Monkey Migraine Mountain

A Simple Explanation of SOPA's Dangers [Video]

2012-01-31T12:08:00.000-07:00

The Wikipedia/Internet Blackout of 2011 was one of the most effective grassroots PR campaigns I've seen in recent memory. A lot of people have been complaining and trying to raise awareness of the looming danger of the SOPA and ProtectIP bills, but it was mainly an issue among nerds and public watchdog groups. But when Wikipedia and Google blacked out their sites, that reached the mainstream.

The Motivations of Movie Serial Killers vs. Real Serial Killers

2012-01-24T10:07:00.002-07:00

The Alphabet According to 1980's Movies

2012-01-02T18:35:00.001-07:00

I feel old because...

2011-12-31T21:56:00.002-07:00

Health Risks Don't Stop Americans

2011-12-26T10:44:00.000-07:00

If there's a greater commentary on the way Americans regard food, I don't know of one better than this…the Burger King a few blocks away from where we live was cited by the Department of Health. There was a big sign on the front door and on the drive-thru window stating that the Burger King had failed a health inspection a few weeks earlier. Now I immediately went to the Internet to check, and it

Bus drivers, drop the attitude

2011-11-28T11:41:00.001-07:00

So there's two buses that run along the corner of Chandler and Ray. One is the 72, which turns north on Ray. I take the 156, which keeps going on Chandler. So the other day, I see the 72 and to my surprise, it pulls up to the Chandler bus stop. I think maybe it has the wrong sign, so I ask the driver, "Is this the 156?" The driver says, "No, see the sign" with the word "idiot" clearly left

9 Catfights That Geeks Love

2011-10-18T18:06:00.001-07:00

Ah, the catfight. Usually the term means a fight between two women that's distinctly titillating. That's not what this list is about. Well, not really. There have been some really awesome fights in sci-fi movies and TV shows that just happen to involve two women. Here are nine...and while there may be some kinda sexy moments in them, that's entirely not the point. At all. 9. Xena vs. Varia (Xena

I Hate Wolverine's Bone Claws, Too

2011-10-18T12:24:00.000-07:00

Now that the Wolverine movie is out, it's time to visit one of my many sore spots over the current state of comic book characters. I haven't followed comics regularly in over ten years, so I was unaware until recently that they had established that Wolverine's claws weren't added in the Weapon X procedure. He was born with bone claws. Weapon X just put adamantium over them. This, to me, makes

LOST Creator Explains the Numbers...Just Not On the Show

2011-10-18T12:22:00.002-07:00

Having faithfully watched four seasons of Lost to find the answer to the reason behind the Numbers, imagine my surprise when it turns out it was revealed at a comic book con instead. There, Damon Lindelof said: "Here's the story with [the] numbers. The Hanso Foundation that started the Dharma Initiative hired this guy Valenzetti to basically work on this equation to determine what was the

10 Things You Didn't Know About Star Trek's "Mirror, Mirror" [Infographic]

2011-10-18T11:39:00.005-07:00

If you're a Star Trek fan, you've probably seen the episode "Mirror, Mirror" a thousand times, but there are a few details you probably didn't know. Check out this new infographic, based on our recent post, "10 Things You Didn't Know About Star Trek's Mirror, Mirror." Some facts have been replaced or condensed to protect the innocent. What did you think of the infographic? Any other

10 Dumbest Hulk Vehicle Toys [List]

2011-10-18T11:30:00.006-07:00

I know the toy industry makes a lot of money on vehicles, but there are some superheroes who just don't need one. Spiderman, Superman, and Iron Man are some good examples. But of all of them, I think the most ridiculous superhero for a vehicle is the Hulk. Not just because he can jump for miles, but because the idea of the Hulk sitting behind the controls of any vehicle defies logic. Here are the

10 Weird Facts About "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" [Literature]

2011-10-18T11:21:00.008-07:00

On October 12, 1979, the first edition of the classic sci-fi comedy The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy novel was published. In honor of the occasion, here are ten weird but true facts about the novel and the series it spawned. 1. The Hitchhiker's Guide Has Conquered Almost Every Medium - The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy was originally written as a radio comedy, from which Adams adapted

What the lead singer of Jane's Addiction Looks Like

2011-10-17T09:38:00.000-07:00

Steve Jobs vs. Dennis Ritchie

2011-10-17T09:33:00.000-07:00

[From Memebase] Don't know who the guy on the right, Dennis Ritchie, is? Exactly.

