your kind and brave Father; and, especially, that it is affecting your young heart beyond what is common in such cases. In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes to all; and, to the young, it comes with bitterest agony, because it takes them unawares. The older have learned to ever expect it. I am anxious to afford some alleviation of your present distress. Perfect relief is not possible, except with time. You can not now realize that you will ever feel better. Is not this so? And yet it is a mistake. You are sure to be happy again. To know this, which is certainly true, will make you some less miserable now. I have had experience enough to know what I say; and you need only to believe it, to feel better at once. The memory of your dear Father, instead of an agony, will yet be a sad sweet feeling in your heart, of a purer and holier sort than you have known before.
Please present my kind regards to your afflicted mother.
Your sincere friend
A. Lincoln
President Abraham Lincoln wrote this touching letter of condolence to the daughter of his long-time friend, William McCullough. During Lincoln's law circuit days, McCullough was sheriff and clerk of the McLean County Circuit Court in Bloomington, Illinois. Early in the Civil War he helped organize the Fourth Illinois Cavalry, which he served as Lieutenant Colonel. On
December 5, 1862, he was killed during an night charge near Coffeeville, Mississippi.
--
Executive Mansion,
Washington, December 23, 1862.
Dear Fanny,
It is with deep grief that I learn of the death of your kind and brave Father; and, especially, that it is affecting your young heart beyond what is common in such cases. In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes to all; and, to the young, it comes with bitterest agony, because it takes them unawares. The older have learned to ever expect it. I am anxious to afford some alleviation of your present distress. Perfect relief is not possible, except with time. You can not now realize that you will ever feel better. Is not this so? And yet it is a mistake. You are sure to be happy again. To know this, which is certainly true, will make you some less miserable now. I have had experience enough to know what I say; and you need only to believe it, to feel better at once. The memory of your dear Father, instead of an agony, will yet be a sad sweet feeling in your heart, of a purer and holier sort than you have known before.
Please present my kind regards to your afflicted mother.
Your sincere friend
A. Lincoln
Star Wars vs Star Trek
Jokebook: Drinking Contest
This Texan walks a bar and taps an Irishman on the shoulder. He says, "I hear tell you Irishmen are hard drinkers. Well, I'll bet you ten bucks ya'll can't do this."
The guy orders ten beers, then gulps them all down, one after the other. When he's finished, he turns to the Irishman and says, "Try that."
Instead, the Irishman gets up and runs out of the bar. The Texan laughs and considers himself the winner.
Fifteen minutes later, the Irishman walks back into the bar, taps the Texan on the shoulder, and asks, "Hey, pal, that bet o' yours still stand?"
The Texan shrugs and says, "Sure."
So the Irishman orders ten beers and immediately slams them all down.
While the Texan forks over the money, he says, "You know, I thought ya'll were runnin' out on the bet. How come you left?"
The Irishman says, "Oh, I wasn't sure I could do it, so I went to another pub to practice first."
The guy orders ten beers, then gulps them all down, one after the other. When he's finished, he turns to the Irishman and says, "Try that."
Instead, the Irishman gets up and runs out of the bar. The Texan laughs and considers himself the winner.
Fifteen minutes later, the Irishman walks back into the bar, taps the Texan on the shoulder, and asks, "Hey, pal, that bet o' yours still stand?"
The Texan shrugs and says, "Sure."
So the Irishman orders ten beers and immediately slams them all down.
While the Texan forks over the money, he says, "You know, I thought ya'll were runnin' out on the bet. How come you left?"
The Irishman says, "Oh, I wasn't sure I could do it, so I went to another pub to practice first."
Jokebook: Estrogen in Beer
Scientists have concluded that beer contains estrogen and turns men intowomen. How do they know? Because men who drink too much beer talk too much,get overly emotional, and can't drive.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Ask-A-Ninja
I recently discovered Ask-a-Ninja. It's a videocast of a ninja answering questions. It's consistently funny and goofy. Check it out at YouTube or Ask-a-Ninja.com. Oddly enough, the official site has fewer videos than YouTube. I look forward to killing you soon!
Jokebook: Windy City
A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to an old man. The guy orders a beer and drinks it, then gets up and jumps out the window.
A few seconds later, the guy comes floating back into the bar.
The old man asks, "How'd you do that?"
The guy says "Oh, there's a draft outside the window. If you jump out, it catches you and blows you back in."
The old man says "I've gotta try that" and jumps out the window. He doesn't come back.
The guy sits down and orders another beer.
When the bartender sets the beer down in front of the guy, the bartender says, "You sure are a mean drunk, Superman."
A few seconds later, the guy comes floating back into the bar.
The old man asks, "How'd you do that?"
The guy says "Oh, there's a draft outside the window. If you jump out, it catches you and blows you back in."
