Nuking the Fridge: The new "Jump the Shark"

**SPOILER ALERT** I thought the scene in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull where he escapes the nuclear blast was incredible. I mean, at that moment when I realized he was in a nuclear test site and there was no way out, I thought he was dead meat. And then he escaped in a fridge. I thought "wow." But it turns out that scene was so controversial that it coined a new term: “nuking the fridge, a scene in a movie so outrageous that it kills the rest of the movie or the rest of the film series. I didn’t think it was that bad, but thinking back…it was. I found myself asking, “Well, is it possible to survive a nuclear explosion in a fridge?" The answer is obviously no, but I thought this scientific explanation was good. Makes only slightly more sense than hiding under a school desk.

Oh, and in case you're wondering, you also can't use a snake as a rope to pull yourself out of a sand pit.

And speaking of George Lucas, here's more evidence that he is an idiot when it comes to good writing. It was his idea to put Indiana Jones up against aliens, which Spielberg and Harrison Ford correctly thought was ridiculous. I found the idea of aliens less believable than Indiana finding the Lost Ark of the Covenant.

Worst Movie Career Ever: Aaron Eckhart's Bad Judgment

Aaron Eckhart is a good-looking guy, he's got strong screen presence, he's a good actor, but he's nowhere near where he should be. That's because, in my opinion, he has the worst judgment on choosing movie roles of anyone in Hollywood.

His first breakout role was as Chad in In the Company of Men, a movie role so reviled by women that he gets nothing but grief for it. In an interview on Fresh Air, when Terri asked him about it, Eckhart actually said a variation of "I was young, I needed the money" as his explanation for doing the movie. But he finally achieved mainstream success with his performance as Two-Face in The Dark Knight. And what does he follow it up with? Towelhead, where he plays an Army reservist turned child molester. The movie tanked and got horrible reviews.

Jokebook: Route 66

A cop's on the highway when he sees a car that's going 22 miles an hour. So he turns on his lights and pulls it over. Inside the car are four old ladies, all looking pale and trembling.

The driver manages to look up at the cop and says, "What's wrong, officer? I was doing the speed limit. I swear."

The cop says, "Actually, you were going under the speed limit. Going too slow on the highway is almost as dangerous as going too fast."

The old lady says, "But, officer, I was going twenty-two, just like the sign says."

The cop looks at the sign she's pointing at and says, "Ma'am, that sign is the route number, not the speed limit."

The old lady blushes and says, "Oh, well, that explains a few things."

"Yes. Now are you all right? You all look like you've seen a ghost."

The lady says, "Oh, we'll be fine in a minute. We just got off Route 119."

Quote of the Week: Ninja Products

"I, too, am looking for more ninja based products. More specifically I was wondering if there was a ninja based operating system of some kind."
- Seraph on the topic of a ninja-based MMORG

Flashback Friday: The New Adventures of Beans Baxter

Let's be clear: Spy Kids was a great movie. The idea of little kids becoming super-cool super-spies tapped into the wish-fulfillment of every kid who saw James Bond, and even those who didn't. But in all the accolades that Spy Kids received, it's forgotten that there was a show that plumbed the underage secret agent fantasy long before it. I had almost forgotten this show, too, so much so that I couldn't even remember the name of it. I had to go to a list of every TV show that aired in the eighties and literally go through every title, one by one, until I found it: The New Adventures of Beans Baxter.

The premise of the show is similar to Spy Kids, where a kid's parent disappears and the kid discovers his parent was really a secret agent. In this case, Beans Baxter's father disappears, and Beans discovers that his father isn't a mailman as he claimed, but really a secret agent. Beans becomes an agent in order to locate his missing father. I remember watching this show faithfully, but don't remember much about it.

TRIVIA
* Beans' real name was Benjamin Baxter, Jr.
* The creator and director of Beans Baxter was "Savage" Steve Holland, who also created the awesome animated series, Eek the Cat.
* Beans was one of the early shows aired by the newly-created Fox Network.
* The Network (the secret agency that Beans' works for) was intended to be the descendant of UNCLE, the secret agency from the TV show "The Man From UNCLE."
* Beans' nemesis was the evil Mister Sue, played by Kurtwood Smith. Smith later went on to fame playing "Red" Forman on That 70's Show.
* Mister Sue worked for U.G.L.I. (Underground Government Liberation Intergroup), the prototypical evil organization

LINKS
Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_New_Adventures_of_Beans_Baxter
TV.com summary http://www.tv.com/show/5497/summary.html

Related Posts:
Flashback Friday: BAT
Flashback Friday: Caveman Ugh-lympics
Flashback Friday: Life and Death

Fun in a Call Center: That's My Bush

After advising the patient that there was an error on her prescription...