5 Best "Yo Dawg" Meme Pictures

2011-09-05T22:11:00.000-07:00

The "Yo Dawg" meme began with this pic, based on the ridiculous stuff Xzibit used to put into cars on MTV's Pimp My Ride... And then it got better... And better... And better... And then Xzibit got mad...

KIDSTALK: Dora Has a Freakishly Enormous Head

2011-08-11T09:24:00.000-07:00

Okay, here's the deal. I always knew that Dora the Explorer had a big head, but never thought anything of it because of artistic style. It only became painfully and disturbingly obvious when I saw her on a guest appearance on her - cousin, brother, boyfriend, never paid enough attention to the show to figure that out - Diego's show. That painfully illustrates that not everyone in Dora and Diego's

Captcha of the Future [Pic]

2011-08-10T09:42:00.000-07:00

Supermodel Kate Upton Does the Dougie

2011-08-05T10:25:00.002-07:00

Epic Rap Battles of History: Easter Bunny vs. Genghis Khan

2011-07-15T15:18:00.002-07:00

There's No Such Thing As "Wired Wi-Fi"

2011-07-10T19:58:00.000-07:00

I was at a hotel that had this sign, and thought, "Awesome! Free Wi-Fi!" So I fired up my smartphone, but couldn't find the Wi-Fi signal. When I called the front desk, they informed me the Wi-Fi was only available on an Ethernet-enabled computer. I went back to the sign and read it more closely to find it was "Wi-Fi wired" access. I thought I'd perform a public service and inform the Four Points

KID TALK: The Man in the Yellow Hat is a Banana

2011-06-14T12:32:00.000-07:00

I have two toddlers, so I watch a lot of kids' TV. Some of it just flies right over my head. Others actually trigger thoughts and analysis that I know are way too deep for childrens' television. I feel compelled to share. Today, let's talk about Curious George. I've seen Curious George in movies, TV shows, and books for decades, and it just occurred to me last month that the Man in the Yellow

No, Google, You're Too Slow!

2011-06-13T11:00:00.000-07:00

I'm on a dial-up ISP (yeah, yeah), and I get this message every time I go onto Google Images: You are seeing the basic version because we think your Internet connection is slow - Switch to standard versionTo me, it seems a little confrontational. It sounds like, "You are seeing the basic version because your Internet connection sucks. Get a new ISP, loser. Or switch to standard version, and

Google is Watching You...Like You Asked Them To

2011-05-20T08:44:00.000-07:00

I don't understand the uproar over the fact that Google Android phones collect location data. I'm not saying it's right that they're doing it, but it's not like Google made any secret of it. I've had to do the initial setup on quite a few Android phones and whenever I'm setting up my phone for the first time, I have this option pop up: "Allow Google's location service to collect anonymous

The Eyes Have It: Amanda Seyfried vs. Taylor Swift

2011-03-17T09:29:00.003-07:00

Taylor Swift should borrow some eye from Amanda Seyfried, because she's got some to spare. Taylor Swift has the smallest eyes in Hollywood and Amanda Seyfried has the biggest.

Happy Demolition Day 2011!

2011-02-22T07:38:00.001-07:00

Happy Demolition Day, 2011! BOOM! Video courtesy of YouTube and Controlled Demolition, Inc.

Demolition Day is coming

2011-02-15T15:32:00.002-07:00

It's been a while since we mentioned it, but it's time to recover the tradition of Demolition Day. It's coming... get ready. Boom! For more info, go here

Ads on Android's Angry Birds Are Annoying

2011-02-13T12:11:00.001-07:00

Right now, Angry Birds is doing extremely well on the Android platform, but I have a proposal. I want Rovio Mobile to make a paid version of the Angry Birds Android game. I know what you're thinking, "Is this guy crazy? He actually wants to pay money for a game he can get for free?" The answers are no and yes. The reason is that Angry Birds has the intrusive advertising I've ever seen on an

R.I.P. Leslie Nielsen

2010-11-29T14:24:00.001-07:00

"I just wanted to say good luck. We're all counting on you." -Leslie Nielsen in Airplane (1980)Rest in Peace

Calvin Minus Hobbes 2.0

2010-10-12T10:21:00.002-07:00

The beloved comic strip Calvin and Hobbes portrayed the relationship between a young boy and a tiger. Readers hailed the love of their magical friendship But what if Hobbes really was just a stuffed tiger? What if his relationship was all in his imagination? What if Calvin was on the edge of madness? The original controversial series Calvin Minus Hobbes showed us by simply replacing Hobbes in