The old man says "I've gotta try that" and jumps out the window. He doesn't come back.
The guy sits down and orders another beer.
When the bartender sets the beer down in front of the guy, the bartender says, "You sure are a mean drunk, Superman."
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Geektalk: The Current State of Comics
The experience of reading Knightfall also reminded me how out-of-touch I am with comics these days. Would you believe it came out in 1993, almost thirteen years ago? And I was falling out of synch with comics even back then. As for everything else, I was lost. I walked into the comic shop and realized I had to buy graphic novels to catch up quickly, but I didn't even know where to begin. When did Iron Man become an alcoholic again? A year ago? When did Green Lantern turn evil? Four years ago? When did the Hulk end up on the run again? Eight years ago? How many graphic novels would I need to buy just to understand the issue on the shelf right now? When I looked at it that way, there was no point. I wanted to read the latest issue of Spiderman, Fantastic Four, Hulk, and the Flash - all my favorites - but I realized I wouldn't understand them. I would have to read ten years worth of comics before I could enjoy the latest issue.
Categories: entertainment
Related:
My Review of Knightfall
Batman Vs Osama: Holy Terror
Categories: entertainment
Related:
My Review of Knightfall
Batman Vs Osama: Holy Terror
My Humps Sucks
To me, the song My Humps represents everything that's wrong with urban music. Let's start with the chorus. To refer to body parts on a woman as "lady lumps?" If that chorus had been sung by a man, he would have been accused of the lowest form of misogyny. Then there's the fact that she's bragging about how she can get things from men without giving anything in return, just by moving her "humps." Too many R&B songs by women are about that. Isn't that exactly what Kanye West immortalized in Gold Digger? But don't take my word for it. Slate agrees.Categories: entertainment
The 11th Dimension: Extradimensional Theory
I won't pretend to understand this story, but it's fascinating to read nonetheless - the fact that the universe doesn't make sense with only four dimensions. Gravity, time, space, all of them point to other dimensions beyond what we can see and experience. I personally am a big fan of interdimensional mumbo-jumbo, the kind of stuff that blows your mind. So this article at MSN is right up my alley. May have to read it a few times to understand it, though.
Categories: science
Categories: science
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
News Nuggets
INTERNATIONAL
The United States continued to clash with the international community over how to deal with Iran's nuclear weapons ambitions. Some say that a military option should be employed. Others say that a diplomatic solution would be best. Others believe that economic sanctions should be employed. Still others believe that the new X-Men movie rocks.
U.S.
The president announced a new treasury secretary, Henry Paulson, to replace the former treasury secretary, Tony Snow. In response to the new appointment, the American people were quoted as saying "What's a treasury secretary?"
SPORTS
Jason Grimsley was released from the Diamondbacks after the federal government raided his house in a steroid investigation. The Diamondbacks confirmed that it was Grimsley who requested to be released, and the team oblidged, adding that they hoped the door didn't hit him on the way out.
The Diamondbacks also made history when they released Russ Ortiz in the middle of his contract. The team will owe Ortiz twenty-two million dollars making this the most expensive buyout in major league baseball history. Sources inside the team blame the disastrous decision on the fact that their general manager is on steroids.
ENTERTAINMENT
The new movie The Da Vinci Code was released to strong ticket sales. The movie involves a mystery behind a museum curator's death that unfolds a conspiracy behind Jesus Christ's death. The biggest mystery? How anyone could stay awake during the movie.
The Omen was released on the sixth day of the sixth month of the sixth year of the new century. The movie opened to big box office, right up until every theater showing the movie was struck by lightning.
The United States continued to clash with the international community over how to deal with Iran's nuclear weapons ambitions. Some say that a military option should be employed. Others say that a diplomatic solution would be best. Others believe that economic sanctions should be employed. Still others believe that the new X-Men movie rocks.
U.S.
The president announced a new treasury secretary, Henry Paulson, to replace the former treasury secretary, Tony Snow. In response to the new appointment, the American people were quoted as saying "What's a treasury secretary?"
SPORTS
Jason Grimsley was released from the Diamondbacks after the federal government raided his house in a steroid investigation. The Diamondbacks confirmed that it was Grimsley who requested to be released, and the team oblidged, adding that they hoped the door didn't hit him on the way out.
The Diamondbacks also made history when they released Russ Ortiz in the middle of his contract. The team will owe Ortiz twenty-two million dollars making this the most expensive buyout in major league baseball history. Sources inside the team blame the disastrous decision on the fact that their general manager is on steroids.
ENTERTAINMENT
The new movie The Da Vinci Code was released to strong ticket sales. The movie involves a mystery behind a museum curator's death that unfolds a conspiracy behind Jesus Christ's death. The biggest mystery? How anyone could stay awake during the movie.