ME: Sorry about that.
HILLARY: Oh, that's okay. It's not your fault. I don't know whose fault it is. Let's say it's Bush's fault. That's it. It's Bush's fault. D**n Bush!

11 Things Women Shouldn't Find Sexy But Do

There's a list of things guys shouldn't find sexy but do. But where's the list of things women shouldn't find sexy but do? Here's a start...

• criminals
• guys who ignore them
• sports cars
• musicians
• guys with long hair
• the Hulk
• doctors
• billionaires
• sweat
• Sean Connery
• construction workers

New Yuk Times: The Yes Men's Fake New York Times

Almost everybody knows the Onion, a satirical news website that features parodies of news. But the Yes Men have taken satirical news to a whole new level. In order to promote the ideals of liberal reform, they created a fictional version of the New York Times set on July 4th, 2009. Not only did they create an entire website that reads like a Democrat's fantasy utopia, but they also printed and distributed thousands of printed copies of the fictional Times. Very clever.

Speaking of spoofing the New Yuk Times, check out the New Yuk Times.

Jokebook: Moth Man

A guy walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I think I'm a moth."

The doctor says, "Well, I'm a doctor. It sounds like you need to see a psychiatrist."

The guy says, "Well, I was on my way to a psychiatrist, but I saw your light was on."

Flashback Friday: Six Million Dollar Man Action Figure

I loved the Six Million Dollar Man. I couldn't count how many times I ran around my house in slow motion, going "na-na-na-na-na." I remember the day I went to class and there was a kid with the Six Million Dollar Man action figure. That kid was the proverbial Man that day. The one thing I remember most is how the figure had a hole in the back of the head that you could look through, and see through Steve Austin’s eye. Other kids were lined up, and I remember waiting my turn and looking through the hole and seeing the little crosshairs. That feature alone made me think this figure was one of the coolest toys ever. In researching this flashback, I discovered that the action figure was even more awesome than I realized. The Six Million Dollar Man action figure was packed with features. I want one even more.

Trivia

• Arms and legs could be removed and replaced with new ones called "Critical Mission" limbs. The limbs had special features like karate chop action or blinking “laser” light. Steve Austin never replaced his limbs in the TV show, but he did in the original novel the series was based on.
• One version of the action figure came with a “bionic grip” in its right hand. The right arm could raise objects weighing up to two pounds.
• One version came with a fake steel girder for him to pick up, another had a plastic engine block…just in case he needed to fix his car.
• An elastic flesh-colored cloth covered the arms, so you could roll back the "skin" and expose his bionic components. In the original figure, the bionic parts could be removed, but complaints from parents' groups about choking concerns made later versions non-removable. Parents…they ruin everything.
• The action figure also had a Bionic Transport and Repair Station. Essentially combination vehicle and playset, on the outside it was a rocket ship for him to pretend to fly around in. Open it up and you get a bed to lie the figure down in and attach wires so you can "test and repair" his bionic parts. How cool is that?
• If that’s not enough for you, the cool kids could get a Mission Control Center, an inflatable dome that included a repair station, as well as a communications desk with interchangeable pictures of Steve, Oscar, and other characters, and an emergency escape hatch for him to bust out of.
• The Six Million Dollar Man action figure was the Tickle-Me Elmo of the seventies – demanded by every child, and hard to find.
• The action figure’s fragile nature (the arms and legs came off, the bionic components get lost, the fabric covering the arms tore) makes complete and intact figures hard to find.
  

Links:
Hands down, the best link on the Net about this figure is Plaid Stallions, which features photos and scans of the boxes for all the Six Million Dollar Man toys. Feeling Retro has a forum where people post their memories of the figure. There’s also an ebay guide for the completist which describes the different versions in frightening detail…so you know it’s authentic. You can watch the original 70’s commercial for the Bionic Grip action figure on YouTube.

Related Posts:
Flashback Friday: BAT
Flashback Friday: Caveman Ugh-lympics
Flashback Friday: Life and Death

Ancient Japanese Secret: Fix the problem's origins

"Fix the problem, not the blame." I read this "Japanese proverb" in Michael Crichton's Rising Sun as an example of how much more advanced Japanese philosophies are over Americans. The idea is that, when a problem comes up, the Americans spend time arguing over who's at fault while the Japanese just focus on the solution. I recently decided to post it here as a quote and did a search to find out who originally stated the proverb.

