Monday, February 26, 2007

Don't Phunk With My Video

I've seen the Black-Eyed Peas video for Don't Phunk With My Heart several times, and there are some things that bother me about it. If you haven't seen it, click here. Got it? Okay.

It's a clever idea, a dating show where they transport people to locations and the host goofs on them with voodoo. Funny. But first of all, is Fergie really that hot that guys would line up to go on a date with her. I don't think so...unless she wears a diaper on that date.

The other problem I have is with the voodoo. Why are the guys so surprised and confused when it happens? Maybe the first guy wouldn't know it was going to happen, but wouldn't the other two see it coming? And why does Fergie get so mad? Wouldn't she know what's going on? They didn't think that video through enough.

Related:
My Humps Sucks

Friday, February 23, 2007

Pixar's Cars (abridged)

Warning: The following is a short version of the movie Pixar's Cars. If you haven't seen it or plan to see it, please skip it.

FADE IN:

LIGHTNING MCQUEEN, HOTSHOT RACE CAR, ENDS UP LOST ON WAY TO BIG RACE

MCQUEEN: Where am I?
JUDGE: You're in Radiator Flats, the most boring town in America, and will be here for the majority of the movie.
AUDIENCE: Whose bright idea was it to set a two-hour movie in the most boring town in America?
DIRECTOR: I did. It's supposed to make you slow down and appreciate life.
AUDIENCE: Well, it's not working. We can be bored at home.
JUDGE: For tearing up our road, we sentence you to repair the town's main road.

LOTS OF SCENES OF MCQUEEN LIVING SMALL TOWN LIFE, REPAIRING ROAD, AND BEING BORED

AUDIENCE: Yeah, nothing more exciting than watching road construction. For a movie about race cars, this movie sure is slow.
LARRY THE CABLE GUY: Git-R-Done! That's funny right there!
NORTHERN AUDIENCE: We beg to differ.

MCQUEEN IS FOUND AND RETURNS TO CIVILIZATION

AUDIENCE: Thank God.

MCQUEEN RACES FOR THE TITLE

ANNOUNCER: Only a hundred and thirty-two laps to go!
NORTHERN AUDIENCE: This is why we don't watch NASCAR.
SOUTHERN AUDIENCE: Boy howdy, this sure is excitin'! Better'n watchin' NASCAR!

MCQUEEN SACRIFICES WINNING RACE TO PUSH OLDER CAR OVER THE FINISH LINE

AUDIENCE: So we waited an hour and a half to see him not win the race?
DIRECTOR: The moral of the story is that there are more important things than winning.
AUDIENCE: No, the moral of the story is that Pixar is losing it.

FADE OUT

Related:
The New World (abridged)
Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith (abridged)

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Movie Rules: Movie Luck

Movie Rule #3891: Luck exists.

You ever notice that in movies or TV shows, luck is a fact of life? Like there's usually an episode in a sitcom where a character is cursed with bad luck and they declare they don't believe in luck, and spend the rest of the episode inflicted with inexplicable problems until they give in. Then there's movies like Just My Luck where the whole movie revolves around luck. Where was the last movie or TV show where a character breaks a mirror or gets cursed by a gypsy, declares "Ah, there's no such thing as luck," and spends the rest of the time watching TV or getting a good night's sleep? I'd like to see that.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Yahoo's Most Popular

I love Yahoo's "Most Popular" feature on their news page, especially the photos. Unofrtunately, Yahoo deletes them two weeks afterwards. But fear not, I've been preserving some of the most interesting on my other blog, Yahoo's Most Popular Photos.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Jokebook: Police Phobia

Late at night, a police officer is on the side of the road when he sees a car with its taillights out driving by. So the cop turns on his sirens. To his surprise, the car takes off at a hundred miles an hour. The cop engages the car in a high-speed chase that only ends when the car blows two of its tires and is forced to stop.

The cop goes over to the driver's side window of the car and growls, "You want to tell me what that was all about?"

The driver gasps, "Sorry, officer. My wife left me for a cop last week."

The cop nods. "I see. So that's left you a little bitter towards police officers?"

The driver gasps, "No, I thought you were gonna give her back."

Thursday, February 01, 2007

My Games Fever: Reloaded

Since my original post on My Games Fever, I've had some additional thoughts. First of all, the show is really annoying. All these sound effects and the screen is crammed with crap so you can only see the host in one-third of the screen, and he or she is always jumping around trying to look excited and happy to be there. A review in the New York Daily News put it best.

Oddly enough, these kinds of shows (called "participation shows") are huge in Britain. For the life of me, I can't understand why. They must be much better produced in Britain. There is a version called Playdate where callers try to get dates with people in studio, sort of a home version of The Dating Game. I can see how that would be fun to watch.

And what's with the title? My Games Fever. Shouldn't that be My Game Fever? Or Game Fever? Or My Game? It's even a bad show grammatically.

MyNetworkTV is failing miserably, and if this is their best idea for fixing it, they've got a long way to go.