Fun in a Call Center: Worker's Con

2010-09-24T21:45:00.003-07:00

I think I would like to work in the worker's comp department. I find those insurance claims so interesting, especially when you get into questions about the authenticity of the claim. Sometimes I go back and read the follow-up notes on claims I've entered. I read one claim where the driver claims he was robbed in Texas and hit in the neck, but his movement shows he wasn't in Texas on the day he

Fun in a Call Center: You Might Be a Redneck

2010-07-28T10:30:00.002-07:00

One time, I took an insurance claim from a trucker who had driven off the road. The trucker said the last thing he remembered before the crash had been listening to a Jeff Foxworthy CD. Well, after talking to the doctors about what had happened, the doctors think that he laughed so hard that he blacked out. If you're driving a truck and listening to a Jeff Foxworthy CD and laugh so hard that you

The Best of the Worst Reviews for Microsoft's Kin Phone

2010-07-01T21:32:00.006-07:00

If the HTC DROID Incredible is the biggest hit of the year for Verizon, then the Microsoft Kin is definitely its biggest flop. The decision to stop production for the Kin a mere forty-eight days after it was launched allows us the chance to look back at its failure. The failure of the Kin isn't really a surprise to everyone. Here are the top ten best lines from the worst reviews:"...the idea of

Quote of the Week: Holy Crap

2010-06-13T07:43:00.003-07:00

Dru of Cream of the Comics commenting on Marvel Adventures: The Avengers #9:"Holy. Crap. Look at that cover, man."

Uncrustables: The Longest Distance Between You and PB&J

2010-04-12T18:19:00.004-07:00

I thought the idea behind it is that some people (kids, mostly) don't like crusts on their PB&J sandwiches. They hate it so much that they can't even stand the thought of crust ever existing on their sandwich. For them, they created Uncrustables, which have no crust whatsoever. In fact, they don't really have edges. They're sort of pouches made from white bread with peanut butter and jelly sealed

KidsTalk: Miss Rosa is Sexy

2010-03-29T10:12:00.008-07:00

This is the start of what may turn out to be a series. Here's the deal: I have two toddlers, so I watch a lot of kids' TV. Some of it just flies right over my head. Others actually trigger thoughts and analysis that I know are way too deep for childrens' television. I feel compelled to share. Today, let's talk about Miss Rosa.I make my kids watch a lot of TV on PBS, because it's educational. Over

Quote of the Week: Why Rihanna is the Best Girlfriend Ever

2010-01-25T06:47:00.004-07:00

R&B singer Rihanna on why she took naked pictures with her cell phone that were later leaked onto the Internet:"If you don't send your boyfriend naked pictures, then I feel bad for him."

Lindsay Lohan: Unemployable

2010-01-21T21:30:00.005-07:00

The child star whose career collapses once he or she reaches childhood is so common that it's become a Hollywood stereotype. However, one person has taken that failure to a whole new level: Lindsay Lohan. Sure, she's strung out on drugs and alcohol, but we've seen that before. Sure, she's known more for partying in clubs than acting, but we've also seen that before. Even the fact that she hasn't

Quote of the Week: Good Luck, Nolan

2010-01-12T08:38:00.002-07:00

John Del Signore on the promotion for The Dark Knight - Gothamist.com:Unfortunately for them, The Dark Knight opens the same weekend as the hotly anticipated Space Chimps, so, you know, good luck, Nolan!

Jokebook: Computer Gender

2009-11-18T17:21:00.000-07:00

When the computer came to Mexico, they had to figure out what gender to refer it to: as “la computadora” (feminine) or “el computador” (masculine).One group decided that "computer" should be feminine because:1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to

"1, 2, 3, 4" is My New Favorite Song

2009-11-10T20:20:00.007-07:00

My fascination with the song "1234" started when I was watching Sesame Street (gimme a break, I have two toddlers), and a woman came out and immediately captured my attention. I didn't recognize her, but the way they shot her segment made me think she was "somebody," like I was supposed to recognize her. She came out, smiling and beckoning sweetly, and began to sing [Youtube]. The song she sang

Quote of the Week: The Box

2009-11-06T08:50:00.001-07:00

Arcturan on the terrible review given to the movie The Box by Scifi Wire:So, as bad as it is, when can we expect it to be prominently featured on SyFy along with the other high quality movies?