The Omen was released on the sixth day of the sixth month of the sixth year of the new century. The movie opened to big box office, right up until every theater showing the movie was struck by lightning.
Monday, June 19, 2006
Joketime: The Perfect World
"Heaven is where the police are English, the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by the Swiss. Hell is where the police are German, the cooks are English, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Italians."
Virtual Psycho: Schizophrenia Simulation
In order to help friends and family understand mental illness better, a drug manufacturer created a multimedia presentation that simulates what it's like to have schizophrenia. NPR has a slideshow with sound and graphics from the presentation. Be warned...it's truly disturbing, if not terrifying. After viewing it, I think we all come to a better understanding of the horrors of mental illness.
Categories: science
Adwatch: Nike' Likes Big Butts
Nike has created a new ad campaign which praises big butts and thighs. It's supposed to show that there are a wide variety of body types, not just the lean stereotypes in commercials. You can view the ad at Adrants. To me, this ad is quite clearly aimed at black women. I've never heard a white woman say these things, but have heard plenty of black women say them. Oddly enough, even this commercial is controversial on both sides. Some people say it's offensive to portray an unhealthy lifestyle as positive, but others say it doesn't go far enough because it portrays an athletic big butt, not a regular big butt. Boy, those big-butted women are never satisfied.UPDATE: I've added the actual ad to this blog post, in case Adrants takes it down.
Related Posts
Booty Double: Jessica Simpson's Body Double
Modern Booty Technology: Beyonce's Wax Double
J-Low: The Fall of Jennifer Lopez
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Don't Go Cheap On...
Since going broke a few years ago, I've discovered there are some things you just can't buy on the cheap. You just have to pay full price.
1. Toilet paper - Use your imagination. It's the difference between touching a feather and sandpaper.
2. Spam - I think Spam is actually pretty good. Imitation Spam is what people think of when they think of Spam; ugly meat with an unfamiliar and creepy taste. As bad as you think real spam might taste, imitation spam tastes worse.
3. Pop-Tarts - There are imitation Pop-Tarts that are okay, but the kind they sell at 99-cent stores are downright nasty.
4. Pens - Even if you do manage to find that pack of two hundred pens for ninety-nine cents, one hundred and ninety-nine of them will run out of ink and stop working within ten seconds.
This list could be longer, but I'm tired.
1. Toilet paper - Use your imagination. It's the difference between touching a feather and sandpaper.
2. Spam - I think Spam is actually pretty good. Imitation Spam is what people think of when they think of Spam; ugly meat with an unfamiliar and creepy taste. As bad as you think real spam might taste, imitation spam tastes worse.
3. Pop-Tarts - There are imitation Pop-Tarts that are okay, but the kind they sell at 99-cent stores are downright nasty.
4. Pens - Even if you do manage to find that pack of two hundred pens for ninety-nine cents, one hundred and ninety-nine of them will run out of ink and stop working within ten seconds.
This list could be longer, but I'm tired.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
It's Not Brad's Baby: Shiloh Jolie-Pitt
I was flipping through the tabloids and the National Enquirer's claiming that Angelina's baby isn't Brad Pitt's. The headline was "It's NOT Brad's Baby!" and took up half the page. Turns out she was involved with her ex-husband at the time, and an "insider" claims that Angelina did the math and thinks she might have gotten pregnant with him. If I were Brad Pitt, I'd do a paternity test. Now I really hate Angelina Jolie. What a ho. She's got the most desirable man in the world (according to some people) in the bag, and that's not enough - she's gotta sleep with some other guy. I don't really like Jennifer Aniston, but now I hope the two of them get back together, just to spite Angelina. The same article said that Angelina is trying to convince Brad to live outside the US because she's afraid he'll go back to Jennifer and wants to keep the two of them apart. Whoof, what a complicated love triangle this turned out to be. It would make a great soap opera.
Categories: entertainment
Related:
E! Network Plans All Brad and Angelina Channel
Categories: entertainment
Related:
E! Network Plans All Brad and Angelina Channel
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Jason the Rat: Jason Grimsley's Drug Bust
The big story in sports these days is Jason Grimsley, a Diamondbacks pitcher who was raided for using human growth hormone, steroids, and amphetamines. According to reports, he was caught receiving a shipment of the drugs and not only confessed, but gave up the names of ten other baseball players who he says he gave drugs to. I find it interesting to compare the reaction to him to Barry Bonds. Surprisingly, people seem to be more upset about him squealing on other teammates than the fact that he cheated. They call him a rat and say he should honor the code of the clubhouse, not give other names. I find this perspective amazing. Look, he's a cheater and a drug trafficker. They talk like he has some sort of integrity to hold true to. The fact that he's a snitch is the least unpleasant thing about him. At least that has some defense - he was trying to protect his family and so forth. There's no defense for dishonoring the integrity of the game, and getting an unfair advantage over other players. And let's face it, we all want to know the names of the players who are using drugs in the major leagues. Who cares how we get them?Categories: sports
Saturday, June 10, 2006
News Nuggets
INTERNATIONAL
Australians held a contest to find the country's ugliest sheep. The winner will be flown to the United States to become the new First Lady of Arkansas.