I found one forum discussing the proverb with someone pointing out the fact that this expression only makes sense in English. The saying hinges on the dual meaning of the word "fix," which wouldn't translate in Japanese. Therefore, this is most likely an English expression that someone attributed to the Japanese, maybe because it sounded more ancient and wise that way. It doesn't speak well of Crichton's research that he would make such a bone-headed mistake. Then again, Crichton also wrote State of Fear, which has been widely criticized as being poorly researched, so it's not that much of a surprise. Still a good proverb, though.

UPDATE: In my original post, I called Crichton's novels Red Sun and State of Emergency. Both incorrect. Guess I should have done more research.

Flashback Friday: B.A.T.

When I think back to some really cool games I've played, I often go back to "B.A.T." That's short for "Bureau of Astral Troubleshooters." It was an adventure game with a huge scope of things to see and do, set in a gritty, futuristic world. What I remember most is the movie-like opening with a great theme song and the title spinning into place, something that's commonplace for today but very ambitious for a time that often just featured a static opening screen.

I didn't even remember the plot, so I had to look it up. You played a member of an agency called the Bureau of Astral Troubleshooters on his first assignment for the Confederation of the Galaxies. A master criminal scientist named Vrangor has escaped from prison, along with a small-time crook name Merigo. The two of them have hatched a scheme to blackmail the galaxy. Vrangor has hidden nucturobiogenic bombs in Terrapolis, the largest city on the planet Selenia. Vrangor has given the government ten days to transfer ownership of the city to him or evacuate the city. The player's mission is to find Vrangor and stop the bombs from exploding before the ten days is up.

Trivia
* The game is set in the 22nd century.
* The game was originally released in 1990 in France, where it won "Game of the Year." The game was translated into English.
* The game boasted over 1100 different locations and characters from seven different species.
* The virtual city of Terrapolis had a wide range of services, such as a disco, restaurants, and a strip club. There was even an arcade with a playable mini-game called Bizzy.
* The player was required to eat and drink. Going hungry or thirsty for too long would cause death.
* The game was pure cyberpunk, heavily influenced by Blade Runner.
* The game featured a 3D flight simulator called DRAG to travel from place to place.
* The coolest feature in the game was a programmable computer embedded inside the player's wrist called B.O.B. The screen for B.O.B. actually showed the control panel in the arm with the surrounding flesh visible (Wish I could've found a screenshot for that). The computer could be programmed with a language similar to BASIC to do things like monitor the player's health or translate alien languages.

Fun in a Call Center: Mechanically Inclined

ME: Are you calling for yourself or someone else?
MRS BITTER: My husband.
ME: Does he have an email address he'd like us to keep on file?
MRS BITTER: No. He can't even operate a telephone.

Something tells me that marriage is a wee bit strained.

Quote of the Week: Doobie Physics

Chris Taylor: Here's the problem -- although your theory no doubt sounds quite wonderful to you in words when you spark up a doob and run it through your mind, if you actually had bothered to get enough of an education to translate it into actual math that could be used to make predictions about the physical world which could be experimentally verified you would quickly find that it doesn't.
-S.O.G. on the arguments for or against time travel causality

[The idea for this feature was blatantly stolen from Maurice's Blog]

The Joker's on You: Nicholson Mad About New Batman Movie

I think almost everyone would agree that Heath Ledger did an incredible job as the Joker in the new Batman Movie, The Dark Knight. But there's at least one person unhappy - Jack Nicholson. Nicholson is mad because he wasn't asked to come back to play the Joker in The Dark Knight. I have sympathy for him because that was an iconic performance, which is now essentially replaced by Heath Ledger's. Then again, I didn't hear him standing up for Adam West when West was complaining about not being asked to play Batman in the 1988 movie. Nor did I see him saying they should get Cesar Romero to play the Joker in the 1988 version. And why's that? It's called moving on, Jack. The rest of us did it, you should try it sometime.

Quote of the Week: What's Happening!!

A look at urban black life that manages to capture the offensiveness of Amos and Andy while avoiding that program's fun.
- TV Guide's Review of What's Happening

[The idea for this feature was blatantly stolen from Maurice's Blog]

Flashback Friday: Caveman Ugh-Lympics

In honor of the 2008 Beijing Olympics, let's talk about a glorious old game, Caveman Ugh-lympics. The title is pretty much self-explanatory - it's the Olympics set in the caveman era, Summer Olympics meets the Flintstones. That being said, it was very clever. Like instead of just running, you have to run from a saber-toothed tiger. And instead of just doing a pole vault, you have to vault over the head of a carnivorous dinosaur that eats the losers.