Alfred E. DVD: MadTV's Second Season DVD

2009-11-03T22:34:00.003-07:00

I loved MadTV. Always would choose MadTV over Saturday Night Live, any day. I thought it was consistently funnier and more original than SNL from beginning to end. I also wondered why it never got any love. There were no movies with MadTV alumni. No one was walking around quoting or wearing T-shirts that said "He look-a like-a man." Bottom line? MadTV never got any respect. The absolute proof is

Jokebook: Price of Admission

2009-10-26T14:20:00.000-07:00

It’s the first day for a fraternity, and the dean is explaining the rules to the new pledges. He sternly advises them, “And I must warn you of the curfew for this semester. If I catch any of you in the women’s dorms past eight o'clock at night, it’s fifty dollars for the first time, a hundred dollars for the second time, and five hundred dollars for the third time.”One pledge raises his hand and

Quote of the Week: Hard Questions

2009-10-21T08:04:00.002-07:00

Jenna on EW's article "Kate Gosselin Probably Can't Answer These Questions":Will your millions be worth it once your children stop talking to you?

Drag Race: Caster Semenya's Gender Controversy

2009-10-11T09:22:00.007-07:00

Back in the 1960's, controversies in women's sports caused them to introduce mandatory gender tests in the Olympics. It was based on the idea that some of the female athletes were doing so well that they might be men in disguise. It has long been considered a barbaric, humiliating, and sexist practice that was ended in the mid-nineties. I agreed...until I stumbled across the story of Caster

Jokebook: So Fast

2009-08-21T05:01:00.000-07:00

A turtle goes up to a cop, and says, "Officer, I was just mugged by two snails."The cop says, "All right, what did they look like?"The turtle says, "I’m not sure. It all happened so fast."

Quote of the Week: Most Unintelligible

2009-08-10T15:13:00.000-07:00

Lloyd Levin, co-producer of “Watchmen,” on Fox studio’s decision to initially turn down the movie proposal:An internal Fox email documents that executives there felt the script was one ofthe most unintelligible pieces of s*** they had read in years.

TV-B-Gone

2009-08-08T07:26:00.001-07:00

I read an interview on PBS.org with a guy who invented something called TV-B-Gone. It's basically a universal remote that can shut down any TV in the area. My first reaction was why would you want to do that? Then I read it's for turning off those ubiquitous TVs you find in public places. I started looking around at all the televisions that surround us. There's a TV in the break room here at my

Movie Rules: Condemned to Death

2009-07-31T11:39:00.002-07:00

Movie Rule #819: Condemned prisoners will do anything.Whenever there’s something crazy, violent, illegal, and potentially lethal to be done in movies, condemned prisoners are the ones to do it. They can get death row inmates to agree to fight a suicide mission, participate in lethal combat on a desert island or in weaponized cars, let their brains be controlled, or anything else. I know death

Quote of the Week: Pro-Adoption Message

2009-07-18T15:46:00.004-07:00

Gabe on the "pro-adoption" message that will be added to the DVD of the horror movie "Orphan": At the end of the movie, the camera pulls back from Esther's foster parents' dead bodies, and written on the kitchen floor in their pooling blood it says "ADOPT TODAYYYYY!"

Quote of the Week: You Can't Handle the Truth

2009-07-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

"[If] we've reached the point where truth--THE truth, the brutal, honest, painful truth--is to be avoided during these so-called interviews (more rightly understood for what they are--an interrogation)--if we've reached that point, and we have, then we're all pretty well screwed because we've all agreed we're going to pass ourselves off as Mr. Happy Team Player Who Lives Only To Serve The Great

Fun in a Call Center: By Any Other Name

2009-07-13T09:57:00.001-07:00

You know one of the most annoying call openings I get? Here it is.ME: Hi, my name is [Monkey Migraine]. Can I get the ID number, please?MRS. JOHNSON: This is Mrs. Johnson in Fort Lauderdale. Where’s my Yoyodyne?How am I supposed to know where your Yoyodyne is, you old bat? You think there’s just one Mrs. Johnson in our system? There’s thousands of them. Oh, you told me you’re in Fort Lauderdale.

