Jon Stewart Gives a Lesson on New York Pizza

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The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
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10 Best of the Jealous Girl Meme

Courtesy of Meme Generator...the 10 best of the Jealous Girl image meme...

Call Center Comics: Quitting Time

Call Center Comics: Stupid Questions

Jokebook: Anti-Women

My wife never reads this blog, so...how about some women jokes?

Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: So they can stand closer to the sink.

Q: How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence with, "A man once told me...."

Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't. There's a clock on the oven.

Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, because at least he'll shut up after you let him in.

One golfer tells another: "I got a set of golf clubs for my wife."
The other replies: "Good trade."

Q: What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?
A: No mind and no business.

---

A man gets a call from his credit card company who tells him, "We've been showing some unusual purchases on your card. We think it's been stolen."

The man says, "Yeah, it was stolen three months ago."

The credit card company says, "Three months ago? Why didn't you report it?"

The man says, "Because the thief is spending less than my wife did."

---

A Mercedes is driving down the road over the speed limit when a police car starts flashing its lights at him.

To the police officer's surprise, the Mercedes speeds up. A high-speed chase follows for a half-hour until the Mercedes finally pulls over and stops.

The police officer comes up to the Mercedes where the driver wipes sweat from his forehead as he says,

"I'm sorry, officer. It's just that my wife left me for a cop last week."

The police officer nodded in sympathy. "Oh, that making you feel a bit hostile towards cops lately?"

"No," the driver says, "I was afraid you were him, and you were trying to give her back."

In case you ever read this, just kidding, honey! Love you. Now make me a sammich...

A Dramatic Reading of a Dramatic Game Review [Video]

[Via YouTube]

A Simple Explanation of SOPA's Dangers [Video]

The Wikipedia/Internet Blackout of 2011 was one of the most effective grassroots PR campaigns I've seen in recent memory. A lot of people have been complaining and trying to raise awareness of the looming danger of the SOPA and ProtectIP bills, but it was mainly an issue among nerds and public watchdog groups. But when Wikipedia and Google blacked out their sites, that reached the mainstream. When my wife asked me what SOPA was, I knew a historic moment had been reached. But then came a new problem; explaining what all the fuss was about. It's easy to get into a lot of Internet jargon and tech crap, but this video does an awesome job of explaining the problem and it's implications. It does more in minutes than I could ever do in an hour.

UPDATE: Included the actual video so you can actually watch it

The Motivations of Movie Serial Killers vs. Real Serial Killers

UPDATE: Okay, here's the deal. In movies and television, serial killers always have some complex and detailed explanation for why they do what they do. The detectives will study the crimes and say, "Okay, so the killer kidnaps women, blindfolds them, and ties scales onto their hands, because he's a lawyer and the women he kills represent the figure of Justice, a figure he used to see every day outside his window when he was three years old. And he's killing women who have escaped justice in his mind, so he's trying to balance the scales." In real life, there's only one reason serial killers do what they do: they get off on it. That goes for every serial killer they've ever caught from the Son of Sam to Ed Gein.

The Alphabet According to 1980's Movies

I feel old because...

Health Risks Don't Stop Americans

If there's a greater commentary on the way Americans regard food, I don't know of one better than this…the Burger King a few blocks away from where we live was cited by the Department of Health. There was a big sign on the front door and on the drive-thru window stating that the Burger King had failed a health inspection a few weeks earlier. Now I immediately went to the Internet to check, and it turns out the BK just placed some cleaning bottles near the refrigerator, but I didn't feel comfortable eating there. However, I couldn't help noticing that the BK was doing a brisk business. The fact that customers were not deterred in any way by a huge sign stating that the restaurant had failed a health inspection seemed to me the essence of how little America cares about food. I doubt that many of them took the time to check the results. It could have meant anything from cleaning bottles in the wrong place up to and including rats swimming in the soda, but they didn't care. If this was a Burger King in France or Germany, this might have shut down the restaurant for good. In America, it's just a speed bump that Americans happily jump over to stuff their faces. Sad.

Still love the Whopper, though.

Bus drivers, drop the attitude

So there's two buses that run along the corner of Chandler and Ray. One is the 72, which turns north on Ray. I take the 156, which keeps going on Chandler.

So the other day, I see the 72 and to my surprise, it pulls up to the Chandler bus stop. I think maybe it has the wrong sign, so I ask the driver, "Is this the 156?"

The driver says, "No, see the sign" with the word "idiot" clearly left unspoken but intended.

That kind of irritates me, but I can't let it go, so I ask, "Don't you normally turn off on Rural?"

The driver says, with the same bored "you're a moron" tone, "Rural is up there."

So I look up at the sign behind him reading, "Rural Road," and weigh my options. Clearly the driver missed his turn and didn’t notice. I could help him out by pointing out his mistake and getting him to turn around. Which I would have, if he hadn't been such a jerk.

So I just said, "OK," and watched him drive off.