One thing I find amazing about this game is that the humor still holds up. The term politically incorrect didn't exist back then, but if it had, features of this game like the mate-toss would be called politically incorrect.

Trivia
* The game was released in 1989 by Electronic Arts.
* The movie parodies the popular Olympics-themed games by EPYX of the time.
* The game has six events - the matetoss, the dino vault, the dino race, the saber race, firemaking, and clubbing.
* Some of the events allow you to cheat. Like with firemaking, you can hit your opponent to slow him down.

Links
*You can download the game and see screenshots at abandonia.com.
*Wikipedia has an extremely brief article with I intend to correct.
* You can also read about and download the game at houseofgames.net

Whatever Knows Fear: The Problem With Man-Thing

I first encountered Man-Thing in the Official Handbook to the Marvel Universe. The image of Man-Thing lurching towards me on the page will forever be my image of Man-Thing. I loved him before I ever saw his comic, and was massively disappointed when I read the actual stories.

I think that he's a better character functionally than Swamp Thing. He's also scarier - the tentacles on his face and the large round black eyes would scare the crap out of me coming at me in the night. And the fact that he's drawn to anyone who fears him (which includes pretty much everybody) makes him more terrifying because it creates a cycle - you encounter Man-Thing, you fear him, he chases after you relentlessly until he burns you alive. That, in turn, makes you fear him. But his lack of a mind does make him a poor story engine.

Then again, what's Jason Voorhees or Michael's motivation besides killing anyone they encounter? I think the real problem with Man-Thing is that they try to make him the hero. He's not. His profile and even his motto ("whatever knows fear burns at the touch of the Man-Thing") imply a figure of terror. If I had the series, I would make him the villain, sort of a monthly horror movie. People encounter him, run from him, are destroyed by him. People try to destroy him, but can't. The local town draws Man-Thing to them and he traps them all inside. Maybe even introduce a regular Man-Thing hunter trying to stop him. Oh, to own the rights to that character.

Leapfraud: Amazing Ballgirl Catch

There's an amazing video of a ball girl who makes a pro baseball player look stupid by catching a runaway ball.

Movie Rules - Speaking in Tongues

Rule #56: Non-English speakers will speak English with heavy accents, even in their native country.

Examples: Hunt for Red October, Hotel Rwanda

You ever notice how people in American movies almost always speak English, even if they're not English speakers? They cut to a nuclear bunker in Russia full of Russians speaking to other Russians, and what are they speaking? English. But they do it with an accent. Of course, movies could have foreign characters speaking their own language with subtitles, but Americans hate reading subtitles.

My favorite example of this phenomenon is "Goldeneye," where the Russians in the military research facility are not only all speaking English to each other, but their computer systems display English as well. In fact, a critical plot point is that a hotshot Russian programmer likes to use dirty words as passwords for their high-tech Russian computer system. In English.

It's as if movies are set in an alternate reality where the whole world speaks English, and the only distinction between one country's language and another is the accent. Imagine a movie where a Frenchman character walks up to an American and starts speaking English with a French accent, and the American says, "I'm sorry, I don't speak French." Then the Frenchman starts talking with an American accent, and the American goes, "Okay, that's better." Or they get a translator who starts speaking English with a French accent. I'd like to see that.

If the USS Enterprise Had Realistic Voice Recognition

PICARD: Computer.
COMPUTER: [chirp] Welcome to the USS Enterprise Voice Recognition System. If you know the extension of the person you'd like to call, please say it now. For environmental changes, please say "environment." For access to records and documents, please say "records." For entertainment options, please say "entertainment." For information on ship systems and diagnostics, please say, diagnostics." For the replicator, please say "replicator." For--
PICARD: Replicator.
COMPUTER: You said "diagnostics." Is that correct?
PICARD: No.
COMPUTER: You said, "No." Is that correct?
PICARD: Yes.
COMPUTER: I'm sorry. Please state your request again. For environmental changes, please say "environment." For--
PICARD: Replicator.
COMPUTER: You said "replicator." Is that correct?
PICARD: Yes.
COMPUTER: Thank you. Please state what you would like to replicate.
PICARD: Tea. Earl Grey, hot.
COMPUTER: You said, "Be whirled whey in a pot." Is that correct?
PICARD: What? No.
COMPUTER: You said, "No." Is that correct?
PICARD: Yes.
COMPUTER: I'm sorry. Please state your request again.
PICARD: Tea. Earl Grey, hot.
COMPUTER: You said, "Be pearl day, shot." Is that correct?
PICARD: No.
COMPUTER: You said, "No." Is that correct?
PICARD: Yes.
COMPUTER: I'm sorry. Please state your request again.
PICARD: Tea...Earl...Grey...hot.
COMPUTER: You said, "Need girl gay, hot." I'm sorry, but we cannot replicate human beings. If you wish female companionship, please visit our lounge, Ten-Forward.
PICARD: I didn't say "girl gay," blast you.