Michael Jackson: Good Riddance

2009-07-11T12:30:00.000-07:00

Michael Jackson died a few weeks ago. To me, it was an interesting footnote, but I didn’t really care. I was more upset about Farrah Fawcett dying. But I was amazed to see the outpouring of love towards him in the days that followed. Amazed, because it seems completely misplaced. I know people are respectful of the dead, but we can’t ignore the truth: Michael Jackson was a horrible person. He

Quote of the Week: All-You-Can-Eat

2009-06-27T12:15:00.002-07:00

“You are paying for the caliber of the dining experience not to have a contest to see how expensive you can make it for the resturant to serve you.”- I Foody, posted on a metafilter thread about all-you-can-eat restaurants.

Newswire: Farrah Fawcett's Coffin To Feature Erect Nipples

2009-06-26T13:57:00.002-07:00

This just in from the New Yuk Times: Farrah Fawcett's Coffin To Feature Erect Nipples

The Poster Child For Interracial Marriage: Seal and Heidi Klum

2009-06-20T14:46:00.001-07:00

I think, if there was a foundation for interracial marriages between African-Americans and Caucasians, Seal and Heidi Klum would be the spokescouple. Because I can’t think of a blacker man than Seal or a whiter woman than Heidi Klum. Unless you paired up Desmond Tutu and Paris Hilton. Okay, I can come up with a more mismatched couple, but really they’re unlikely to happen. Whenever I see a photo

List of the Week: Action Heroes Named "John"

2009-06-16T15:11:00.001-07:00

It's a tradition in movies to give action heroes the first name "John." Here are some of the most famous examples.John McLane – Die HardJohn Rambo – First BloodJohn Shaft – ShaftJohn Connor – Terminator 3

News Nuggets

2009-06-15T12:00:00.001-07:00

NATIONALThe transition from analog to digital television was achieved successfully. However, more than two million households in the United States were unready for the transition to digital television. In other news, more than two million households in the United States are full of idiots.INTERNATIONALAn Air France jet crashed into the Atlantic. Experts believe the airplane crashed when it

Adwatch: Freecreditreport.com

2009-06-03T09:50:00.001-07:00

First of all, let me say that I like freecreditreport.com's commercials. They're funny and the music is catchy. But they make no sense. Let's review a couple. In this one, the guy sings about how he should've checked his credit report before he went to the dealer to buy a car. Because he didn't know his credit was "whack", he was forced to buy a lousy car instead of the cool one he wanted. But

Definitely Not A Jew

2009-05-30T06:08:00.003-07:00

Radio host Adam Carolla has a theory that Jews don't commit stupid crimes or do stupid stuff. In memory of his old radio show, I've created a blog to provide proof of his theory: Definitely Not A Jew

Adwatch: Knee Replacement

2009-05-30T06:06:00.001-07:00

I heard a commercial for a knee replacement implant, which seems odd. It was by Johnny Bench, all about how a new smaller knee replacement is perfect for older women, and to talk to your doctor. I thought knee replacements were based on need. Sounded like a commercial for a new car. "Get rid of that old broken down knee, and get a brand-new 2009 model! Now offering cash back and dealer incentives

Jokebook: Last Words

2009-05-25T09:43:00.000-07:00

Three guys die in a car crash. At the pearly gates, the angel says, “I’m sorry, gentlemen. You were taken before your time. We can’t send you back, but we’ll give you one last request. You can have your family and friends say anything you want at your funeral, and it will become true. What do you want it to be?”One guy says, “I want them to say that I was a very successful stock broker with lots

Video: Weekend Plans

2009-05-24T15:05:00.000-07:00

Weekend Plans - watch more funny videos

Fun in a Call Center: English Lessons

2009-05-16T07:10:00.002-07:00

ME: How can I help you today?MRS. REDNECK: Okay, I need you to get me over to somebody who’s in the Continental US who speaks English right now.ME: Ma’am, I speak English. I’m in Tempe, Arizona.MRS. REDNECK: Well, I can’t understand you. I can’t understand your accent.MR. REDNECK: [background] What’s goin’ on?MRS. REDNECK: [whisper] He says he’s in Tempe, Arizona.MR. REDNECK: [background] Well,

Jokebook: Cat's on the Roof

2009-05-11T09:47:00.000-07:00

A woman’s on vacation and calls home to her husband. She asks, "How’s my cat doing?"The husband says, "The cat’s dead."The woman’s upset and says, "Well, you could have broken the news to me when I got home. I can’t enjoy my vacation now. You could’ve just said a little white lie, like the cat’s on the roof and you can’t get her down.""Okay, I’m sorry," says the husband, "I’ll remember that."The

Quote of the Week: Beaver Control

2009-05-10T09:52:00.002-07:00

"I'm very disappointed it wasn't done carefully. Anybody who works in beaver control should know better."- Government official upset after a beaver dam's removal flooded a nearby golf course.