The president of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez, applauded high oil prices and called on OPEC to cut production to raise prices even higher. The rest of the world called on Hugo Chavez to be beaten to death with fuel pump hoses.
The United States managed to assassinate the number one al-Qaeda operative in Iraq, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. Osama bin Laden was quoted as saying, "Glad they spent all that time looking for him instead of me."
U.S.
A new survey of college students found that iPods are more popular than beer. But the results have been questioned because the students taking the survey were drunk.
Fox crowned the nation's new American Idol, Taylor Hicks. At the same time, they crowned the nation's ugliest pop singer.
ENTERTAINMENT
Brad and Angelina had their baby this week. The baby has already been named as People's Most Beautiful Person for 2007.
Brad and Angelina sold their baby's first photos to People Magazine for 4.5 million dollars. They've already announced what they plan to do with it - pay for Angelina Jolie's yearly supply of lip balm.
In her divorce papers, Denise Richards accused her ex-husband Charlie Sheen of looking at a gay porn website. In response, the website's legal department released a statement that reads, "We prefer the term 'adult entertainment' to describe Mister Cruise's website."
Fox announced that it's planning a big-screen version of the hit TV series 24. There have been concerns about the success of the movie, since it'll be twenty-four hours long. Fox suggests packing a lunch.
SPORTS
Professional racing horse Barbaro broke its leg in the second race towards a Triple Crown win. Many fans worried about whether the horse would be shot, like other popular horses such as Horatio Nelson, Charismatic, and conservative commentator Ann Coulter.
The NHL playoffs went into full swing. And nobody cares.
See you next Tuesday.
Australians held a contest to find the country's ugliest sheep. The winner will be flown to the United States to become the new First Lady of Arkansas.
The president of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez, applauded high oil prices and called on OPEC to cut production to raise prices even higher. The rest of the world called on Hugo Chavez to be beaten to death with fuel pump hoses.
The United States managed to assassinate the number one al-Qaeda operative in Iraq, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. Osama bin Laden was quoted as saying, "Glad they spent all that time looking for him instead of me."
U.S.
A new survey of college students found that iPods are more popular than beer. But the results have been questioned because the students taking the survey were drunk.
Fox crowned the nation's new American Idol, Taylor Hicks. At the same time, they crowned the nation's ugliest pop singer.
ENTERTAINMENT
Brad and Angelina had their baby this week. The baby has already been named as People's Most Beautiful Person for 2007.
Brad and Angelina sold their baby's first photos to People Magazine for 4.5 million dollars. They've already announced what they plan to do with it - pay for Angelina Jolie's yearly supply of lip balm.
In her divorce papers, Denise Richards accused her ex-husband Charlie Sheen of looking at a gay porn website. In response, the website's legal department released a statement that reads, "We prefer the term 'adult entertainment' to describe Mister Cruise's website."
Fox announced that it's planning a big-screen version of the hit TV series 24. There have been concerns about the success of the movie, since it'll be twenty-four hours long. Fox suggests packing a lunch.
SPORTS
Professional racing horse Barbaro broke its leg in the second race towards a Triple Crown win. Many fans worried about whether the horse would be shot, like other popular horses such as Horatio Nelson, Charismatic, and conservative commentator Ann Coulter.
The NHL playoffs went into full swing. And nobody cares.
See you next Tuesday.
Friday, June 09, 2006
Flashback Friday: Photon
It's hard to believe, but there was once a time when laser tag was a bold and futuristic idea. In the eighties, there were two competing systems - Photon and Laser Tag. The fact that the game of shooting your friends with lasers is now known universally as Laser Tag shows who won. Both of them made TV shows, and just like the games, one was better than the other.
Photon was about a modern-day (well, eighties, anyway) teenager Bhodi Lee who was secretly a member of an intergalactic police force. When he was summoned, he would go off on adventures to faraway planets to do battle with an elite team of aliens. They filmed some segments in blue-screen with alien planets projected onto the backgrounds. This idea was horrible. It gave the show a look that screamed "fake."
Fun Facts:
* The show was Japanese dubbed into English. Amazingly enough, I never noticed this when I was a kid. Shows how long ago it was.
* Every episode, the good and evil teams would race to charge a crystal with good energy or evil energy.
* The aliens were truly freaky. No bumpy foreheads on this show. One of Bhodi's partners wore a miner's helmet.
Links
X-Entertainment Episode Review
Vikki's Photon Page
Internet Movie Database
Chilandra's Photon Links
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