My satisfaction when five minutes later, I see his bus roaring back down Chandler and screeching around the corner back onto Rural cannot be overstated.

9 Catfights That Geeks Love

Ah, the catfight. Usually the term means a fight between two women that's distinctly titillating. That's not what this list is about. Well, not really. There have been some really awesome fights in sci-fi movies and TV shows that just happen to involve two women. Here are nine...and while there may be some kinda sexy moments in them, that's entirely not the point. At all.

What the lead singer of Jane's Addiction Looks Like

Steve Jobs vs. Dennis Ritchie

[From Memebase]
Don't know who the guy on the right, Dennis Ritchie, is? Exactly.

5 Best "Yo Dawg" Meme Pictures

The "Yo Dawg" meme began with this pic, based on the ridiculous stuff Xzibit used to put into cars on MTV's Pimp My Ride...

And then it got better...

 And better...

And better...

And then Xzibit got mad...

KIDSTALK: Dora Has a Freakishly Enormous Head

Okay, here's the deal. I always knew that Dora the Explorer had a big head, but never thought anything of it because of artistic style. It only became painfully and disturbingly obvious when I saw her on a guest appearance on her - cousin, brother, boyfriend, never paid enough attention to the show to figure that out - Diego's show. That painfully illustrates that not everyone in Dora and Diego's world have such huge heads. The reality is that Dora is a horrible mutant who in the real-world would be in a circus freak show. Either that or splitting atoms in a quantum physics lab, because she has a brain the size of a watermelon.

Captcha of the Future [Pic]

Supermodel Kate Upton Does the Dougie

Epic Rap Battles of History: Easter Bunny vs. Genghis Khan

There's No Such Thing As "Wired Wi-Fi"

I was at a hotel that had this sign, and thought, "Awesome! Free Wi-Fi!" So I fired up my smartphone, but couldn't find the Wi-Fi signal. When I called the front desk, they informed me the Wi-Fi was only available on an Ethernet-enabled computer. I went back to the sign and read it more closely to find it was "Wi-Fi wired" access.

I thought I'd perform a public service and inform the Four Points Sheraton, AT&T, and anyone else who might be planning this kind of crap that there's no such thing as "wired Wi-Fi." Apparently no one told AT&T that "Wi-Fi" is certified as a wireless Internet connection. In fact, "Wi-Fi" stands for "wireless fidelity*." The idea of an Ethernet connection being called "wired Wi-Fi" is like calling radio a "picture-less movie." It doesn't make sense.

* To all the nerds out there, I'm aware that Wi-Fi started as a meaningless pun intended to remind us of "hi-fi," but the fact is that even the Wi-Fi Alliance refers to it as meaning "wireless fidelity."

KID TALK: The Man in the Yellow Hat is a Banana

I have two toddlers, so I watch a lot of kids' TV. Some of it just flies right over my head. Others actually trigger thoughts and analysis that I know are way too deep for childrens' television. I feel compelled to share. Today, let's talk about Curious George.

 I've seen Curious George in movies, TV shows, and books for decades, and it just occurred to me last month that the Man in the Yellow Hat looks like a banana. No wonder Curious George hangs out with him. To George, the Man in the Yellow Hat is like a gigantic, talking, walking banana. Kind of changes the whole nature of their relationship. Now I imagine an episode of Curious George where the Man in the Yellow Hat slips in the bathtub and breaks his neck and dies. Then Curious George seizes the chance he's been waiting for and eats him. Then Curious George gets a taste for human blood and goes on a rampage. And the police come and shoot him to death in a furious gun battle.

Yeah, that's the kind of thing I think about when I watch my kids' shows.

No, Google, *You're* Too Slow!

I'm on a dial-up ISP (yeah, yeah), and I get this message every time I go onto Google Images:

You are seeing the basic version because we think your Internet connection is slow - Switch to standard version

To me, it seems a little confrontational. It sounds like, "You are seeing the basic version because your Internet connection sucks. Get a new ISP, loser. Or switch to standard version, and prove us wrong, and we'll apologize." Okay, maybe I'm reading too much into it, but still...Google, mind your own business.

Google is Watching You...Like You Asked Them To

I don't understand the uproar over the fact that Google Android phones collect location data. I'm not saying it's right that they're doing it, but it's not like Google made any secret of it. I've had to do the initial setup on quite a few Android phones and whenever I'm setting up my phone for the first time, I have this option pop up:

"Allow Google's location service to collect anonymous location data. Collection will occur even when no applications are running."

You have to have a check in the box next to it in order to use any of Google's navigation services. So what's the problem? Is nobody reading these things? If you didn't want it to happen, you shouldn't have checked the box.

The Eyes Have It: Amanda Seyfried vs. Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift should borrow some eye from Amanda Seyfried, because she's got some to spare. Taylor Swift has the smallest eyes in Hollywood and Amanda Seyfried has the biggest.