Movie Rules: Going Nuclear

2009-04-27T06:50:00.003-07:00

Movie Rule #245: Nuclear bombs fix everythingExamples: The Core, ArmageddonYou ever notice how, in movies, nuclear bombs are the solution to every disaster? There’s an asteroid heading towards Earth? Throw a nuclear bomb on it. The Earth’s core stopped spinning? Stick a nuclear bomb in it. Aliens invading Earth? Fire a nuclear bomb at them. Somehow, a well-placed nuclear bomb will cure whatever

Newswire: Scientists Create Flame-Retarded Material

2009-04-25T12:40:00.002-07:00

This just in from the New Yuk Times: Scientists Create Flame-Retarded Material

Fatman: The Blob's Superpowers

2009-04-15T11:50:00.004-07:00

I recently showed the trailer for X-Men Origins: Wolverine to my wife, and was explaining the different characters that seemed to be shown in it. Most obvious to me (besides Gambit and Sabretooth) was the big fat guy, that I assume is the Blob. I described him as being the opposite of Juggernaut; once he sets himself down, he can't be moved. He's also super-strong and his fat makes him really

Bonadouchebag: Danny Bonaduce Lies About His Father

2009-04-14T13:12:00.003-07:00

A story Danny Bonaduce told frequently on the air is that his father died on his birthday. The day he died, Danny said he was doing his radio show and was told off-air and said, "Huh, he finally got me something for my birthday," then went back to work. I thought the story told a lot about his relationship with his father, and also his own personality. So imagine my shock when I discovered the

Fun in a Call Center: Happy Birthday

2009-04-07T05:04:00.001-07:00

I had a call from an old woman who had a really hard time understanding me. I mean, when I asked for her name, she gave me her address. I ended the call this way:ME: Anything else I can help you with?MRS. MAGOO: No.ME: Thanks for calling. You have a nice day.[Mrs. Magoo forgets to hang up and I can still hear her]MRS. MAGOO:He said "Happy birthday."MR. MAGOO: He said "happy birthday?"MRS. MAGOO:

Nuking the Fridge: The new "Jump the Shark"

2009-03-14T15:45:00.007-07:00

**SPOILER ALERT** I thought the scene in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull where he escapes the nuclear blast was incredible. I mean, at that moment when I realized he was in a nuclear test site and there was no way out, I thought he was dead meat. And then he escaped in a fridge. I thought "wow." But it turns out that scene was so controversial that it coined a new term: “

Worst Movie Career Ever: Aaron Eckhart's Bad Judgment

2009-03-14T09:12:00.002-07:00

Aaron Eckhart is a good-looking guy, he's got strong screen presence, he's a good actor, but he's nowhere near where he should be. That's because, in my opinion, he has the worst judgment on choosing movie roles of anyone in Hollywood.His first breakout role was as Chad in In the Company of Men, a movie role so reviled by women that he gets nothing but grief for it. In an interview on Fresh Air,

Jokebook: Route 66

2008-12-27T08:57:00.000-07:00

A cop's on the highway when he sees a car that's going 22 miles an hour. So he turns on his lights and pulls it over. Inside the car are four old ladies, all looking pale and trembling. The driver manages to look up at the cop and says, "What's wrong, officer? I was doing the speed limit. I swear."The cop says, "Actually, you were going under the speed limit. Going too slow on the highway is

Quote of the Week: Ninja Products

2008-12-23T15:07:00.002-07:00

"I, too, am looking for more ninja based products. More specifically I was wondering if there was a ninja based operating system of some kind."- Seraph on the topic of a ninja-based MMORG

Flashback Friday: The New Adventures of Beans Baxter

2008-12-12T01:24:00.003-07:00

Let's be clear: Spy Kids was a great movie. The idea of little kids becoming super-cool super-spies tapped into the wish-fulfillment of every kid who saw James Bond, and even those who didn't. But in all the accolades that Spy Kids received, it's forgotten that there was a show that plumbed the underage secret agent fantasy long before it. I had almost forgotten this show, too, so much so that I

Fun in a Call Center: That's My Bush

2008-11-16T10:45:00.000-07:00

After advising the patient that there was an error on her prescription...ME: Sorry about that.HILLARY: Oh, that's okay. It's not your fault. I don't know whose fault it is. Let's say it's Bush's fault. That's it. It's Bush's fault. D**n Bush!