COMPUTER: I'm sorry. Please state your request again.
PICARD: Oh, for heaven's sakes. Look, I want a cup of Earl Grey tea. And make it hot.
COMPUTER: You said, "Zero-four Blevin's rakes hook a font couple Curly May pee and naked hot." Is that correct?
PICARD: Oh, forget it. I'll just use a teapot.

Yee-Ha: Country Music While You're on Hold

Companies who use country music as their hold music should be forced into bankruptcy. I hate country music, and I have to listen to country music if I want to talk to you. That's like holding me hostage in some sort of torture chamber where they played heavy metal and the theme song for Barney the Dinosaur (allegedly). I would go insane. People really need to consider the full range of people who might be calling their business. Just because you like country or hip-hop or accordion music, doesn't mean everyone else does. It could even offend potential customers. That's why I like classical music on hold. Even if the caller doesn't like classical music, it's not going to offend them. Unless listening to Beethoven is against their religion or something.

Fun in a Call Center: Jews in Kansas

I got a call from someone in Kansas who said the following:

DOROTHY: Her name is Jew-Wah-Nee-Tah Lewis.
ME: Could you spell the first name for me?
DOROTHY: J-U-A-N-I-T-A.

I'm guessing they don't have too many Hispanics in Kansas.

If Microsoft Made Medication...

If Microsoft made medication...

10. Anyone who took them would be more vulnerable to catching viruses.
9. The drugs would cause you to collapse into unconsciousness at random times. This would be known as a "system crash."
8. It would be hard to tell if you were taking the right drug, because Microsoft would make all its medication look exactly the same - square and gray.
7. Even though Microsoft says their drugs are "Gulp-and-Go" compatible, only certain people can take Microsoft drugs. Anyone else who tries to take Microsoft drugs dies immediately. The only way to tell if you're compatible with Microsoft drugs is to take them and see if you die.
6. You could only buy Microsoft drugs from Microsoft pharmacies.
5. The drugs would have hundreds of side effects, all of which would be identified only by esoteric numbers that no one understood.
4. You would never know when you would suffer the dreaded Blue Spleen of Death.
3. Every time Microsoft released a new batch of the medication, the old pills would stop working.
2. Whenever someone identified a problem with the medication, instead of fixing the medication, Microsoft would release other drugs to take to fix the problems with the first one.
1. No one could take non-Microsoft drugs, because Microsoft would design its drugs to have lethal interactions with other manufacturer's drugs.

Every episode of "House, MD" in a Nutshell

Why sit through endless episodes of House, MD when you can enjoy the entire series all at once? Here's every episode of House, MD in a nutshell.

FADE IN

PERSON DOES SOMETHING WEIRD, THEN COLLAPSES.

CUT TO:
HOUSE AND TEAM DISCUSSING CASE

HOUSE: I'm a genius and everyone else is an idiot. Including the patient. I hate you all.

TEAM MEMBER 1: I think it's a very simple and common disease the viewer's never heard of.
TEAM MEMBER 2: I think it's a complex and rare disease the viewer's never heard of.
TEAM MEMBER 3: I don't know what it is.
HOUSE: You're all idiots.
TEAM MEMBER 1: Do you know what it is?
HOUSE: No, but I know all your ideas are stupid. Let's run a series of tests and give them medications to treat every possible condition they might have until the patient gets better.

HOUSE TAKES DRUGS AND DOES CRAZY THINGS.

PATIENT GOES INTO SEIZURES.

HOUSE: Well, that didn't work. Whose stupid idea was that, anyway?
TEAM MEMBERS: Yours.
HOUSE: In that case, it was a brilliant idea.
HOUSE'S BOSS: Your actions risked the life of your patient. You've violated every rule and law of the medical profession. By any measure, you should have been barred from practicing medicine years ago. But I'm not going to fire you.
HOUSE: Why not?
HOUSE'S BOSS: Good question.
HOUSE: Wait a minute. My keen and analytical mind has noticed some small fact that escaped everyone else's notice. It turns out the patient has an entirely different disease the viewer's never heard of. Give them this.
PATIENT: I'm cured. Thank you, Doctor.
HOUSE: I hate you.

FADE OUT