11 Things Women Shouldn't Find Sexy But Do

2008-11-15T11:19:00.002-07:00

There's a list of things guys shouldn't find sexy but do. But where's the list of things women shouldn't find sexy but do? Here's a start... criminals guys who ignore them sports carsmusicians guys with long hair the Hulk doctors billionaires sweat Sean Connery construction workers

New Yuk Times: The Yes Men's Fake New York Times

2008-11-13T14:54:00.002-07:00

Almost everybody knows the Onion, a satirical news website that features parodies of news. But the Yes Men have taken satirical news to a whole new level. In order to promote the ideals of liberal reform, they created a fictional version of the New York Times set on July 4th, 2009. Not only did they create an entire website that reads like a Democrat's fantasy utopia, but they also printed and

Jokebook: Moth Man

2008-11-04T11:56:00.000-07:00

A guy walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I think I'm a moth."The doctor says, "Well, I'm a doctor. It sounds like you need to see a psychiatrist."The guy says, "Well, I was on my way to a psychiatrist, but I saw your light was on."

Flashback Friday: Six Million Dollar Man Action Figure

2008-10-10T08:18:00.006-07:00

I loved the Six Million Dollar Man. I couldn't count how many times I ran around my house in slow motion, going "na-na-na-na-na." I remember the day I went to class and there was a kid with the Six Million Dollar Man action figure. That kid was the proverbial Man that day. The one thing I remember most is how the figure had a hole in the back of the head that you could look through, and see

Ancient Japanese Secret: Fix the problem's origins

2008-10-07T06:52:00.002-07:00

"Fix the problem, not the blame." I read this "Japanese proverb" in Michael Crichton's Rising Sun as an example of how much more advanced Japanese philosophies are over Americans. The idea is that, when a problem comes up, the Americans spend time arguing over who's at fault while the Japanese just focus on the solution. I recently decided to post it here as a quote and did a search to find out

Flashback Friday: B.A.T.

2008-09-12T09:48:00.002-07:00

When I think back to some really cool games I've played, I often go back to "B.A.T." That's short for "Bureau of Astral Troubleshooters." It was an adventure game with a huge scope of things to see and do, set in a gritty, futuristic world. What I remember most is the movie-like opening with a great theme song and the title spinning into place, something that's commonplace for today but very

Fun in a Call Center: Mechanically Inclined

2008-09-11T08:09:00.000-07:00

ME: Are you calling for yourself or someone else?MRS BITTER: My husband.ME: Does he have an email address he'd like us to keep on file?MRS BITTER: No. He can't even operate a telephone.Something tells me that marriage is a wee bit strained.

Quote of the Week: Doobie Physics

2008-09-02T05:29:00.001-07:00

Chris Taylor: Here's the problem -- although your theory no doubt sounds quite wonderful to you in words when you spark up a doob and run it through your mind, if you actually had bothered to get enough of an education to translate it into actual math that could be used to make predictions about the physical world which could be experimentally verified you would quickly find that it doesn't.-

The Joker's on You: Nicholson Mad About New Batman Movie

2008-08-31T11:16:00.001-07:00

I think almost everyone would agree that Heath Ledger did an incredible job as the Joker in the new Batman Movie, The Dark Knight. But there's at least one person unhappy - Jack Nicholson. Nicholson is mad because he wasn't asked to come back to play the Joker in The Dark Knight. I have sympathy for him because that was an iconic performance, which is now essentially replaced by Heath Ledger's.

Quote of the Week: What's Happening!!

2008-08-30T07:37:00.001-07:00

A look at urban black life that manages to capture the offensiveness of Amos and Andy while avoiding that program's fun.- TV Guide's Review of What's Happening[The idea for this feature was blatantly stolen from Maurice's Blog]

Flashback Friday: Caveman Ugh-Lympics

2008-08-29T10:14:00.000-07:00

In honor of the 2008 Beijing Olympics, let's talk about a glorious old game, Caveman Ugh-lympics. The title is pretty much self-explanatory - it's the Olympics set in the caveman era, Summer Olympics meets the Flintstones. That being said, it was very clever. Like instead of just running, you have to run from a saber-toothed tiger. And instead of just doing a pole vault, you have to vault over

Whatever Knows Fear: The Problem With Man-Thing

2008-08-26T04:49:00.002-07:00

I first encountered Man-Thing in the Official Handbook to the Marvel Universe. The image of Man-Thing lurching towards me on the page will forever be my image of Man-Thing. I loved him before I ever saw his comic, and was massively disappointed when I read the actual stories.I think that he's a better character functionally than Swamp Thing. He's also scarier - the tentacles on his face and the

Leapfraud: Amazing Ballgirl Catch

2008-08-06T07:54:00.000-07:00

There's an amazing video of a ball girl who makes a pro baseball player look stupid by catching a runaway ball.

Movie Rules - Speaking in Tongues

2008-07-27T12:47:00.001-07:00

Rule #56: Non-English speakers will speak English with heavy accents, even in their native country.Examples: Hunt for Red October, Hotel RwandaYou ever notice how people in American movies almost always speak English, even if they're not English speakers? They cut to a nuclear bunker in Russia full of Russians speaking to other Russians, and what are they speaking? English. But they do it with an

If the USS Enterprise Had Realistic Voice Recognition

2008-07-22T09:29:00.005-07:00

PICARD: Computer.COMPUTER: [chirp] Welcome to the USS Enterprise Voice Recognition System. If you know the extension of the person you'd like to call, please say it now. For environmental changes, please say "environment." For access to records and documents, please say "records." For entertainment options, please say "entertainment." For information on ship systems and diagnostics, please say,

Yee-Ha: Country Music While You're on Hold

2008-07-08T07:40:00.003-07:00

Companies who use country music as their hold music should be forced into bankruptcy. I hate country music, and I have to listen to country music if I want to talk to you. That's like holding me hostage in some sort of torture chamber where they played heavy metal and the theme song for Barney the Dinosaur (allegedly). I would go insane. People really need to consider the full range of people who

Fun in a Call Center: Jews in Kansas

2008-06-25T10:13:00.001-07:00

I got a call from someone in Kansas who said the following:DOROTHY: Her name is Jew-Wah-Nee-Tah Lewis.ME: Could you spell the first name for me?DOROTHY: J-U-A-N-I-T-A.I'm guessing they don't have too many Hispanics in Kansas.

If Microsoft Made Medication...

2008-06-18T01:09:00.003-07:00

If Microsoft made medication...10. Anyone who took them would be more vulnerable to catching viruses.9. The drugs would cause you to collapse into unconsciousness at random times. This would be known as a "system crash."8. It would be hard to tell if you were taking the right drug, because Microsoft would make all its medication look exactly the same - square and gray.7. Even though Microsoft

Every episode of "House, MD" in a Nutshell

2008-06-16T11:20:00.006-07:00

Why sit through endless episodes of House, MD when you can enjoy the entire series all at once? Here's every episode of House, MD in a nutshell.FADE INPERSON DOES SOMETHING WEIRD, THEN COLLAPSES.CUT TO:HOUSE AND TEAM DISCUSSING CASEHOUSE: I'm a genius and everyone else is an idiot. Including the patient. I hate you all.TEAM MEMBER 1: I think it's a very simple and common disease the viewer's

Flowers in the Attic 2008: The Austrian Incest Rapist

2008-06-16T10:00:00.001-07:00

Here's 2008's candidate for parent of the year: Josef Fritzl, a father who imprisoned his own daughter in his cellar for twenty-four years. Not even his wife who lived in the house knew what was happening. During that time, he raped her and fathered seven of his own grandchildren. The story reminds me of the novel "Flowers in the Attic," but taken to a level even that author would never have

Jokebook: Circular Stampede

2008-06-06T01:45:00.000-07:00

POLICE: 911, what is your emergency?BLONDE: You have to help me. I'm surrounded by wild animals. I've been running for hours, and they're still chasing me.POLICE: Okay, ma'am, calm down. Tell me what's going on. What kind of animals are chasing you?BLONDE: There's a zebra behind me, a lion in front of me, a gazelle to my left, and a rhino on my right.POLICE: Okay, ma'am, here's my suggestion -

Jonesin' for Heroin: Jury Duty Drop-Outs

2008-06-03T07:57:00.003-07:00

I recently served on jury duty, but didn't get selected. I personally would like to serve on a jury...big fan of Law and Order...but apparently some people don't. In fact, two people more than others. They both did the same thing, trying to portray themselves as so horrible that they would not be suitable candidates for jury duty. And both of them went too far.For example, Daniel Ellis of Cape